Is there only ONE soulmate in this world for you? how do you know when you have stumbled on your soulmate for certain? You hear people get married and swear they have found their soulmate only to divorce them 4 years later.
I think I have found mine but he is married…does that mean there is no one else for me?
How important is it to meet your soulmate?
Considering the fact that I’m an atheist, the concept of a soulmate makes little sense, since it would require some sort of deity to make sure that there was one (and only one) soulmate for every person.
So, no, I don’t think that anyone has a soulmate. It’s a convienent term for people to use when they feel that they have a very strong connection with someone, but that’s it. I mean, if everyone had only one soulmate, what are the odds that anyone would ever find the right person among the planet’s billions of inhabitants?
Nope, it just means that one of the millions of people out there with whom you are compatible happens to be maried. Keep looking.
“Soulmate” is a meme that makes it easier for most people to deal more easily with what is a very complicated endeavor with thousands of variables. Likewise with love, destiny, God, good, evil, karma, and a bunch of other simplifications or metaphors for complicated human behavior or natural phenomena.
If it works for you, then use the meme. If it makes you feel better about yourself and sleep more peacefully at night, then use the meme. But keep in mind that it’s wildly inaccurate at best and complete bullshit at worst, and the only reason you think in terms of this meme is because a government leader (with the help of his advisers) at some point in the distant past figured out that having his followers believe in such a meme would make them more docile, law-abiding, productive, emotionally stable, or other desirable traits of a population that is easier to control. The meme got passed down generations of populations as a truism and found its way into your mind.
I had a "soulmate " conversation with someone not too long ago and we both concluded that while people may think they had found their soulmate at one point in time, most all of them were recalling an old flame. IOW, no one lives with their soul mate. If they did, soon enough the toe nail clipping, snoring, and any number of other things which are reality based in a healthy relationship, would intrude upon the soul mate concept.
So, my vote is bullshit on the soulmate concept. It doesn’t exist. And I believe that as you get older and maybe a little more cynical, you get that the soul mate concept is just hooey.
I have enough experience of other peoples’ partnerships to know that it does exist.
Me? I’ve yet to manage so much as a kiss.
Even if soulmates do exist (and I don’t think they do), we’d be better off believing that they don’t.
How many people are in horrible relationships right now because they felt the person they’re with was the Right One (or soulmate, or whatever you want to call it)? Probably a lot.
Now how many of them would leave if they didn’t believe that this was their one chance at happiness? Again, probably a lot.
How would anyone know? I don’t think there’s anyway to definitively answer this question.
Whence this ‘sole soulmate’ business, anyway? It’s not biblical, is it?
Not much to add.
One single soulmate/“true love?” Nope. Complete fiction.
Lots of possible soulmates/“true loves?” Yup.
A soulmate/“true love” without effort, work, and communication? Never, never, never.
“Happily ever after” is false. “The chance to live happily ever after as long as you’re both prepared to put a lot of work and dedication into making it so” is doable.
Hmm… how about Fun Mates then ? Have sex and be happy.
Soulmates is a nice romantic notion devoid of much scientific or either “historical” basis. Once a relation starts your body chemistry induces you into romance.
I think the One Twu Wuv meme is one of the most damaging to relationships I’ve ever seen, especially if it got the full install with “Twu Wuv means happily ever after always and always” and “Twu Wuv means being contentedly obsessed for all time” and the other stuff.
The pattern I’ve seen goes something like: the happy obsession in which there is nothing else in the world by the partner goes on for a while, and then fades. Disagreements start cropping up more often because there isn’t the pink fluffy padding on them anymore, and thus the match is not perfect – this person isn’t The One. Maybe one or another party has started noticing that other people are attractive again, whether or not they have urges to follow through on attractions; and if this was The One, that wouldn’t happen, right? Over time, the ways in which the other person isn’t The One start to become more important, more critical, and the ways in which that person is a good partner wind up getting swamped. The relationship ends.
And the next one is taken out to see if they’re The One. And it’s all true, and lovely, until that new-relationship surge fades. . . .
Setting aside all that, I find it utterly implausible that there is a The One out there for me, because I become psychologically unbalanced in a monogamous relationship. At the very minimum, if there’s any basis in it, there would have to be a The Two, and in any case, the question is irrelevant; either my husband and my mate or they, or they’re just going to have to do without me.
I think the ideal of “soulmates” is something that has been created in more recent times (with the increased popularity of romance). To my mind, this ideal has ruined more relationships than it helped.
Now, if by “soulmate” you mean someone that you are incredibly compatable with (because of various similar and disimilar traits that fit together just right), yes i do believe that exists. But I don’t think there is a set number. Some people may be more univerally compatable (as such can accept more different partners). Some people may actually not be compatable for anyone (it IS possible to just never rub others the right way).
But to me, I think we put too much weight on romantic love (those stupid butterlies in the stomach, and giddy feelings), and too little on practical feelings.
I am reminded of the scene in “Chasing Amy”, where Allyssa and Holden witness a couple making out hot and heavy. Holden comments about how much in love they must be. Allyssa says that isn’t love, THAT is fleeting.
To me, real love comes from compatablity…to the point that you and the other person are almost like one person (this doesn’t mean you always agree, but that in the end, you act as one). Sadly, I don’t think many people end up with this person. Their relationships are based on Infatuation and obsession.
Also, Isabelle, I don’t believe there is any Biblical backing for the “soulmate”.
Gotta agree with Lilairen. Concepts like “soulmate” were created by Hollywood to sell movies and have had the unfortunate side effect of instilling unrealistic expectations in people concerning human relationships. I mean, soulmate is all well and good, but it doesn’t help deal with the issue of who gets to use the bathroom first in the morning.
I think it’s interesting that the OP referred to a married person as her soulmate. This seems to be a common term used by many other women to describe their married men. Check out the message board on www.gloryb.com and you’ll see many of the women talking about their soulmate.
I wonder if it is because that person is unavailable it allows the woman to be in a continual state of unrequited love. Getting it little bits at a time which makes the desire even stronger. People in affairs can live in small slices of time in which each can be the other’s fantasy.
I don’t believe in soulmates, but I do believe that there are people with which you will be more compatible. The trick is finding that match. Even if you are most compatible with the married guy, forget it. There are lots more guys out there that you would be perfect for.
Also remember that at the beginning of a relationship, your brain is flooded with love hormones that make you think and act differently. Wait a year or two when the hormones subside and things will look much clearer.
I too think that ‘soulmate’ is a very damaging idea. It implies that
a) There is one perfect person out there for you.
b) You’re doomed to unhappiness if you don’t find him/her.
b2) You are incomplete without your ‘other half.’ Therefore singleness is always bad.
c) When you do find your soulmate, you will not have to work at the relationship, because you will be perfectly understood and loved, and will magically become perfectly loving and understanding yourself.
d) Therefore, a relationship that needs work is automatically flawed–this person must not be your soulmate, and so should be dumped.
All relationships need work. The idea that love should always come easily is a terrible one. A person who thinks that will either leave or fall apart at the first rough patch, and marriage/life partnership/whatever is full of rough patches, not to mention unexpected cliffs.
The idea that there is only one person out there for each of us is just ridiculous when you think it out. There are 6 billion people on the earth now, and we only really meet several thousand of them in a lifetime (not counting passing on the street, etc). What if my soulmate died in infancy, or lived in the 14th century? What if he lives in Malaysia, a place I have no immediate plans to visit?
[unwanted advice]And Isabelle, please don’t date a married man. Hands off until he’s divorced is the high road. What kind of guy is willing to cheat on his wife?[/unwanted advice]
That much is pretty obvious. The kind of guy who would end up divorcing his wife, marrying the woman he was having an affair with, and then cheating on her once he became disenchanted with the relationship.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
More than a few unfortunately. There was a thread around here recently on this if you care to look it up. Men do it more than women but women aren’t all that far behind.
I have to go with Joe Random on this though and wonder why anyone would want to settle down with someone who cheated on their spouse with them. It wouldn’t give me a lot of confidence about their future behavior and I’d seriously wonder at how a committment to me could be held in serious regard by them but maybe that’s just me.
Maybe he is your “soulmate” because he is married and unobtainable.
The idea that there is this one magical person who you are compatible with is largely false. A lot of people develop what I call “Seinfield’s Disease” (or Carrie Bradshaw Sydrome for you ladies) where every potential match has some ridiculous fatal flaw that prevents them from being “the one”. It’s one thing not to want to be in a committed relationship. It’s quite another to drive yourself miserable because you believe you will never find ‘the one’ because this one wears plaid, that one whooshes when she walks, this one eats with his hands, whatever.
The first time I encountered the term “soulmate” was in Richard Bach’s book Bridge Across Forever, back in college. It was also the last of his books I read. Too syrupy by about 500% and really tiring. It wasn’t too long after that I went totally off Bach.
Anyway, if I recall, he and his “soulmate” have since divorced.
Nope. There ain’t no such thing.
Another vote for “complete fiction”.
One of my friends is getting engaged to some guy she’s known for two months. She thinks he’s her soulmate. I think she’s just feeling guilty for breaking her promise to “save herself” for marriage, and now she’s rushing into marriage to make up for it. Bad times.
Depending on her upbringing, she might be feeling like “spoiled goods” and desperate to hoist herself upon any unsuspecting groom dumb enough to marry a girl like her. Or so goes the thinking.