What matters most when you are seeking a soulmate? Just curious…
That the person doesn’t use terms like “soulmate”.
I don’t believe in the existence of a “soulmate,” so assuming you just mean “a compatible person to love and be loved by” I’d say the most important things are shared goals and dreams. Wanting the same things out of the relationship at least means you have a bsis for starting one.
If you do mean a literal soulmate, please ignore!
I share the above posters’ squeamishness about the term ‘soulmate,’ but shared values (what’s important in life?) are extremely important in a functional relationship, and figuring out common expectations (at what time is it appropriate to leave to get to the plane?) runs a close second.
Yeah, I hate that term, too. It’s like people who talk about finding “The One.” There are eleventy bazillion people on this rock - you really think there’s only one friggin’ partner for you?
Anyway, for me, it was this:
- I’d rather be with Mr. Horseshoe than by myself* or with anyone else
- we’re compatible on all the big stuff and nearly all the little stuff
- we see the world through similar, but not identical, viewpoints
- I’m extremely introverted. This rubric might not work for extroverts.
No, but sometimes I seriously doubt there are better matches. We’ve been together nine years and it still blows my mind how well we work together. I’m a pretty weird person, but somehow he gets me.
What matters the most to me is that someone gives a damn about other people and shows it.
I kind of will use the term soulmate when I talk about my current partner, but I don’t think we only have one of them.
With him and I, from the instant we met we were like best friends. We “got” each other, we think the same way, and have very close to the same views about morals, politics, and religion. We like a lot of the same things and activities. When we had sex, it was awesome.
With everyone else I’ve been in love with there were concessions I had to make. Like, “We don’t think the same way about <whatever>, and I’ll just have to deal with it.” kind of concessions. Or, we liked a lot of the same things but the sexual chemistry was meh. The relationships were good, but they weren’t “soulmate” good.
I think that “you just know” is also applicable.
Somebody needs to give somebody’s SO a heads up that he’s undergoing a very serious online review. 
For a soulmate?
I’m not a much of a fan of “soulmate” either, but I’m probably closer to going with it than most of the other posters.
Really if you’re going to believe in soulmates the most important thing is that you “just know”
That’s how it was with my husband. CLICK! Right away. I was 18. Now I’m 42.
I mean how lucky is that? No lists, no thinking, no looking.
Only problem is what if that doesn’t happen?
One must have a soul in order to find a soulmate.
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<quietly shuffles away, without leaving a shadow>
A strong relationship partner will make sure you have the best lawyer.
A great love will help you bury the body.
A soulmate will help you cut it into pieces first.
Exactly this.
Sense of humor. If we laugh at the same things it’s a good match, and everything else will be fine.
Well, pets are important. If someone doesn’t share your views on pets, fuggeddaboutit.
And religion. You should have some shared vision on cosmic issues–otherwise, you’ll be treating each other with an underlying contempt that touches on your entire relationship.
Of course, there’s politics. How are you going to get along if you want vastly different policies to prevail here and now? Very important to agree on politics.
Look to see how naturally neat/sloppy he or she is–you’re going to be spending a lot of time together, you can’t be squabbling about “Could you pick up after yourself, goddammit?” all the time.
I could keep going, if you like.
Mutual admiration. You have to think the other person is really amazing, and they need to think you are amazing, too.
And you need to like who you are when you are with them.
We might be soulmates.
Flatulence parity.
Yeah, think carefully about any SO you can’t fart proudly in front of. I dated a girl once who called me ‘The Farty King’ and let me tell you it made me wanna marry that girl. Didn’t work out for other reasons, but long live the king baby.
Sense of humor. (Or at least a willingness to pretend that my jokes are funny.)
Fiscal responsibility. (My parents had an equal partnership. Mom worked all day cooking and cleaning, and Dad worked all day to pay off Mom’s credit card bills.)
We shouldn’t do everything together, but we should have a few common interests.
Boobs. Big ones.
What? It’s just a place to start, OK?