Finding A Soulmate

[WillSantini]

*Originally posted by Creative_Munster *
How old are you, WillSantini? I am just curious because you have the self delusion of a young man or someone who hasn’t had much experience at all.

Not that I think it matters much, but I am nearing 30, and I’ve had my share of experiences, both good and bad, to include marriage.

*Originally posted by transitionality *
The only way a man like WillSantini will ever get a clue is when he gets his heart broken into shatters, burned to ashes, machinegunned into giblets.

Been there, done that. Learned from it.

*Originally posted by transitionality *
His sort of self-delusion is completely self-consistent, completely insane as it is. The more we object to it, the more he will justify it to himself.

And I am the only one I need to justify it to.

[Qadgop_the_Mercotan]

*Originally posted by Isabelle *
**Isabelle is present and accounted for.
Reading all the posts!! **

Hey! No fair lurking in your own thread! Get back in here and start posting!!

[fessie]

1. Stay away from married men. Period.

2. It’s complicated. The moment I met my husband I knew there was something very special going on. There was a similarity in our energies that I could feel. Something was right and unique, it was like being “home”. He was different from any boy I’d dated/loved/met/worked with. But in the years after that, once we were married, we fought and screamed and worked through a whole bunch of baggage that could have doomed us. Yet we were both motivated to keep our special connection, and now we’ve been together 15 years. It just keeps getting better. But I’ve never thought of him as my soul mate, because we’re just so different. Our souls are different. It’s not a merge so much as harmony.

The problem with the soul mate model is it suggests effortless relationships, which, as many people have pointed out, are a complete fiction. OTOH, if you’re going to go to the trouble of marrying someone, they’d better be pretty doggone special and unique. I’d say if you can find one soulmate every other year, your standards are a bit too low.

[Isabelle]

There are a bajillion people in the world. There CAN"T be ONLY one for me (or anyone else)

[Creative_Munster]

Amen, Sister Isabelle.

[Psifireus]

Whether one or many, I think the important thing is that you don’t miss it when it does come along. Most of the time, IMO anyway, feelings in relationships are kind of one-sided. In my past relationships, either I was really head-over-heels in love but the guy’s feelings for me weren’t as strong or vice versa.

Rarely do you find two people who are both truly infatuated with each other. I think when you do share those intense feelings for one another, it’s worth doing almost anything to preserve.

I think those are the relationships that are worth fighting for. Maybe you don’t truly become Soulmates until you make it so.

[Violet]

I think dogs can be soul mates.

[lezlers]

First off, I think transitionalityis being unnecessarily harsh towards WillSantini. It’s fine to be a cynic, but forcing your cynicism amongst others is nothing but a show of extreme insecurity.

Now, on to the soulmate question. I firmly believe in the existance of a soul and for that reason alone, do not believe in soulmates. I think it’s impossible for a soul to be “shared.” That would mean that everyones souls (except for those lucky enough to have found their “match”) are incomplete by default. I don’t believe anyone has an “incomplete” soul. An immature soul, sure. A withered soul, perhaps. An incomplete soul? Not according to my beliefs.

I think that there are many people with whom we’re compatible. I also believe that there are karmic forces at work that can help assist us in finding those matches. I also believe that everything in life happens for a reason and we meet the people we do when we’re supposed to and for whatever reasons we’re supposed to. Even the worst relationships happen for a reason, if anything, to teach us valuable lessons. Goddess knows I’ve had plenty of those.

I think the common definition of soulmate negates itself through it’s implication that souls are incomplete by default. The most common advice given to people looking for love is that you have to love yourself first. How can one do that if one is incomplete?

[lezlers]

Wow, was my response so right on, that one feels the need to add any more?

[CBCD]

I met my husband almost 22 years ago. We fell in love at first sight. We were thunderstruck really, truly, when we first looked into each other’s eyes. He asked me to marry him after our first kiss. And I mean first kiss literally. We’d only been alone together for five minutes. Sounds like a soulmate to me.

We were married three months later, and are still happily married, with three children.

That doesn’t mean we don’t have to work on our marriage, just as any couple must do. We have to make time to communicate with each other, we have to respect each other as individuals. We have fights just as any other couple does, though it is not a common event. We have an explicit agreement that if we have a fight, we will not say things to hurt each other. We have to stay ‘on topic’. No name calling, in particular. There have been times over the years when I was so upset with him that if I could have snapped my fingers to make him disappear, I would have. Upset over what? The usual marriage stuff - spending habits, paying bills on time, issues with our children, who’s not emptying the dishwasher, my traveling for business on weekends, his smoking, or who did not put the damn cereal box away. I know no matter what, I’m married to this man, this is my husband, we have to find an answer.

Soulmate or not, marriage takes work. You both have to agree to work at staying married. The magic of love does not cast a spell over your marriage to make it effortless.