This is the SDMB approved way to get rid of people who knock on your door uninvited.
Tip o the hat to the esteemed doper Master_Wang-Ka
You would think that being somebody who has never ever ever owned a car would keep a person off the contact lists of phone and junkmail spammers trying to sell you car maintenance or car insurance.
You would be wrong about that.
^ True Dat. I’m constantly getting calls from people who are under the impression that the warranty on my non-existent car is about to expire.
Lately I’ve also been getting calls from people who want to help me get rid of my non-existent credit card debt.
It’s amusing when I challenge them to explain how my fake name, fake car and fake address still brought up my “file” on their computer system.
Which reminds me that this afternoon I got a call from someone who asked to speak to “Danny”. When I told him that no one by that name is at this number, he proceeded to start trying to sell me a solar power system.
That’s to get around the prohibition of unauthorized robocalling and/or calling in violation of the Do Not Call list.
For a while I would get charity appeal calls asking for Thomas. One day I responded with “speaking”. To his credit the telemarketer just proceeded with his spiel.
Next time I’m going with “Thomas! That cheating bastard! Are you one of his side pieces? Why can’t he be faithful to me?”
I worked for a security company three-ish decades ago. They hired people with felony records as installers and unarmed patrol.
If you want security, get a dog. If you want better security, get a big dog. If you want the best security, get a mastiff.
Stranger
That is just fantastic.
Isn’t it?
I thought there might be a few new dopers who were not aware of this post from the glorious past. A classic.
Include me as someone who hates the proselytizers banging on the door, despite the “No Solicitors” sign. When I point out the sign, they give me a shit-eating smile and whine “But I’m not selling anything.” Yeah you are, asshole, and I’m not buying.
is @Master_Wang-Ka a member of the Church of the SubGenius?
And my gosh @LurkMeister the calls about the extended warranty on our minivan… here’s a Google Voice phone call transcription from Feb 16th:
Well, they you have yet to extend your warranty pass the factory cut off, and this is a courtesy call to renew your warranty before we close the file. If you are interested in renewing your auto warranty now, please press 5 now or press 9 to be removed from our list. Hi, this is Suzie calling with the vehicle service department. We are calling about your vehicles manufacturer’s warranty. We sent you several notices in the mail that you have yet to extend your warranty pass the factory shut off, and this is a courtesy call to renew your warranty before we close the file. If you are interested in renewing your auto warranty now, please press 5 now or press 9 to be removed from the list. Hi, this is Suzie calling with the vehicle service department. We are calling about your vehicles manufacturer’s warranty. We sent you several notices in the mail that you have yet to extend your warranty pass the factory cut off, and this is a courtesy call to renew your warranty before we close the file. If you are interested in renewing your auto warranty now, please press 5 now or press 9 to be removed from our list. Call rejected.
Sorry, Suzie.
Also: door to door soliciting seems like a bad idea during a pandemic?
Huh. Not the same thing, but something just clicked into place about a bit from upthread:
…is the idea here that, oh, hey, I saw your big fine No Soliciting sign, but I’m not selling anything; I’m just seeing if you’d like to set up a time to meet with my colleague: she’ll look things over, and maybe prepare an estimate that you could discuss with one of our salesmen if you wanted — but (a) I wouldn’t say that she’s in sales; and, more importantly, (b) I’m sure not selling anything, so wouldn’t you agree that your sign doesn’t apply to me?
It may be. A brief search didn’t turn up the scam I was thinking of, but I don’t remember the name of the educational materials anymore. This poor woman blew up on Nextdoor for being so insistent on coming into people’s houses. Being Nextdoor lots of people assumed she was some kind of criminal, but a quick search on the company revealed she was the victim.
They advertise to foreign college students to come to the US for the summer, and they’ll have a job, and lots of free time to explore. What they get is a communal living situation, and the job is being dropped of in the morning someplace to do door to door sales, and then picked up in the evening. Any money they actually earn is taken back in room and board charges.
Yup. I get calls every week (I don’t answer them, but I can read the transcribed voicemails) warning that my car insurance is about to lapse and I have to contact them or bad things will happen oh noes!! They’re going to close my file! Except I have never owned a car, never driven a car, and never even had a drivers license. So 100% the wrong person to try this scam on.
That’s why in fine print, under the “No Solicitors”, you put, “All others will be shot”. Now that they are closer, and can see the fine print, ask them if they are sure they are not a solicitor.
My brother once remarked that he’d seen a sign:
“I made a deal with G-d: he doesn’t send me any door-to-door solicitors and I don’t send him any.”
Puts a pretty fine point on the subject 
I looked for that post from “a telemarketer” who told us how great her job was but I couldn’t find it. 
I remember that one. She told us we were being mean to telemarketers and we should also politely listen to them for as long as they want.
Stranger