Finish this joke with more nationalities

A friend sent this to me, and we thought it would be fun if Dopers would add their own.

What do you do if you find a fly in your coffee cup?

If you’re BRITISH – You pour out the coffee. Go without.

If you’re AMERICAN – You dig out the fly. Drink the coffee.

If you’re CHINESE – You eat the fly. Pour out the coffee.

If you’re JAPANESE – You drink the coffee with the fly. Hey, it was Free!

If you’re ISRAELI – You sell the fly to a Chinese, the coffee to an american. Buy fresh cup of coffee.

If you’re PALESTINIAN – You blame the Israelis for throwing the fly into the coffee in the first place. Call it unacceptable violence. Ask for U.N. intervention in the matter. Ask E.U. for a loan to buy a fresh cup of coffee. Use the money to buy explosives.

A friend and I added:

If you’re E. INDIAN - you ask forgiveness of the fly in case it might be reincarnated to someone you will know. Then dump the coffee and make a proper cup of tea.

Anyone else? Blondes, blacks, Bush-haters, Clinton-haters, anything!

Most of you know my nationality, I’ve mentioned it enough times. Bonus points if you can identify my friend’s nationality.


If you’re Scottish-You dump it out and get a pint. If a fly lands in that, you pick it out, slap it on the back, and shout “Spit it oot, spit it oot!”

If you’re French-Put it on a plate and make a sauce for it.

If you’re Italian-Pick it out and give it back to your sister. :smiley:

If you’re Irish, you sing “When Irish Eyes are Smiling” with the now thoroughly hammered fly, then it buys the next round.

—you call your lawyer.

If you’re Canadian you decide it must be summer and switch to lemonade.

If you are Southern, pick the fly out of the coffee, dip it in a flour/egg/cracker batter and fry it up good, then add lots of sugar to the coffee and maybe even a little bit of milk. You probably wouldn’t drink the coffee with your fried fly since you’d be drinking a beer with it, but afterwards you might have a sup of it.

If you’re Russian, you pick the fly out and throw it in the borscht. Then you dump the coffee out and fill the cup with vodka.

If you’re German, the fly would know better than to approach your coffee cup in the first place.

If you’re a FLY, you make love to the other fly, then you both relax in the coffee-flavored hot tub.

If you’re a McDonald’s worker, you warn the fly that the coffee is hot.

If you’re a Starbucks barista, you add a lot of syrup, milk, and foam. Then you charge extra for the fly (after you look up a French name for it.)

If you’re a press secretary, you deny that there was ever a fly problem, and announce that your boss has appointed a commission to do a 6-year study of the coffee industry.

If you are a Taoist, you say, “It must be my day to have a fly. This will be interesting.”

If you are a Jehovah’s Witness, you say, “Praise the Lord, I’m being persecuted. This will make me more holy.”

If you are watching an old Goldie Hawn film, you must choose between two punchlines. You know that:

(a) Flies are butter-free, or

(b) There is no charge for buttered flies.

If you’re Dutch you help the fly building levees, so his feet’ll stay dry.


You tell the fly: “Dude, This is not what I ordered in the coffeeshop”.


You ask the fly if he’s Spanish and if so, you know a neighborhood where there’s a good use for him.

…you ask the fly “are you a fly because you fly, or do you fly because you’re a fly?” and talk to it for 20 minutes before discovering a fascinating mark on your hand.

If you’re CANADIAN – You dig out the fly. Drink the coffee. Tell your friends visiting from Detroit that Canadian flies are much cleaner than American flies, so you don’t worry about disease.

If you’re Korean, you’d look at the cup in disgust and say, “I didn’t come to North America for this!! Are YOUR children in Harvard med, you filthy bastard?!?”

I gotta disagree with the Japanese entry. A Japanese would look at the British guy and imitate him.

Hahahahaha Marley23. So true. :slight_smile:

If you’re Californian - you shut down the coffeehouse until it can be determined whether or not the fly is an endangered species.

:dubious: If you’re British you assume flies in coffee are some new vulgar American trend. You are not surprised. You then demand tea (politely of course).

You guys are great! Any more?