First & last times you did something

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

Bear in mind it needn’t be the thing the previous poster mentioned, though that’s fine if you wish.

I can’t remember the **first ** time I punched someone, but I’m sure I was less than 10 years old when it happened; probably less than five. My older brother and I used to get into fistificuffs, which I’d usually start; given that he’s six years older than me, I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.

But I definitely remember the **last ** time I punched someone. It was freshman year in college. I was with a group of my friends, eight or ten of us who always had breakfast and dinner together that first year in the dorm.

In this group, fairly evenly divided sexually, there was a girl, “Marie,” who had a serious crush on one of the guys, “Jeremy.” Marie, I always thought, was gorgeous, though she was somewhat under-endowed in terms of mammary glands. Jeremy didn’t return her affection for her and called her “Super-Virgin” behind her back. At any rate, one Friday night we were assembled in my room, eating pizza and drinking beer, when Jeremy out of the blue started flirting with Marie. This clearly delighted her, and the smile on her face was a thing of beauty. After about ten minutes of this flirting, Jeremy said, “Marie, do you know how come I’ve never asked you out?”

“No,” she said. “How come?”

“Because it’s so hard to tell your front from your back,” he said. “You really should write ‘This side up in case of rape’ on your chest.”

The group froze. Marie started crying. And, having six sisters, it was my considered opinion that Jeremy’s character would improve if someone broke his nose.

It was worth being on probation for the rest of the semester.

Anybody else got a first/last pair to share?

#2

First and last time I smoked.

Back when I was too young to do such things, I swiped a couple of my dad’s cigarettes and tried smoking. I got sicker than I even like to think about and haven’t touched them since.

#3

First and last time I responded personally to a sexy woman calling me on the night shift at the radio station, to whisper promises of unimaginable delights in my ear.

I won’t go into it. Just create your own story using the premises of restaurant, underage, the size of a dump truck, and there may be some things worth going to jail for…but this is not one of them and you’ll be right.

#4

I’ll put this in the forum for sharing.

Moved from IMHO to MPSIMS.

#5

I remember the first and last time I drank green tea. I was 8–there was a Japanese lady who was travelling to different schools teaching bits about the culture. When she stopped here, one of the things she did was demonstrate how the Japanese tea ceremony is done, and she passed around a bowl of green tea.

I like a lot of things about Japanese culture–the tea isn’t one of them.

#6

First time I jerked off…well, it probably wasn’t the first time, but it’s the earliest one I remember. I was 12 or 13, at a family reunion at my grandmother’s ranch. Everyone else was talking and mingling under the veranda, while I floated alone in the pool. I was riding an inner tube, so nobody noticed as I pulled down my trunks and started exploring that area which had become so fascinating lately. After a while, I felt the urge to piss, but at the same time knew it was not going to be piss that came out. I remember, watching the snaky loops of mayonnaise-colored fluid as they floated away…and sometimes I wonder, if there were any unexplained pregnancies among my aunts & cousins who used the pool later.

Last time…hmm, let me check my watch…

#7

The first and last time I got drunk enough to puke was all at once the same time. I attribute it to smoking pot and drinking too much vodka, and decided while I was laying in the dark on a slow-spinning bed after spending 20 minutes on the floor of the World’s Dirtiest Bathroom that I would neither toke & drink at the same time, or drink enough to make myself puke.

I dunno why more people don’t come to this conclusion. Seemed pretty obvious to me.

#8

It’s simple, really. You get just drunk enough to forget that conclusion, then you drink more and throw up.

Me, I don’t remember much about the two times I got drunk enough to puke, except that I did puke, and it was absolutely terible whiskey. I probably would have better off drinking paint thinner.

#9

First and last times I did something:

Got a DUI, back in 2003. Never again, as it was a stupid, humiliating and expensive mistake.

Declared bankruptcy, back in 2004. I won’t allow my finances to get that out of control again, ever.

#10

Sometime in 1970 I ate a cheeseburger. Never had one before because I was a picky eater (to put it very mildly) and cheese was one of the things on my Do Not Eat list. A friend of mine had also never had a cheeseburger because it wasn’t kosher. We decided to break our cheeseburger cherries together and went to the student union, where we feasted and agreed these things weren’t bad at all.

The next day: I got a 24-hour stomach virus. Intellectually I knew it wasn’t the cheeseburger’s fault, but it didn’t matter. I never ate another one.

My friend, though she didn’t get the stomach crud, decided it was best not to push these things so she swore off of them too.

#11

The last time I drank gin was the first and last time. That was just evil. Wrong. A Bad Idea.

#12

The first time I had a hangover . . . . still hasn’t happened. Not that I don’t drink, and I used to get very blasted on straight vodka in college. But the closest to a hangover was when I was drinking the vodka and went to sleep still drunk. I woke up drunk, but otherwise fine.

#13

The first and last time I had pity sex.

I was in my mid-twenties, and very inexperienced and naive. I had met a guy through his personal ad (this was before the internet), and we corresponded a few times, including photos (face only). He was quite a few years older, but that didn’t bother me. He had a nice face and nice personality and we were totally compatible, sexually.

I lived in Manhattan at the time, and he lived way out on Long Island. He offered to drive into the City to meet, and I gave him my address. :smack: Yeah, I know, we should have met in some public place first.

To make a long story short, he had the most repulsive body I’d ever seen (TMI), but I didn’t have the heart to reject him, especially since he drove so far just to meet me. I felt so sorry for the guy, thinking that he’s probably rejected by everyone he meets. So I let him do me. I couldn’t wait till it was over, and after he left I had to immediately take a hot shower.

Never again.

#14

First time I ever used a personal computer:
I was in 6th grade (1981) and a friend of mine had a Commodore Vic-20 and was playing some games he had on it. I thought it was totally cool.

Last time I ever used a personal computer:
Right now.
First time I ever used the Internet:
I was a student at WMU and our VAX-VMS mainframe was set up to access Usenet Newsgroups. I posted to a few groups there, mainly in rec.humor.

Last time I ever used the Internet:
Right now.
On to more interesting stuff…

The first time I ever went to a strip club:
I was 20 and had realized that I was old enough to go to strip clubs. I was still living at home though (poor college student… hey what are you going to do?) so I told my parents I was going out to shoot pool with a friend of mine. Instead I went to the strip club. I must have sat in my car for ten minutes after I parked because I was so nervous. Finally I got out of the car, formed both hands into fists, and started walking toward the door of the club. I had to look down and litterally will my feet to move. I must have been shaking when I handed the door guy my money to get in, but I did it. I made it in and found a seat and throughly enjoyed myself.

Last time I ever went to a strip club:
Last year, October. A few magician friends of mine said they were wanting to go to a club in Battle Creek. So we all went and enjoyed the scenery and did some magic for the dancers. We were the hit of the entire evening for the dancers and they kept coming around to our table for more magic tricks. We will probably do this again sometime soon, I would imagine.