So, I’m sitting around in the locker room… ahem… excuse me… office today, and the conversation turns to vacation spots and strip clubs.
Seems that one of my friends is going down to Daytona, and was asking if we knew any of the really good strip clubs down there. ((Yeah, like I’d really know.)) So I made a comment along the lines of, “You could just go all the way to the end of the main drag and find yourself a professional and get you a $5.00 blowjob.”
Apparently my friend wasn’t listening very carefully because he responded with, “Is that a drink?”
We all burst out laughing, and decided… what the heck, we should make a drink called a Five Dollar Blowjob. So far the ingredients are: Kahluha, Pina Colada mix, and White Grape Juice. Anyone got any better ideas?
How about Malibu, vodka, banana liquer and cream over ice? The banana is just there for penile representation. Hey, even better, just stick a peeled banana in the drink and you can lick the cream off the end of it
What the hell? I’d better go take a cold shower this morning. I’m in big trouble.
Okay, we seem to be on the right track as far as the ingredients. But how will we market this drink? I’m thinking it should be served in a distinctive glass. A highball would be appropriate, I guess.
And it seems certain that the price should be independent of the name. If we actually sold the drink for five dollars, then that’s no longer part of the name of the drink; it’s then just a “Blowjob” that costs five dollars.
So I’m chuckling over this image in my head:
Patron: I’d like a Five Dollar Blowjob, please.
Bartender: That’ll be $3.50.
Patron: Start a tab.
A similar drink was created at a party several years ago. Fill a shotglass about 1/2 with milk (skim, 2%, whatever you prefer), 1/4 with Sprite or 7-Up, and 1/4 with Rumplemintz. Microwave it for 30 seconds until it reaches internal body temperature, and then drink.
I just found it amusing to no end to see Fiver posting to a Five Dollar Blowjob thread, then I read the post and really started chuckling!
“Start a tab,” indeed!
I think it should be made from 2 parts Baileys, 1 part Jaeger and 1 part Triple Sec…hey, what do I know, I’ve never tasted the stuff! Say, Jarbaby what should it taste like?
Is this where I’m supposed to say “like heaven, thinksnow…and I really love it, I could drink it all day, and smear it all over my body when I can’t take anymore.”
jarbaby
It’s been a few years since I tended bar for a living, but IIRC, a blow job is half a shot of Kahlua, half a shot of Irish Cream, topped with whipped cream. Charge $5 for it, and you have yourself a $5 Blow Job.
We had a few predictably amusing incidents with inexperienced waitresses who had not heard of the drink, and patrons who requested them.
At a bachelorette party. Here are the official ingredients (it’s also known as Deep Throat):
Deep Throat / Blow Job
1/2 oz. Kahlua, 1/2 oz. Vodka, Whipped Cream
Pour into shot glass, top with dab of whipped cream.
Drink without using your hands.
Generally a shot for girls (like me!), you have to do the shot with your hands behind your back, which means picking up the shotglass with your mouth, which means wrapping your lips around it, which means you get whipped cream all around your mouth. The things we do when friends get married!
to serve: Find a cute guy in the bar, sit his butt upon the bar, unzip his pants and place the shot glass in the zipper. Now but your hands behind your back and continue on.
<Dave Barry> …and wouldn’t “Five Dollar Blowjob” make a great band name? </Dave Barry>
Judas priest, between Tequila Mockingbird’s beautifully detailed description of a real one, and jarbaby’s multiple observations regarding alcoholic ones, this work day is going particularly slowly. I figure I’m gonna need either the one or the other before too long…
What’s with all these foo-foo suggestions? A manly drink like “the five-dollar blowjob” should be simple and unadorned. When I order the five-dollar blowjob, I don’t want to be handed a fruity concoction with those pitiful excuses for getting drunk like kahlua, piña colada mix, banana liqueur, etc… How can one keep their self-respect when drinking one of those? Pretty soon some yuppie bartender will be sticking umbrellas in the glass, and I don’t want any sharp pointed objects in that area, thank you very much.
I say it should be a shot glass full of sperm. The glass used is a special glass with a handlebar mustache painted on it. The only acceptable way to chase it is by chewing on an ice cube.
Well, congratulate me. My 500th post showcased me waxing philosophic about oral gratification. What does this say about me in general? Never mind, I think I already know…
