Five-Word Movie Review

Brazil
That bureaucracy blows my mind

Office Space
Can you spare a flair?

Barton Fink
Man, it’s hot in here

Next: Running away

Dark City
John Murdoch flees police, Strangers

Midnight Run
DeNiro, Grodin, coast to coast

The Fugitive
Dr. Kimble uncovers murderous conspiracy

Next up:

Three great murder mysteries

Murder on the Orient Express
Where everyone has a motive

Rear Window
Flash bulbs to the rescue

LA Confidential
It’s all on Rollo Tomasi

Next: Young adult movies

Young adult movies

My Girl
Reverse Love Story, with adolescents.

Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret
Margaret navigates an awkward adolescence.

The Breakfast Club
Stereotypes enter, and individuals emerge.

Next:

Movies where horse racing is important to the plot

The Quiet Man
Townsfolk deceive rich, gullible brute

Seabiscuit
Tobey Maguire rides inspirational horse

Hidalgo
Cowboy races across Arabian desert

Next: Movies filmed in Australia

My Brilliant Career
How I loved this movie!

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert
How I loved this movie!

Proof
Eh, this was good too.

NEXT: American films where a major character mostly or entirely speaks something besides English

American films where a major character mostly or entirely speaks something besides English

The Godfather Part II
Young Vito speaks only Italian.

Dances with Wolves
The Sioux know no English.

Star Wars episodes IV, V, VI
R2-D2 only speaks in beeps.

Next:

Summer Blockbusters

Jaws
Is it safe yet? Nope.

Grease
A nice girl turns slutty

Independence Day
Russell has something for you!

Next: Horses in movies: not one, not two, but lots and lots of horses

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Ten thousand Rohirrim kick ass!

Breaker Morant
Impressive dawn raid by Boers

Waterloo
French cavalrymen charge, die, fail

Next:

Offbeat war movies

Kelly’s Heroes
Offbeat characters pull off heist

Apocalypse Now
Conrad turns over in grave

Battle for the Planet of the Apes
Mercifully, the last ‘Ape’ movie

Next:
Film Noir

D.O.A.
Man seeks who poisoned him

Le Samouraï
Alain Delon’s epic French thriller

The Maltese Falcon
Bogart, the hard-boiled dick

Next: MacGuffins

Casablanca
“Letters of transit”? Implausible; important.

Pulp Fiction
Glowing briefcase contained… who knows?

Star Wars
Death Star plans eagerly sought.

Next:

More MacGuffins

Rosemary’s Baby
The baby is a Macguffin

Catch-22
That ever-elusive quota of missions

Raiders of the Lost Ark
Described as “beautiful” — then deadly

Next: Concert films

Do you mean just a film of a live concert, or a narrative film that has footage of a real band in performance?

I had Stop Making Sense in mind, but I’ll accept whichever way people want to go.

The main criteria is that it had to have been released in theaters, or streamed as a feature.

Stop Making Sense
David Byrne, big suit costar.

The Last Waltz
The Band’s farewell concert… not.

U2 3D
Simply awesome, musically and visually

Next up:

Bad movies that you still like

The Magic Christian
Peter Sellers “adopts” Ringo Starr

Hell House LLC
Hell of an opening night!

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad
The magic of Ray Harryhausen

Next: Movies with stop-motion sequences

Terminator 2
Last big one-- then, CGI.

King Kong (1933)
First big one-- audiences amazed.

The Wrong Trousers
Wallace and Gromit classic (fingerprints!)

NEXT: Unusual ways to die

The Omen
A fallen priest is impaled

Braveheart
The prince’s advisor is defenestrated

This Is Spinal Tap
Drummer spontaneously combusts while onstage

Next: Birthing scenes in movies

Gone with the Wind
Prissy, scared, “don’t know nothin’”

Excalibur
Arthur is born, taken away

Alien
Very unpleasant birthing scene indeed

Next up:

Non-violent death scenes