Five-Word Movie Review

Non-violent death scenes

The Godfather
Vito suffers natural heart attack.

Love Story
Terminally ill girl succumbs quietly.

A Walk to Remember
Love Story updated for 2000s.

Next:

Very violent death scenes

Doctor Strange
Dormammu kills Strange many times

Saving Private Ryan
Jackson in the bell tower

Watchmen
Dr. Manhattan blows up Rorschach

Next: Hero dies… or do they?

The Iron Giant
Robot ultimately on the mend

The Hidden
Sacrifice, melding; little girl understands?

The Dark Knight Rises
Bruce Wayne glimpsed in Florence

Next:

Other films of Christopher Nolan

Memento
Having trouble remembering this movie

Tenet
“Magic bullets”? Come on, now

Inception
Surprisingly, I could follow this

Next: Wes Anderson movies

The French Dispatch
Alas, put me to sleep

The Grand Budapest Hotel
Simply a masterpiece, I think

Rushmore
Great cast; funny and charming

Next up:

Three more Wes Anderson movies

The Royal Tenenbaums
Very good; Hackman was great

Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Murray as a broken Cousteau

The Darjeeling Express
Three brothers on a journey

Next: Three more Wes Anderson movies

Nitpicks: it’s The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and The Darjeeling Limited.

Bottle Rocket
His first, about Arizona slackers

Fantastic Mr. Fox
Stop-motion movie; stellar voice cast

Moonrise Kingdom
Nerdy kids run away together

Next up:

Movies with a really badass villain

Movies with a really badass villain

Goldfinger
Kills all his rivals simultaneously.

The Sting
Lonnegan is Chicago rackets’ Godfather.

Die Hard
Gruber is a criminal mastermind.

Next, in honour of the B-movie thread over in CS, let’s try …

B-Movies

C.H.U.D.
Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers? L.A.M.E.

Pink Flamingos
Small budget but big laughs

Dolemite
Parody of 1970’s Blaxpoloitation films

Films featuring Michael Caine

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Superior remake of Bedtime Story

The Muppet Christmas Carol
Superb job as Ebenezer Scrooge

Austin Powers in Goldmember
He’s Austin’s dad! Who knew?

Next: Films of Jeff Goldblum

Death Wish
Screen debut as “Freak #1

The Big Chill
Played annoying People magazine writer

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
Very good as “New Jersey”

Next:

More Films of Jeff Goldblum

Jurassic Park
Death by dinosaur? No more!

Independence Day
Alien code stack? Mac hack!

The Fly
Teleportation? More like, insect integration!

(not sure why I did the question / answer rhyming thing; just felt right)

Next: Big Summer blockbuster implausible effects-laden sci-fi / adventure films

Independence Day
Must build new White House

Wild Wild West
Giant robospider? Sure, why not?

Edge of Tomorrow
This time we’ll beat aliens

Next:

Pretty good romcoms since 1990

Two Weeks Notice
Trumpish Grant meets his match

Four Weddings and a Funeral
Grant watches his friends marry

You’ve Got Mail
Massive bookseller chases perky competitor

Next: Meg Ryan movies

Rich and Famous
Her screen debut, in 1981

Sleepless in Seattle
Rosie O’Donnell as her galpal

City of Angels
Plays doomed Los Angeles doctor

Next:

Nic Cage movies that are actually good

(Assuming you don’t mean ones I liked, but others liked as well)

Moonstruck
Sliced off hand for love

Con Air
Put the bunny down. Now.

Face/Off
Cage v. Travolta in thriller

Next: Zany comedies

Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Just don’t say “Ni! Ni!”

Dave
Kline, Weaver: terrific political comedy

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
Steve Martin at his best

Next:

More zany comedies

Bringing up Baby
Not one, but two leopards.

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown
Spain gains freedom: hilarity ensues.

The Awful Truth

They are still in love.

Movies based on works of Agatha Christie

Murder on the Orient Express
1974: Albert Finney is great

Witness for the Prosecution
2016 TV miniseries is better

Death on the Nile
Ustinov or Branagh as Poirot?

Next:

Best pre-2009 Sherlock Holmes movies

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939)
Basil Rathbone’s first as Holmes

The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959)
Peter Cushing does excellent work

The Seven Percent Solution (1974)
An addicted and unstable Holmes

Next: Hammer Studio films