Five-Word Movie Review

Simon Birch
A prayer for Owen Meany

Breakfast at Tiffany’s
She’s not misunderstood, she’s awful!

Cabaret
MC’s a survivor; Sally’s not.

Visually dazzling, oh-the-wonder-of-it-all movies

2001: A Space Odyssey
Humanity gets uplifted by aliens

Star Wars: A New Hope
Amazing, fun, adventurous space opera

Cloud Atlas
Multiple eras, characters are interlinked

Next up:

Dystopian but good movies

The Matrix
Should’ve took the blue pill

Blade Runner
Tell me about your mother

Robocop
“You’re coming with me, creep.”

Next: More dystopian movies worth watching

Children of Men
No more babies? Oh, crap…

Dark City
Strangers, Tuning: so damn good

The Book of Eli
Lonely hero on sun-blasted journey

Next up:

Road movies with a difference

Two-Lane Blacktop
No character is ever named.

The Gumball Rally
Scratch Jaguar, Corvette, Chevy Van …

Convoy
Speeding while avoiding Smokies, Bears …

Next:

Surfs Up! Beach Movies

Where the Boys Are
College women explore their sexuality.

Beach Blanket Bingo
Every 60’s beach movie together.

Soul Surfer
Shark bites surfer’s arm off.

More beach movies

Psycho Beach Party
Amy Adams loses her bottom

From Here to Eternity
A most iconic beach scene

On the Beach
Ironically, not much beachfront action

Next: Blaxploitation movies

Sweet Sweetback’s Baadasssss Song
Filmed in just 19 days

Foxy Brown
The meanest chick in town!

Shaft
“And we can dig it…”

Next up:

The most honky films ever made

White Christmas
Sisteres, sisters, lord help 'em!

Oklahoma
There’s a bright golden haze…

High Society
Wotta swell party it’s been!

Films about and featuring Native Americans

Billy Jack
Non-violent man lets fists speak

Thunderheart
FBI investigates ARM, not AIM

Windtalkers
Navaho needs a white savior?

Next: Asian stars in US movies

Tomorrow Never Dies
Michelle Yeoh kicks butt, again

X-Men: Days of Future Past
Fan Bingbing makes herself useful

Rush Hour
Arguably Jackie Chan’s best movie

Next up:

Movies with New Age soundtracks

Koyaanisqatsi
Only audio is Phillip Glass.

Dune (2021)
Didn’t keep awake too much.

Chariots of Fire
Lofty title to reach for.

NEXT: Non-animated films with animated openings

It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
The crowds never stop coming

Catch Me If You Can
Nice retro animation done here

The Pink Panther
And don’t forget Inspector Clousseau!

Next: Animated ending sequences of non-animated films

Grease
Teens* ride convertible into sky.

*OK so the actors who portrayed them were comfortably in their 20s. And the guy who played the bully Kanicki looked every bit of 40 at the time.

Enchanted
Princess returns to 2D finally.

A Series of Unfortunate Events
Shadow puppets while credits roll.

Movies about (or with) teenagers, and the actors are actually themselves teenagers

True Grit
Teen girl hires The Dude.

Eighth Grade
Awkward adolescence with awkward adolescent.

Superbad
McLovin’ actor was really 17!

“Didn’t see that coming!” Movies with a shocking, out-of-left field scene or twist.

Diabolique
Just messing with her head!

Dirty, Rotten Scoundrels
She’s even worse than them!

The Usual Suspects
Kevin Spacey? Very bad man!

Feature films featuring Rowan Atkinson

Four Weddings and a Funeral

“Father, Son and Holy Spigot.”

Johnny English

James Bond meets Mr. Bean

The Lion King

He voiced Mufasa’s friend Zazu.

Road Comedies

National Lampoon’s Vacation
What? Wally World is closed?

Tommy Boy
Fat man in little suit!

Planes Trains & Automobiles
Brrrr! How 'bout those Bears?

Next: More road comedies

It Happened One Night
Socialite, reporter fall in love.

Midnight Run
Bounty hunter, mob accountant bond.

Little Miss Sunshine
Very dysfunctional family goes far.

Next up:

Movies with a prominent countdown scene.

Apollo 13

Going to the moon! Maybe…

Octopussy

Bond, as clown, disarms bomb.

The Peacemaker

Chasing a nuke across Europe

A US state is named in the title.