Age of Innocence
Winona Ryder or Michelle Pfeiffer?
A Boy and His Dog
Girlfriend or dog? Tough choice.
Holes
Choice between freedom or justice.
Movies that improved on the books they adapted
Limitless
Book is great; movie better
Patriot Games
Much better than Clancy’s novel
Contact
Far better than Sagan’s novel
Next up:
Movie adaptations of novels that were much, much worse than the original
Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children
Great book, turned awful movie
Watchmen
Alien invasion became nuclear annihilation
The Dark Tower
All books ain’t one movie
Next: Movies that even Tom Hanks couldn’t save
Joe vs. the Volcano
All women are Meg Ryan?
Bachelor Party
SPLASH set the bar high…
Forrest Gump
Did not watch it twice.
Movies written by National Lampoon alumni
I wish I could have not watched it more than once.
National Lampoon’s Animal House
Drunken fraternity finally does right.
National Lampoon’s Vacation
Family road trip turns disastrous.
Sixteen Candles
Family forgets teen girl’s birthday.
Movies in which a baby is born
Yours, Mine and Ours
#19 doesn’t choose a side.
Way Down East
Born, baptized, and [spoiler alert].
Rosemary’s Baby
But “Guy has normal eyes!”
NEXT: Movies with a mixed marriage (however defined)
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
White parents get a shock
Love Actually
Keira, Chiwetel totes adorbs together
Othello
Any filmed version will do
Next up:
Movies that feature truly happy marriages
CODA
Deaf people fuck very loudly.
Cheaper By the Dozen
Many, many kids: happy parents?
The Addams Family
Gomez, Morticia are so lustful.
More movies that feature truly happy marriages
The Brady Bunch Movie
From TV to big screen
Four Weddings and a Funeral
It ends with happy marriages
When Harry Met Sally
Took awhile to get there
Next: Terrible marriages
Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Taylor, Burton blast each other
The Godfather
Connie, Sandra have terrible husbands
The War of the Roses
Douglas, Turner turn to violence
Next up:
Mafia comedies
Mafia!
Like Airplane!, but the Mob.
The Whole Nine Yards
Nebbishy dentist befriends mob boss.
The Family
Joisey mob family in France.
Memorable sequences in the credits or post-credits
The Avengers
Heroes, eating shawarma, in silence
Zombieland: Double Tap
Murray’s cameo saves boring movie
Toy Story
Blooper reels from a cartoon?
Next: More memorable sequences in the credits or post-credits
Catch Me If You Can
Very cool animated title sequence
Contact
Ultralong panning shot opens movie
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Galadriel’s voiceover sets the stage
Next up:
Best movies of Cate Blanchett
Thor: Ragnarok
Family’s squabble destroys a world
The Aviator
Her Katharine Hepburn is unparalleled
The Shipping News
Her “Petal” still haunts me
Next: Best movies of Julianna Moore
You mean this actress, I presume…?
Best movies of Julianne Moore
Boogie Nights
Den mother to… porn actors?!?
Game Change
Made a great Sarah Palin
The Big Lebowski
Maude is role of lifetime
Next up:
Great actor or actress; sucky movie
The Island of Dr. Moreau
Brando’s legendary half-assing on display.
Cats
Roster of greats, trash movie.
Battlefield Earth
Travolta’s Scientology fetish comes through.
FIlms with religious (not necessarily Christian) whackadoodles
FIlms with religious (not necessarily Christian) whackadoodles
Airplane
Kramer takes on airport fanatics
Midsommar
Swedish commune is pagan cult
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Temple tunnels contain Thugee thugs
Next: Movies featuring heroes with unique weapons
Django (Not the Tarantino one)
Casket hid a Gatling gun
Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome
I liked the boomerang kid!
Premium Rush
His bike WAS a weapon!
Movies with style but no substance
Tron Legacy
Long Daft Punk music video.
Speed Racer
Made some viewers quite dizzy.
Neon Demon
Imagery, cinematography eclipse the narrative.
Movies that get in your head and make you think about stuff