Greed
As pointless as the book
Grand Illusion
Vastly overrated WWI prison movie
JFK
Pretends to be history; isn’t
Next: Failed movie versions of successful TV shows
It’s Pat!
Straight to video SNL movie.
The Avengers
I wish this were good.
The Flintstones
The jokes started very early.
Next: movies that spawned successful TV shows.
MASH*
Actual Korean War was shorter
Star Wars
Several hit animated series since
Parenthood
Two later series; second succeeded
Next: TV shows that should never have made the leap to the big screen
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me
Poor idea and poor execution.
The Flintstones
Live action mess, with stars?!
Bewitched
Wrong cast, wrong director, etc.
Next: Movies where the pet doesn’t die.
Independence Day
Remarkably, the dog outruns fireball
The Wrong Trousers
Wallace, Gromit capture jewel thief
The Dam Busters
Dog’s name not politically correct
Next: Movies where the pet does die
Old Yeller
“Sick, doggy snuff film!” --Phoebe
Single, White Female
Another sick, doggy snuff film.
The Last Man on Earth
The dog gets zombie infection.
Next: more films where no animals die.
Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey
Animals finally find their family.
Music and Lyrics
She kills his plants, though.
50 First Dates
Barrymore seeks advice from walrus.
Next: Films where the protagonist is a musician.
Films where the protagonist is a musician.
The Wall
Rocker has crazy metaphorical journey
Ghostbusters
Cellist’s apartment building is haunted
Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Film riffs on musician tropes
Next: Movies featuring fathers.
Broken Blossoms
One of film’s worst fathers.
Life with Father
Father runs household-- sort of.
Kramer vs. Kramer
Divorced father wants child custody.
Next: movies about bad parenting.
The Door in the Floor
Grieving, alcoholic parents neglect daughter
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
Intergenerational incest in chilly Sweden
The Great Santini
Great Marine pilot; abusive dad
Next: Movies about great parenting
I Remember Mama
Irene Dunne is good mother.
Yours, Mine and Ours (1968)
Huge blended family manages well.
Life is Beautiful
Father pretends WWII is game.
Next: movies with the word “witness” in the title.
Witness
Possibly Harrison Ford’s best movie.
Witness For The Prosecution
Spoiler Alert: Triple Twist Ending.
Witness To Murder
Spoiler Alert: Single Twist Ending.
Next: Movies set in “Darkest Africa”. No Tarzan films, please.
The Gods Must Be Crazy
Empty Coke bottle starts adventure.
The African Queen
Bogart and Hepburn: screen dynamite!
Gorillas in the Mist
Weaver plays Dian Fossey perfectly.
Next: Movies by John Hughes
The Breakfast Club
Teens meet for Saturday detention.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Teen defies principal, takes vacation.
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Man goes home for Thanksgiving.
Next: John Sayles films.
Return of the Secaucus 7
Inspiration for The Big Chill?
The Brother from Another Planet
Extraterrestrial makes friends in Harlem.
Eight Men Out
Black Sox scandal; great cast.
Next: Movies about baseball, not including Eight Men Out.
Bull Durham
Baseball? Metaphor for love/life.
The natural
Thousands injured from exploding lights
Field of dreams
Costner again. He loves baseball.
Next up:
Movies where all or most of the main characters die.
Dr. Strangelove
Comedic miscommunication causes worldwide annihilation.
The Dirty Dozen
Twelve start mission, one survives.
Night of the Living Dead
Zombies. Humans fight back, fail.
Next: Movies starring James Caan.
Chapter Two
Stiffed the original Broadway actors.
Alien Nation
This movie spawned TV show?
Misery
Works because of Kathy Bates.
Next: movies with a made-up sport in them.
Pendant alert! All sports are made up.
Anyway:
The Beast with a Billion Backs
Blernsball more exciting than baseball
*
Deathrace 2000*
Hit and run for points!
The Running Man
Packed with cheesy Arnold one-liners
Next up:
Movies with fictional money
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone (and other HP movies)
Harry is loaded with galleons.
Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
“Simoleon” is the 'Toons currency.
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
Bikini Bottom trades paper clams.
Next: non-documentaries (although reality-based dramas are OK) where at least one character is on death row most of the movie.