Five-Word Movie Review

The Green Mile
One of Steven King’s best…
*
Shawshank Redemption* (does life sentence count?)
Except this one is better

Dead Man Walking
I barely remember seeing it.

If someone wants to fill in a third death row movie in place of Shawshank, go ahead.

Next up:

Movies featuring maimed or deformed main characters.

Devil’s Knot*
Excellent fact-based account of WM3.

Movies featuring maimed or deformed character:

Freaks
Used real circus freak performers.

The Penalty
Lon Chaney maimed by doctor.

Boxing Helena
Helena loses all but head.
Next: films where Dorothy Parker has a writing credit or a cameo appearance.

Another death row movie:

The Chamber
Hackman, condemned; O’Donnell, lawyer: compelling!

A Star is Born (1937)
Starlet rises, old star falls.

Saboteur
Not one of Hitchcock’s best.

The Little Foxes
Dysfunctional Southern family; complicated plot.

Next: Movies that take place all or partially on a train.

The Lady Vanishes
Best of Hitch’s British Films.

Murder on the Orient Express
Dame Agatha loved this one.

Runaway Train
Two escaped convicts; nobody driving!

Missed edit window:

Next: movies set on boat, raft, ocean-liner, military ship, what have you, almost exclusively.

Big Broadcast of 1938
All Star Ocean Liner Race.

Titanic
With music by Celine Dion.

Opeation Petticoat
Postwar comedy on a submarine.
Next: Movies set in the future.

Movies set in the future of the time they were made, not necessarily still in the future of 2017.

Metropolis
Dystopian future: haves & have-nots.

Destination Moon
Realistic 50s moon flight film.

Alien
Intergalactic salvage crew finds xenomorph.
Next: movies about time travel.

Movies about time travel

Terminator
Cyborg sent to kill Sarah

Primer
Guys loop back for profit

Army of Darkness
Mouthy jerk meets King Arthur

Next: Bruce Campbell movies

Bubba Ho-Tep
The finest Elvis/Mummy movie.

Spider-Man
He named the webslinging hero.

Army Of Darkness
Enunciation is oh, so important!
Next: Woody Harrelson movies

Zombieland
Woody wants a twinkie bad

The Hunger Games
He’s previous winner turned alcoholic
*
No Country for Old Men*
Plays a bounty hunter. Dies.

Next up:

Movies in theaters now!

Harper Valley P.T.A.
His first movie: “uncredited extra.”

Natural Born Killers
Oliver Stone, Quentin Tarantino collaboration.

The People vs. Larry Flynt
Talk about rooting for villain.
Next: movies with a Blondie song.

Movies in theaters now:*

Wonder Woman*
Gal Gadot is really wonderful.

Cars 3
Better than 2; almost 1.

My Cousin Rachel
Looking forward: du Maurier adaptation.
Next: movies with a Blondie song.

Movies in theaters now:

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
Kids’ book series goes Hollywood

Cars 3
Better reviews than I’d guess

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2
Still really wanna see it

ETA: Next: movies with a Blondie song

movies with a Blondie song

Mean Girls (One Way or Another)
Sociological study in high school

The Bitch (Denis)
Joan Collins in Title Role

Zach and Miri Make a Porno (Dreaming)
Friends try porn for cash
Next: Movies with a Ramones song

Daddy Day Care (“I Wanna Be Sedated”)
Unfunny Eddie Murphy movie, pass.

Detroit Rock City (“I Wanna Be Sedated”, “Blitzkreig Bop”)
Detroit? Nope. Filmed in Toronto.

Rock 'n Roll High School (too many to list)
Not your average school movie.

Next: Movies about American football.

National Lampoon’s Vacation (“Blitzkrieg Bop”)
Family has many on-road misadventures.

Billy Madison (“Beat on the Brat”)
Adam Sandler must repeat school.

House of 1,000 Corpses (“Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue”)
Search for Urban Legends successful.
Next: movies about American football.

Windrunner
Ghost coaches high school player.

Brian’s Song
James Caan plays dying player.

Remember the Titans
Black coach of integrated team.
Next: Isabelle Huppert movies.

La Pianiste
Messed-up piano teacher has fling

Cactus
Starred in 1986 Australian drama

Madame Hyde
Her next, due next year

Next: Gérard Depardieu films

The Return of Martin Guerre
What, when did Bertrande know?

At Night All Cats are Crazy
Playwright entertains niece with stories.

The Man in the Iron Mask
The DiCaprio all-star mess. Bleh.
Next: Julie Delpy movies.

But I’m a Cheerleader
RuPaul is not in drag.

An American Werewolf in Paris
Revival of an uninteresting franchise.

Avengers: Age of Ultron
She had a cameo only.

Next: Peter Sellers movies.