Here I sit, in a suburb of Rio de Janeiro, in front of my wife´s cousin´s computer. My wife and her sister are out visiting friends.
The symptoms were classic: popups, lots of funny things showing up in the processes list, a big warning on the screen “This machine is INFECTED!”
So, I have spent the past two hours killing rogue processes, deleting their “prefetch” files, disabling various services.
If that ain´t enough, this machine is all in Portuguese: all of the things about Windows that are so familiar, including process names, are all in Portuguese.
Right now, I´m waiting for Trend Micro House Call to trickle down the dialup connection.
I always seem to be the one who is asked to take care of machines that I should only handle with latex gloves. Somehow, I never say no.
How about you? Is this what you do on your vacations?
I fixed the second problem. My rule is that you get computer help from me if you are
[ul]
[li]My mother.[/li][li]Sleeping with me, or likely to do so in the near future.[/li][li]Paying me (at a rate that increases everytime someone actually agrees to pay it. I’m up to $80 an hour, now.)[/li][/ul]
Everyone else gets “Go get Firefox, AdAware, and AVG Antivirus. Set your computer up behind a hardware router. Hope that helps.”
I’m learning to say no. I recently turned down the joy of “fixing” a Compaq Armada 1740 laptop that someone had given to a friend of mine.
“But it’s free!” she says, “Can’t you fix it for me?”
Me: looking at “built for Windows 95” sticker and broken touchpad button. “NO”
Her: With a big sigh and a look that both say I’m a horribly mean person .“I guess I’ll give it back. Can you get it to boot for my friend at least?”
Me: “NO. Keep it and use it as a doorstop.”
Her: "Well, I’m getting pop-ups on my regular computer again. You’ll fix that for me right?
Me: sigh I suppose so.
I’m learning, but I’m not quite there yet.
Oh dear lord, yes. Most of the problems are ID-10-T errors, and can range the gamut from “easily fixable” to “this thing is boned”. Some people should NOT own computers.
I fix a “stable” of computers that I’ve built myself, for my really poor family members. They get service for free.
One family member, after putting me through two marathon troubleshootings due to Kazaa, got cut off. I told her next time it breaks, $300.
For my cousin, he’s a kid. I know what kind of crap he does. I know how it messes up his machine. He acts like a know-it-all. He fixes it himself or lives with it.
I do alot of format/reinstalls for people. In the end it’s usually easier to do that then spend hours cleaning up a machine. I charge $75/hr for people not related to me.
That is my strategy too. However, people balk at the $70.00 per hour I charge, especially when I tell them that if they ask another question I start billing, and it is a one hour minimum charge. Strangely, I don’t get a whole lot of people asking… Too bad really
When people whine about paying my $80/hour, and want to know how long it will take, I ask them how much they pay their plumber, and if he will tell how long the job will last. lt doesn’t help much, but at the second whine, I just pack up and leave.
