I agree with the person who said think how he must treat his wife. As a teenager I used to babysit for a family like this. The dad was never rude to me directly but he would scold his wife like she was a child in front of me. It was so awkward. I picture this guy being the same way.
Just be glad you don’t have to deal with him much!
He told you that you should be ashamed of yourself? He’s not worth any more of your time and energy, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he continues to try to make you feel bad every chance he gets.
Screaming babies and sleep deprivation can make even the most stable woman do things way out of character.
You over reacted, everything’s been done, chalk it to experience and move on. Yeah the guy sounds like a jerk, but if you hold onto the angst the only person you hurt is yourself. Let it go, be cool but pleasant when you see him. Don’t ignore him but don’t go out of your way to start a conversation or in any way socialise with him, just acknowledge his presence and play on.
With his wife, don’t sweat it, don’t chase her. Same thing, be pleasant and let her come to you if she wants to. If she does, take it from there if she doesn’t, her loss.
I’m going to be a voice of dissent. You said you honked twice. The second time “when he finally turned around” implies that you were being both rude and obnoxious. You mentioned cursing and flailing your hands about and then spending the rest of the day in a “nervous breakdown.”
I don’t blame you,you were sleep deprived and still very hormonal. But for him to even remember it say it was a BIG deal. You owe him a real apology, not a fake one. Remember, he was also dealing with the same new baby sleep deprivation.
I agree with the above about places where you do not honk. Ever. But bygones should be bygones at some point. If he brings it up again, just say, “Dude, let it go. I already apologized, what more do you want from me? I moved on a long time ago, why can’t you?”
If I may play devil’s advocate, well… he probably thinks you are a nutbag. And, to be fair, you had a nervous breakdown over getting stuck in traffic for thirty seconds. That’s pretty out there. IMO, he’s not unjustified in not wanting to associate with you. I wouldn’t want to associate with someone who did that to me, either. But you’re a grown-up. Not everyone is going to like you, and that’s ok.
Such is my life…seems whenever I discover the identity of the adult that bugs me the most at a school event, dance class or on the soccer field wherever, fate determines that my kid will bond with the kid of the bratty adult that I dislike…which sometimes puts me in close proximity to crazy pants mom or angryface dad.
Cars and their drivers at school drop offs is a major trigger point for me, seems everyone wants to wait until they are in front of the main entrance to drop off, which clogs up the drive behind since no one wants to pull past the front doors and make their snowflake walk a short distance down the sidewalk. So i would very slowly glide past the long waiting line, to the open expanse beyond the entrance, let my kid out there. Oh so many people would get bug eyed that I would do that, like I was cutting in line or something…
You were wrong and rude, you just happened to be wrong and rude to an asshole. You apologized so its over and it’s time to move on.
I’m not quite as sanguine that it was legal for him to make the right turn out of the driveway, although it may be that I’m not completely understanding the situation, or I don’t know your state’s laws.
In my state, you’re obligated to stop for any school bus that is picking up or discharging passengers when you “approach” that bus from any direction. “Approach” has been held to mean that, when the bus is stopped at a four-way corner, traffic approaching the corner from each of the four directions must halt.
It’s not clear to me how far to the left the bus was from the driveway from which the OP and the Disgruntled Dad were exiting, but it seems possible that, at least in my state, persons exiting that driveway would have been required to stop. And in light of the fact that the penalty for violating this requirement is reckless driving, it seems arguable that, if a driver is not sure if he is permitted to proceed, the prudent course would be to wait.
Are you more ashamed of your own actions (and seeing him reminds him of that shame) or are you more pissed off at his actions?
Little bit of both, but as I said above, he didn’t really give me a chance to feel bad about it, because he so quickly put me on the defensive.
DigitalC phrased it well – I was rude and obnoxious, but I was rude and obnoxious to an asshole. Lesson learned. I’m not really an asshole, so if someone was rude to me but then apologized, I’d be like, “Cool!” But he didn’t seem to be expecting my apology, was surprised when he got it, and then appeared to immediately feel superior. Whatevs.
I’ll just keep playing it cool around him and his wife, but I really do feel better about the whole thing after talking about on the SDMB. You guys are, like, the cheapest therapy out there.
And I promise not to honk in anger ever again (at least not at school or work).
Little bit of both, but as I said above, he didn’t really give me a chance to feel bad about it, because he so quickly put me on the defensive.
DigitalC phrased it well – I was rude and obnoxious, but I was rude and obnoxious to an asshole. Lesson learned. I’m not really an asshole, so if someone was rude to me but then apologized, I’d be like, “Cool!” But he didn’t seem to be expecting my apology, was surprised when he got it, and then appeared to immediately feel superior. Whatevs.
I’ll just keep playing it cool around him and his wife, but I really do feel better about the whole thing after talking about on the SDMB. You guys are, like, the cheapest therapy out there.
And I promise not to honk in anger ever again (at least not at school or work).
I think you dodged a bullet here. I’m not saying you were right to honk at him, because it’s his decision when to make that right turn (although if he didn’t go because he was too busy talking on his phone, I might take that back). He was way more wrong to stop in traffic to berate you, and then bring it up again much later. He’s a world-class jerk, and you don’t want to be friends with that family. Even if you like his wife, stay very, very far away. You’d have that difficult kind of friendship where you have to avoid the husband because he’s such a jerk, and that kind of thing never ends well.
People tend to be extra cautious when adjacent to a schoolbus picking up up kids. There are often a number of rules with severe penalties for infractions on how to interact with school busses. If I had been behind a person stopped next to picking up schoolbus and they did not move even though they could have legally I would have let it go. You behaved like a huge, out of control, raging asshole. I can understand why he was upset with you, but calling you out in front of your kid was uncalled for. Even so you were a bigger and more impolite asshole in your behavior than he was. I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re an unstable loon.
You need to own what you did, put it in a box and move on. The awkward apology stage is as good as it’s going to get. It will never be made good or perfect. Life is imperfect stop obsessing about the snarl and move past it.
I don’t really care about this dad at all, but I agree from how smaje1 has described her own behavior he’d be completely justified in thinking she’s a nut. My own mom had emotional problems and couldn’t handle relatively minor life stresses. She’d have regular nervous breakdowns and emotional outbursts that were really frightening to witness as a small child.
And frankly, the kind of minor things that set my own mother off would probably literally kill smaje1, if sitting in traffic for 20-30 seconds turned her into a raging lunatic waving her hands violently and blasting the horn at a daycare. Who needs a day of respite surrounded by close friends and (literally) a physician’s care over a car not turning in front of a bus loading small children?
Getting delayed for less than a minute is literally one of the smallest setbacks I can imagine. Were you able to handle minor life setbacks before you had kids or is this a persistent problem?
If this were a Ryan Reynolds/Sandra Bullock vehicle, I would say you’re in love with him. Are you recently widowed? Stuck in a loveless marriage that needs a jumpstart that only the threat of an extramarital affair can produce? Is this man a Canadian with melt-me brown eyes and a totally ripped torso that glimmers with a hint of perspiration whenever his shirt is removed?
If so, I think we’ve got a summer blockbuster on our hands.
The Buses of Madison County?
You instigated the obnoxious behavior. So what if could legally have gone? Wanting to take extra precautions when young children are getting on or off a bus is perfectly reasonable and appropriate. By honking at him, you chastised him for being extra-careful not to run over a child.
His initial reaction of criticizing your behavior was also appropriate. He didn’t scream at you, threaten you, or call you names. How did he become the jerk in your mind?
And why care if he calls you by name? He probably didn’t remember your name, and why should he? Quit trying to concoct reasons why he is to blame.
I understand why you were stressed and overreacted, but now extend him the empathy you would like and consider that he also has reasons for his behavior you’d know nothing about.
When you are having a bad day, it may explain mistreating others, but it does not excuse it.
This is what I was thinking too. The couple is also thinking about practical matters such as being friends with you and you have their child in your car with theirs and you have another bit of road rage that turns out differently.
I think that, bottom line, whats really bothering you is that you lost control with both your kids in the car and because you not only blew up over such a trivial thing and your anger is way out of proportion to the actual event months later … you know deep down that something is wrong.
The potential friendship isn’t the issue, it’s an anger management problem that needs to be addressed. That’s what is eating at you.
I’ll tell you what, I hate thinking that he and his wife think I’m a nutbag, 'cause I’m totally not a nutbag. But unless they (or she) delves into it, I’m not really going to get another chance to explain myself (that it’s not typical behavior for me, that I was functioning on very little sleep, and oh my god that screaming baby). But I know that I won’t usually get a chance to explain my behaviors in life, so if the impression I gave them was MAJOR NUTBAG, then I’ll have to live with that.
And yes, it did bother me – tremendously – that I freaked out so bad about the whole situation. If you read the original OP, you’ll see that I actually sought help from my doctor after the episode, and without getting into too much detail here, she and I have explored various solutions for any further angry outbursts.
Number one solution? Get more sleep.
What’s up with car-stop -> baby screaming? 
That said, the rest of that post would put me into *grrrrrrrrr *mode, too. You do have my sympathy.
That’s actually good advice for many situations. “Dude, I’m trying my very best to be a grown-ass adult about this. And you?”
I, ah, had a point to make. I have completely forgotten it. Thank you, however, for one helluva mental image. Now I’m all distracted.
Ah, the internet. Where nothing is forgiven, not even a sleep-deprived craptacular morning. That’s some serious judgey-judgement, and that’s coming from someone who wants no children and has very little patience for those who have them. Even I know that sometimes, people have A Very Bad Day. It happens.