Why do they have an obligation to listen to you now? Any acquaintance would absolutely be justified in cutting ties with someone who ever does this kind of thing, even just once. **Most **people do not have psychiatric meltdowns over traffic snags, no matter how sleep-deprived they become or how many children they have.
I’m not saying you’re a nutbag, I don’t know you well enough to say anything like that. But the behavior you exhibited that day is pretty freaking nutty. And if a guy who previously didn’t even know your name thinks you’re a nut now, he’s justified in not wanting to have contact with you. That is not something that can be fixed, nor does it indicate a moral failing on his part for not wanting to fix it. Just don’t do it again.
I never said they had an obligation to listen to me. I know I have no effect on what they do, just what I do. If it had happened the other way around, I wouldn’t have wanted anything to do with him either.
And what I want is closure – meaning, I don’t want to feel so shitty about this anymore. I’ve done all I can do, which, in this case, is apologize to him for my behavior. Done and done. I still feel (or, before this OP, felt) shitty about it.
Now I no longer feel so shitty about it, because talking it out on this board has made me realize that, as stated above, I was a rude asshole, but I was a rude asshole to a person whom I consider to be a jerk (the “jerk” part comes from the way in which he admonished me – twice – and once in front of my child). Not much more I can do.
And for those of you who have never been extremely sleep deprived and have crazy post-partum hormones raging through you and a screaming baby, try not to judge too harshly, ok?
I’ve got experience with screaming babies and sleep deprivation but no postpartum hormones. Try to understand it’s not about judging you harshly. It’s just about making sure you understand your reaction was really extreme and disproportionate.
I think it’s fantastic you recognized that you needed to see a medical professional about your behavior immediately. Keep it up. With the tiny bit of knowledge we have about you - how you behaved and the fact that it’s bothering you so much after all this time - I’d say you still have work to do.
Incidentally, I don’t think the actual freaking out in the moment, although it was a terrible reaction, is nearly as telling as the fact that it utterly ruined your day to the point that you needed medical care, or that it’s still bothering you after all this time.
You’re not the only one doing this, FD, but it seems there’s a trend in this tread for telling the OP that she needs medical help while at the same time chastising her for…seeking medical help.
smaje1, your behavior that day may have been rude, but to me it doesn’t sound horrible. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of - I wish that losing my cool in traffic were the worst thing I’ve ever done.
I’m more concerned about what you describe as a “nervous breakdown” than I am about the question of who is right or wrong here. It sounds like you’ve already done something about your stress level, which is good, but it still seems like you’re on edge. Stewing over this situation doesn’t help. You might consider clearing the air - not just apologizing, but explaining that you don’t normally act this way. It would also help to explain what Jerk Dad did to contribute to the problem (using the phone as an excuse, calling you “Li’l’ smaje’s mom,” calling you out in front of your kid, holding the problem over your head for months instead of letting it die). If you do this, don’t expect them to agree with your point of view (or even to understand it). Even if you don’t come to an understanding, you’ll probably feel better about yourself for having tried.
I think I know what may make you feel a little stuck in this situation. From personal experience I know that when I apologize to someone for my behavior, but am also thinking (but not saying) that they were also at fault, I am left feeling that I surrendered and they didn’t.
It can leave you wanting something from the other person.
What works for me is keeping it clear in my head that I am apologizing for my own behavior. What they chose to do about theirs is their business.
If you “poured on the sugar” maybe you were just hoping to erase the uncomfortable feeling between you without much sincerity behind it. And now you are stuck with him not playing the game back.
A sincere apology if I truly am taking responsibility for what I did wrong and then knowing I did my part regardless of what the other person does and then considering it done on my end works for me.
I think in our society we too often think an apology obligates the other person in some way. It doesn’t. The apology is for you to feel like your side of the fence is picked up.
And conversely some people see an apology as an opportunity to keep piling it on. Neither of those ideas creates much mutual comfort.
I think you’re a bit right about that, Tethered Kite. I don’t like feeling that I was the only one who did wrong in the situation, but I’m pretty sure Jerk Dad doesn’t think he did anything wrong at all (and I’m sure there are those of you who would agree he didn’t do anything wrong, and that the onus is all on me). I sure wish I knew for a fact that he said he was on the phone, because that would make me feel a lot better. But he probably didn’t see anything wrong with confronting me in front of my kid at day care – he felt he was in the right, because I was the one who had done him wrong.
For those who are concerned about the fact that I’m still “holding onto” this months later, I was concerned too – which is why I started this thread. But I feel myself letting go of it, and that was the whole point. It’s not unusual for me to feel guilt or other conflicting emotions for a long time after a confrontation – I really hate confrontations, and unless there’s full closure, it can simmer in me for a while. Is that something to work on? Sure. Am I working on it? Yes.
I have/had this problem, too. No matter what, you will NEVER get everyone to like you. You can be the nicest person in the world and you will piss someone off. And often they will be pissed for completely stupid reasons.
In the end, the only person whose behavior you can truly control is your own.
That’s just how the little beggars are, sometimes. They seem to find the slight vibration that goes with movement soothing, and taking that away is kind of like ripping the pacifier out of their mouths. The first trip out with the littler niece was like that. Outbound, Stinkbug was fine. Inbound, she was fine as long as the car was moving. But if we were stopped for more than about 10 seconds…crying. If you make the mistake of trying to hit a drive-through for some coffee…OMG, SHRIEKING. The sort that makes the muscle that runs up the top of your shoulder onto your neck contract involuntarily. And you would not believe how badly that can echo in the enclosed space of a car.