Florida substitute teacher fired, accused of "wizardry"


When pitchforks and torches are not enough…

Apparently this wizard didn’t have any other pressing uses for his magick such as having a stack of $1,000,000 in large bills fall on his head or conjuring the body of a willing hollywood superstar, instead preferring to bide his time with the status quo of the world, waiting for the chance to corrupt fallible, fresh-meat minds with the Satanic Cambrium Transposition Encantation and reveling in the squealing pleasure the corruption of such innocent virginals entails.

He’s a witch! BURN HIM!

He turned me into a NEWT Gingrich.

Can’t help but think of this as something from the onion rather than real life.
Area Man Weighs Same as Duck

was the best onion style headline I could manage.

On a more serious note, how does shit like this not get laughed out of the school board meetings?

With the publicity this is gonna get him, I have a hunch he’s gonna be ok.

No…wait…a premonition!

cue spoooooky music

Is it just me or is it every news article out of Florida just batshit nutzo?

Came for the Monty Python quotes and was not disappointed.

I have to say that the best thing about the guy who locked his daughter in the basement and fathered children on her was that it didn’t happen in Florida. It didn’t even happen in the U.S.

Maybe every news article out of Florida reads like a Carl Hiaasen novel, but at least they don’t have a complete lock on crazy.

Anyone else here remember Adam Carolla’s old “Florida or Germany” schtick? Seems like we have a natural lead-in over here.

This is one of those little things I hate to see in a lede:

This makes it sound like the job did the magic trick instead of the teacher. :smack:

I agree. When I have read any of Carl Hiaasen’s books it is like it is ripped from the headlines kinda crazy.

Austria seems to have a lock on crazy for Europe so far though.

He’ll be ok as long as he doesn’t accept the “Defense Against The Dark Arts” position at his next school.

It’s because we’re Florida, “America’s Wang”.

I was really hoping that every state in the US had made it out of the freaking dark ages, but I guess that’s too much.

Yeah, when I saw this story’s headline on FARK, I was sure it had something to do with Nigeria or some other African country, and that it had to do with penis shrinking.

Then I saw the “Florida” tag and was surprisingly dismayed.

Ok, but how hard is it to get your way with people who think that you’re an actual fucking wizard? You know, “Give me my job back and a million dollar a year raise or I’ll turn you into a donkey.”


Above is quoted from a longer St Pete Times article. Pasco county used to be the rural area north of Tampa and Clearwater. It’s become a commuter haven for people who don’t want to or can’t afford to live farther south. Land O’Lakes used to be fairly rural, but I think it’s become a lot more of a suburban area lately. Don’t doubt that there are some evangelical (or similar) Christians there that might be freaked out by magic, but there’s just as good a chance this guy was a goof and is using the magic thing as a red herring.


[sub]someone had to.[/sub]

Attention all Florida Dopers: when I become God-Empress of Earth, Florida will be cancelled immediately. I will return it to the alligators and giant snakes, and it will be considered a no-man’s-land forevermore. So when you see me begin my ascent to godhood, it’s time to make alternate living arrangements. I know it seems extreme, but it’s really for the best.

Just had to pop back in to share this.

Note:* If I get banned for sock-puppetry, it will totally be in keeping with the spirit of this tread.