I re-read the first link, AKA the HPV Revelation. Rik, have you noticed a surprising correlation between the woman who you were with in the homeless shelter and your current lady? The same volatility, the same forceful personality, your same reaction to both of them? “You should ask me out.” “Ok.” “We should get married immediately.” “Ok.”
I think if you dig a little further, you’ll find a psychological pathology on her part. Add in your own untreated issues, and I think you’re doing each other a serious disservice.
I started reading the OP thinking you had a really serious problem and in fact I didn’t laugh at all until, "Guess who was the first person in my church (aside from the pastor and his wife) to reach out to me and my fiancé.’
Anyway it turned out not so bad. If we trim all the extraneous detail from your story it is just this: you have a drinking problem and a fiancee with a drinking problem. She is angry with you. Not that many variables that you can change really.
Just do enough so that in 12 months, “I have a drinking problem and a fiancee with a drinking problem. She is angry with me,” won’t be an accurate reflection of your life.
“I have a drinking problem and a wife with a drinking problem. She is angry with me,” won’t really be an improvement
Also note in the OP that the fiance “got a bunch of bad news from her family the day before our wedding, and ended up getting drunk to deal with it.” This is my old girlfriend to a T. In this instance, the fiance didn’t just get bad news but got it the day before the wedding. Perfect timing for maximum dramatic effect. If my old girlfriend and I had something major planned, more often than not there would be some sort of huge-ass crisis just hours beforehand. I mean almost without fail.
I generally don’t involve myself with relationship threads, but the fiance in the OP sounds scarily like my old girlfriend, whose claws I managed to remove only by moving to Hawaii, which was too far and too expensive for her to afford to follow me. If I’d stayed on the mainland, I would no doubt have had to get a court order to keep her away.
Maybe she was already upset because in her intoxicated state, she thought she caught our intrepid hero making surreptitious goo goo eyes at his (newly-single) Lolita. Pure paranoia, of course.