So now I have a completely appropriate girlfriend

So I’m posting this for the benefit of those who have mocked me in other threads.

Not that your mockery was unwarranted. It was totally warranted, and was exactly what I needed. Thank you. I no longer obsess over that 17-years-my junior lady from my church, and I got over that stupid crush on my way-too-young-for-me first cousin.

I’m 49 years old, and will turn 50 in May, and I’m now “dating” a 48-year-old woman.

Totally unexpected. I wasn’t looking, and she wasn’t looking, but here we are.

What happened?

I live in a pre-WW2 apartment building (I don’t actually know when this place was built, but there is a genuine icebox in my kitchen). I’ve lived here for four years now. On Christmas Eve, I happened to notice a “patch” on my kitchen wall that I had somehow never noticed before. It looked, size-wise, like it must have been a vent between my apartment and the next apartment, from back in the days when these apartments shared a heat source in the winter (a furnace in the basement).

So I reached down and knocked on that patch. And somebody knocked back from the other side.

And then I heard a woman’s voice say, through the wall, “Come over here!”

So I went over there.

We spent Christmas Eve and Christmas together, and every day since. I have never hit it off with a woman so quickly. So quickly that we’re already talking about marriage. She has, over the last couple decades, been with a string of abusive men (the last one took a freaking golf club to her) and she says that I am the first genuine “nice guy” she has ever met.

It gets even better: She lived for several years in the same little podunk town where my mom grew up, and both of her children graduated from the same high school as my parents. (Her kids are 28 and 29 years old.)

I am so in love.

That 17-years-my-junior woman is going to be our wedding planner (that’s what she does, aside from her tailoring stuff); in fact, she came up to me at church on Sunday morning (after having spoken with my girlfriend/fiance) to ask, “Have you told anybody else yet?” and when I answered in the negative she promised to keep it to herself.

As it stands, Michaelle and I may get legally married before our “official” ceremony. Like she pointed out to me, "Why are we paying more than $1300/month for two apartments? (Given that I am a musician at my church, and have been for 20 years, I cannot move in with a woman to whom I’m not married.)+

Another thing about my age and having never married or fathered children … my parents nagging me about grandchildren. When I marry Michaelle, I will turn my parents into instant GREATgrandparents (their current grandchildren are 17 and 14, my nieces). But, sorry, Dad, not gonna father any boys to carry on the family name. My girl has had a hysterectomy. You’re gonna have to be satisfied with her kids. And you should be - her son is a cop, just like you were.

That all sounds wonderful. I wish you every happiness.

What a world
What a life
I’m in love!

Great meet-cute story!

All the best to you two!

Our song

or my song to her

You met Christmas Eve and are already talking love and marriage?

I’m happy for you, that you found someone but that’s a pretty hasty timeline, in my opinion.

Big red flag!

Since she’s not pregnant, and had bad relationships before, i can’t see what the big rush is. You pined after the last woman for years, after all! Surely you could wait six months?

Having been in several bad relationships before, why isn’t the hastiness setting off alarm bells for her too? She may not have been the abuser in those relationships, but it doesn’t mean she didn’t contribute to the dynamic, possibly substantially. It isn’t always that women seek/find abusive relationships. Sometimes they generate them, due to what was modelled for them as children. They don’t know how to create any other kind of relationship, is all!

Again, happy for you…but…please proceed with caution!

The knocking-on-a-vent thing is an adorable story.

I’m happy for you. Just try not to take things too fast.

I’m tired of being alone.

That seems a very esoteric rule.

Congratulations! They always say that it so often happens when you least expect it.

(I’ve never expected it. And subsequently, it’s never happened. So it’s not a hard-and-fast rule.)

Somehow “Knock Three Times” by Tony Orlando and Dawn seems like a totally appropriate song for the occasion. :slight_smile:


May your marriage be at least as happy as that of my great-uncle who at the age of 55 married a 56yo woman he’d met three months before, and they stayed together (and giving a collective double middle finger to all the naysayers) for over 40 years.

She sounds great. Far better than appropriate. You should think of a better adjective to use in your wedding vows :slight_smile:

But you can take it a little slower, if you wish.
You don’t have to get married right now…
As much as you’re in love, it still seems a little too rushed.

Why not keep both of those adjacent apartments for the next six months or so… and just quietly decide that you’re gonna be spending a LOT of time over in hers.

You work crazy hours, as I recall. Sharing your lives together is going to take some serious adjusting.

Good Luck, and we are all happy for you. But don’t rush too fast.
Fun idea: break a little hole in that patch in the wall where you first “met”. Then both of you reach through it, and exchange engagement rings. :slight_smile:
(*Yeah, it’s silly, but hey, this is a Hollywood story anyway, right?)

Christians (and, I suspect, followers of many other religions) frown on cohabitation outside of marriage. Given that I’m one of the “up in front” people in my church (and have been for 20 years), I’m expected to be something of an “example”. Cohabitation is one of those unfortunately difficult things to hide in the long-term.

Eh, I think the story is marvelous, a great “meet cute” story, and I wish you both the best! I won’t put the kibosh on it - if it’s not meant to be, that will come clear soon enough. In the meantime, enjoy the sweet.

Great story, Mister Rik; I hope y’all have as long and happy a time together as y’all want.

If you replace that patch with a hole about 3 foot square that should solve most of this problem.

Heck, that might be why there is a patch there in first place.

You’ve both been reincarnated and you both were former soul mates who could not express their love in public, but lived next to each other.

That’s how it’s working so far. In any case, I’m stuck in a lease until May or June. I did joke about knocking a hole in the wall to turn our small apartments into one big one :stuck_out_tongue:

Rik, as one who has followed your ‘adventures’ since I’ve re-discovered this board, I wish you and your love all the best.

But…(you KNEW there was a but coming, didn’t ya?)

I think it would be wise for both of you to sit down and discuss finances before tying the knot. You’ve never disguised from us that your financial state had been…wobbly…at times and I have no idea how your lady’s is. And one of the big arguments in any relationship is financial.

So sit down and discuss it like the two mature adults you are, so that there are no surprises waiting after the I Do’s.

And if all is well…then go for it!!

Or a six-inch round hole.