Focusing on discriminating against those who defecate in public

A series of threads on the SDMB have recently whined about the misery of having to comply with anti-discrimination laws or black people being insulted at insults aimed against them, etc. etc.

Well, why don’t we just drop trou and crap in public places? It seems to me that defecation is a human right. After all, if we don’t crap, we will get constipated and die. Why should any of the public care if I just step off the curb, drop my pants, stoop and strain on a public street? Doctors, lawyers, teachers, green grocers, etc. Why must we be arrested and socially ridiculed? If you don’t like it, just avert your eyes.

Now I think that this merits a serious discussion and harnessing of all SDMB brain power. Even though we went over this when we were 2 years old, let’s stop everything, pretend that I am serious (and I am, the only reason this isn’t in Great Debates is because it is a satire of some posts there), go back to square one and explain that people are interrelated, that we have laws to protect us against some things, social codes for others (farting in church and elevators and elevators in church).

Now, I’m going to pretend that I am not a provocatuer, or a racist, or just some xeno-phobic fascist hiding behind a coy socratic facade. Justify your totalitarian pooping paranoia or leave me a roll of toilet paper curbside.

Defecation is a human right; depositing turds everywhere isn’t; in leaving steaming piles of excrement in public places, you are infringing on the rights of others. Suitable places are already provided for you to download your logs in comfort and safety. (not just your comfort and safety; there’s a public health implication).

It’s not that your fragrant anal offering offends my delicate sensibilities, it’s that it is a hazard to my health (and shoes). I object to it on the same grounds as I would if your were recklessly waving a sharp knife in a crowded public space.

Where exactly are we going with this thread again?

Well I know exactly where I’m throwing it…


You ran out of Immodium again, didn’t you?

To put it in highly simplified terms: Just as public defecation (or should we be spelling it difecation in deference to a certain Senor OP) infringes on the rights of others, so do discrimination and racism. The “I’m not saying I do it, but why can’t I discriminate in my own business, because it’s mine” argument is much like the “Why can’t I crap in public” because both ignore the effects the actions have on others and society, in favor for a blind elevation of individual rights.

Now excuse me while I piss outside.

Ah, in that case, I agree, one’s actions toward other people afffect those other people and should be carried out with consideration; hard to grasp, isn’t it?

I realise it’s disgustingly faecist of me but I just don’t like the smell.

Well, this isn’t stirring up the impassioned debate I had hoped. Let’s get with the program! First of all, let’s simplify the world and imagine that I have rights that when I exercise them, don’t bump up against the rights of others. Now let’s imagine that I want to, ahem, exercise those rights in a very self-centered way (gosh this potty training analogy (tee hee, I said anal log y) is going much better than I could have hoped) regardless of laws or custom, etc. Like Michael says, I’ve run out of metaphorical Immodium and I’m damn happy about it. Or rather, I’ve read way to much Ayn Rand, and I’m busy wondering about why I can wonder about (repeat necessary) why I can’t crap everywhere all the time and not annoy people, much less sound, look and smell like some sort of CATO Institute (happy 25 guys) genuis for forcing this new idea on the world. If its really such a bad idea, won’t the marketplace of ideas shun me and leave me out in the cold? Why arrest me or detest me? After all, crap doesn’t kill people, crappy people kill people.

If we can just boil down our social policy thoughts into slogans (see below if I don’t forget) or simple columns or even book form manifestos, we can ignore their application to the real world, and get on with the business of creative accounting to steal the life savings of mom and pop a la Enron and Arthur Anderson. To bring the loose association full circle, if you adopt my crappy logic about pooping because you have become so used to (and in fact demand) one-sided propaganda that you can’t think for yourself anymore.

Aforementioned slogans, suitable for bumper stickers:
Crap doesn’t kill people, crappers kill people
As much crappy justice as you can afford
Darwin is crapist
Sore Crapperman
Bush/Cheney, coming in number 2
Crap on Bin Laden
Faux News, we crap, you believe
O’Reilly Factor, the all crap zone
Jane Fonda shouldn’t be allowed to crap

I’m thinking this would be a decent name for a really shitty hardcore band.

Here’s a thread I can get behind.

(Wait for laughter and applause to die down.)

If you are really interested in this thread, we could change it from defecation (I would much prefer if we could use the correct and clinical term, which is “giving birth to a manager”) to urination.

I thought from various “Golden Shower” threads that urine was sterile. Thus, if public sanitation and health issues drop away, how can we justify our prejudice against men writing their names on public walls? Is it just a sexist issue, because some are pointers and some are setters, and the setters don’t want us to have any fun?

Why can I simply weewee at will? My son got away with it for years, although he is much cuter than I am, but women found it, if anything, somewhat endearing. When they hug me, and I anoint them as does a wolf his territory, they get annoyed. Why is that?

Come to think of it, I need reparations against everyone who pushed toilet training on me against my will.

Public urinators of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but your Depends. And you have a world to gain as your urinal.


Keep your hands off of my crap

If they outlaw public crapping, only outlaws will crap

Friends Don’t let Friends Crap Inside

Question Inside Crappers

Envision Whirled Crap