I haven’t picked up Mad magazine since the Carter administration, but I still remember and get a chuckle out of some of the lines in their movie satires:
Star Wars:
Luke, to C3PO (Creepio) when they first meet: “Hey, has anyone ever told you you look like an Oscar?”
Creepio: “Well, take a good look, kid, because after your performance in this movie, this is as close as you are ever going to get”
Obi Wan, to Stormtrooper:“These aren’t the droids you’re looking for”.
Stormtrooper:“These aren’t the droids we’re looking for”
Obi Wan:“He can go about his business”
Stormtrooper:“You can go about your business”
Luke:“That’s incredible, Ben! How did you do that?”
Obi Wan:“The Force gives you power over weak minds”
Luke:“The Force gives me power over weak minds”
Obi Wan:“Keep driving”
Luke:" Keep driving"
Commander to Sentry, on Death Star:“Anything to report?”
Sentry:“Just two guys, a couple of robots, a 97 year old man, and a seven foot ape”
Commander:“OK, but if you see anything UNUSUAL let us know!”
I remember they did a musical parody of “Star Wars” in the early 80s. I wish I could remember anything from it cause the songs really worked well and I sang the whole think out loud quite a few times. Sadly the only thing I can recall is
“Do you need a Han?”
“No thank you, I’ll do it Solo.”
One of my favourites, and funnily enough it’s also Star Wars; Return of the Jedi in this case.
Darth Vader visits the (not yet complete) Death Star, and the commander is giving him an update on the construction.
Commander: We’ve been working 14 hours a day, but the Death Star is not yet operational
Vader: Well, double your efforts.
Commander: You mean, work 28 hour days?
Vader: I’m a sadist, not a mathematician.
In the spoof of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (“One Cuckoo Flew Over the Rest”):
(After Watching Chief Bromden escape, having tossed the water thing through the window)“Hey, what are we getting excited about? The Chief was here voluntarily!” (Something that always did bother me about the story)
From 201 Minutes of Space Idiocy:
–What’s for supper?
–A Glass of Potatoes, a Glass of Steak, a Glass of Pie, and a Glass of Ice Cream.
– Nothing to Drink?
– Yeah, a Piece of Coffee
…
—That Old Man in the Room! He’s me! And he reveals something I never knew – that one day, I’d acrually like creamed cauliflower!
From ** A Voyage to See What’s on the Bottom**:
–Look! The SeaPew is being eaten by a monstrous purple jellyfish!
– Purple? Evidently a grape jellyfish!
–That was the most Horrible thing I’ve seen in my life!
–Evidently you missed Kim Novak in Moll Flanders
From Moroned
–I can see the Soviet astronaut coming over to our ship, but there’s nothing in his hands!
–He must be bringing you Air!
I remembered one from the spoof of Ralph Bashki’s Lord of the Rings:
Sam, to Frodo, as Shelob attacks:“Oh, no! We’re being attacked by a giant spider! What are we going to do?!”
Frodo (who has put on the Ring and disappeared):“Whaddya mean “we”, Sam?”
Their pardoy of “A Clockwork Orange” features one of the most hilarious lines ever… but it won’t make sense out of context, and there’s no way to explain the context without killing the joke. But for those who’ve seen it, remember the line…
“This is better than karate!”
In the “Marathon Man” parody…
Olivier: Is it safe?
Hoffman: Is WHAT safe?
Olivier: If I knew, would I be asking a 36 year old schmuck who’s still in college?
Sorry I can’t remember the details (names, title…) but a line from Indiana Jones always stuck out. It is when Dr. Jones is about to climb down in the snake-filled room in Egypt.
“Can I give you a Han?”
“No, I think I’ll do it Solo.”
Cracked me up when I was 12, stuck with me ever since. Speaking of Cracked, is that still around? 'Round these parts it was the combination of Mad and Cracked (mind you we always knew that Cracked lived in Mad’s shadow, but it was still required reading) that we looked forward to every month. Was it a regional thing, a short-lived thing, what?
I vividly remember a line from a Star Trek parody too. Kirk and Spock had returned to 20th century Earth (like so many episodes), and I suppose the gag for this edition was that they’d landed in a 1970s ghetto. Regarding Kirk, one of the hoods shouts, “kill the mother!” and Spock muses, “I was unaware the Captain had ever borne children.” Cracks me up to this day.
I remember Cracked, but vaguely. It seems like Mad was a lot better.
Hell, just the name “Chubby the Fatt” from the parody of Return of the Jedi cracked me up for about half an hour…“He can’t see you now, he’s eating.” “Oh. When will he be done eating?” “Around June!”
Anyone remember their “The Shining” parody? I think it was “The Shiner” (I think).
Anyway, Wendy is swinging away at Jack with the baseball bat and keeps missing. She says: “Great. Of all the bats in the world, I get stuck with a Marv Throneberry model”
Some years later, I found out who Marv Throneberry was (career .237 hitter, symbol of the hapless '62 Mets) and that joke came rushing back.
Then at the end after Jack has frozen in the maze Danny asks his mother how they are going to make it with Jack no longer supporting them:
Wendy: “It will be hard. You’ll have to sell newspapers before and after school. I may have to sell my body”
Danny: “Gee, I’ll feel funny making more money than you do”
