I read a lot of Miss Manners’ books. Sometimes, she is spot on, and politeness and consideration is mannerly.
But in the matter of food, I disagree.
She claims its rude and offensive to eat the unproper way.
The proper way being, one cuts one piece of food with knife in right hand, fork in left, then eat with the fork.
I was never taught much manners by my parents, quite poor and second generation Europeans. Things like, don’t put your elbows on the table, and no talking while eating, yes.
I always eat by cutting up my entire food item all at once before eating it.
Also, I find it too time intensive to swirl my spaghetti, so cut it thoroughly before eating.
Is that that offensive? I never notice how anyone I am with eats.
Is Miss Manners right, do you eat the ‘proper’ way?
Or is she too stuffy?
I think cutting everything on your plate at once gives a childish impression (it also cools off the food quicker). Personally I cut a line of steak (for example), eat it, then cut the next line. I switch fork from left to right to go back to eating (as do everyone I know). I’m not sure I am completely on board with Miss Manners on the food etiquette - she also says you should eat buttered bread one bite at a time (break off a piece, butter it, eat, repeat), but no one I’ve ever met does that.
I don’t notice how others eat until they do something that seems odd to me (like cutting their entire steak before eating).
Other food manners - no chomping away with your mouth hanging open (corollary - no smacking/slurping). I would end relationships over those.
Apparently I eat the way miss manners says, don’t know why, I was certainly never one to even pretend I had manners. I would never switch back and forth with my fork, too inefficient. And cutting your food all at once does cool it quicker, so that’s out.
The hand switching thing is just an American thing. It’s perfectly proper to not switch hands, it just isn’t what most Americans were taught. Rude is using your fork like a bulldozer, eating non-finger food with your fingers, etc. And all food manners are location-sensitive - in many places, you’d eat with your hands, or slurp your noodles, or whatever, as a matter of politeness.
I adore Miss Manners, but there are times when I don’t live up to her ideals.
I tend to keep my knife in my right hand and my fork in my left and eat without switching. It feels more graceful to me. Obviously, mileage varies.
There are times when I will cut up my food all at once, but that’s usually when I’m by myself, reading a book, and I want to keep a hand free to turn pages.
Other rules I can’t quite keep up with:
-
when getting the last few spoonfuls of soup, move the spoon away from you, and if necessary, tilt the bowl back by a centimeter. I always bring the spoon towards me.
-
when soup is too hot to eat, cool it by stirring. I always end up blowing on each spoonful, which is gauche, but then, I’m usually too hungry to wait.
I am also struck by her claim no one should use a tablespoon for eating anything but tea or dessert.
Maybe my parents never knew how to set a table, but, is it really that important?
They’re certainly the rules I was taught.
Can anyone explain the no-elbows-on-table rule to me? I’ve never understood that one.
Not to say I can’t eat that way, just that I don’t see the sense of it.
I’m a lefty, so I’m reversed, but yeah, one or two bites at most cut at a time. It seems I do switch hands. Napkin in lap. Mouth closed, no elbows on the table. Say Please and Thank You.
My 3 year old daughter who is in a special program because she is speech delayed was declared the most polite child in her class when they went trick or treating. She said thank you after every piece of candy given to her. Not to mention, she has the sweetest thank you you’ve ever heard.
Yes, she is already learning table manners. She’s learning how to use a knife (big supervision, don’t worry) She is getting better at keeping her mouth closed. Now if we could just stop her from dropping toys in Daddy’s drink, or grabbing it and pouring it out…She also takes her plate to the kitchen when she is done.
I think table manners are woefully under taught. Perhaps it need not be as strict as Miss Manners, but she is a darn good guide. God knows, I can NOT sit across from my Sister-In-Law at the table.
I feel bad that my mother didn’t teach me as much as she could. I’ve never been sloppy or rude though.
Tell us about the sister in law!
I wouldn’t be caught dead cutting up all my food at once - because I was raised to abhor the practice. I suppose it is childish looking.
Two exceptions, though: pancakes and waffles. You’ve got to cut your stacks so the syrup will get optimal coverage.
I also enjoy cutting my biscuits and rolls in half with my butter knife, which is a no-no. Ripping them is correct, but seems more barbarous.
whimpers But if I can’t cut my biscuit, it comes out all uneven, with one skinny “half” and one lumpy “half”, and then my gravy ratio is all messed up!
I wonder if the tearing bread instead of cutting it thing goes back to the “breaking bread” idea of bread symbolizing hospitality and peaceful intentions. You wouldn’t want to bring a *knife *around the representation of your unity, would you? Total WAG, I don’t know if it’s true or not, but it seems like there must be some archaic reason why snooty etiquette demands extra crumbs all over the table.
In my mind, in the manners distinction between “sensible rules to smooth relations between people living in a society together” and “finicky nitpicking crap from people who ought to get over it and stop obsessing about other folks’ habits” I’d put caring about what order people choose to eat their food in or what hand they hold their implements in firmly in the latter category. If you want to cut up all your food before eating it go right ahead - it’s your food - it doesn’t affect me if it gets all cold and manky before you get the chance to eat it ;). It’s not like, say, eating with your mouth open (which certainly does affect me if I happen to be sitting across the table from you)
Even the elbows on tables thing is sensible enough in its way - if you have limited space then it prevents you from elbowing your neighbor in the ribs, and I suspect the rule was codified when it was more common to have limited space at the dinner table. But what hand you hold your fork in? Which direction you tilt your bowl to get the last of the soup? Personal choice all the way.
My husband and his siblings were raised in a very affluent part of town, their father is a doctor. House on Tampa Bay, BMW’s, the works.
His two younger sisters have the most horrid table manners. The older one, is 30, the younger 28. The younger does have learning disabilities, but she is not by any means unteachable.
Neither one can cut up their meat, one, at all, the other, looks like she’s been given an knife and fork for the first time in her life. It is the most awkward, screwed up thing. They both chew with their mouths open. ALL THE TIME. And the smacking…oh god, the smacking. The younger won’t eat anything other than cheese pizza or chicken fingers. They get up from the table and leave everything behind to go flop in front of the TV.
So there you are, eating and across from you is someone sliding their knife and fork across their plate because in 30 years, hasn’t figured it out, when the food does get to the mouth, the talking continues and the smacking ensues. That is unless the younger throws a fit because anyone dare eat anything other than cheese pizza, or imagines an slight because Mommy didn’t anticipate her every fucking need. Or the Older starts bitching at the younger, so much that the younger screams out and storms off from the table.
I don’t know about the horror in Apocalypse Now, but I’ll trade it any day from sitting directly across from either of them.
I have always held my fork in my right hand and knife in my left. No idea why I do it this way–I don’t think my parents do. It seems so backwards to do it the opposite way.
I truly don’t care what you do as long as you don’t scrape your plate. Honestly, pick it up and lick it. Just don’t make scrapey noises.
Most of the more piddly-sounding Miss Manners food-related stuff is about not looking greedy. Basically, anything that conveys any impression that you’re trying to shovel the food into your mouth faster is a Bad Thing. (At home, when you’re half starved, shovel away. But in a social dining situation the idea is to seem unhurried, as though you’re having a delightful interaction with or without the food.) Spooning away from yourself, tilting the bowl backward instead of forward, buttering one bite of bread at a time, cutting the bites of meat as you need them, it all gives a much more leisurely impression, even if you’re doing these things at warp speed.
I thought of another table manners thing that really bugs me (a slow eater) - people clearing the table and serving dessert while I’m still sitting there, gamely trying to eat my dinner as fast as I can. I’ve left the table hungry because of this. I think Miss Manners would definitely have something to say about that, because it truly does make me feel like I’m not as important as the other diners who happen to be able to chew and swallow faster than I can.
I think it’s a “horses for courses” kind of thing. For most western style meals I use the usual fork in left hand, knife in right hand , never swap over method. For Asian food eaten with chopsticks I use chopsticks (the food is already in bite size portions). For Indian food I use the naan to pick it up like my friend’s Indian wife showed me years ago. But I never pay any attention to what anyone else is doing.
That is phenomenally rude.