Eleanor, could you imagine calling off a relationship with a person who didn’t enjoy sex? What about calling off a relationship with a person who thought fictional narratives were pointless and refused to attend plays or movies or read books?
That’s kind of what it sounds like to me when someone considers food an inconvenience. I mean, more power to them–but food is very important to me, and cooking for someone is a way I can show them that I love them and care for them, and if a person wouldn’t understand that on a visceral level, it’d make it very difficult for me to connect with them in a manner sufficiently intimate to support a relationship.
Miller, you’re being almost as crazy about this as Dio. Calm down, man!
Let me get this straight … because someone may not have the same diverse tastes or tolerances for other food as you, they’re basically childish and immature? If we’re not foodies gleeing with delight at the thought of a balsalmic vinegar tasting, the opening of a Senegalese/Hunan fusion restaurant, or the arrival of fresh durian at Whole Foods, then we must be living on a diet of Happy Meals, mac and cheese and chicken fingers? I do hope your view of the world isn’t really so black and white.
So you commend the host’s spiteful behavior? “Screw that picky eater … I’m getting a loaded pizza for 'em!” (FWIW, this member of the Buffalonian diaspora will never turn down a good chicken wing.)
I do have mild allergies to some foods; some are less severe than when I was a kid, but they’re still there. However, I’ll admit that there have been times I’ve said I was allergic to something, and I really wasn’t, so I WOULD BE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE. Again, I don’t want to draw attention to my eating habits It’s others that do so, and it’s very frustrating from this end. It’s probably the same level of frustration you experience when you prepare pickled oryx pancreas for a valued guest who not only cannot appreciate it like you, but also makes a scene. You don’t like scenes from picky eaters. Neither do we, which is why so many of us are so frustrated with being harangued about what’s not on our plate.
You asked …
Yes. Read the experience of other pickies. It happens ALL THE TIME. The majority of the time, I encounter this at conferences or meeting with catered food that you have no control over. I don’t make a big deal about what’s being put in front of me; it’s the others at my table, often strangers, that are making a big spectacle about why I’m not eating the deviled egg sandwich. That’s why I avoid such luncheons now, at all costs; I don’t want to draw attention to myself. However, in the eyes of some, it’s precisely this quiet avoidance behavior that makes pickies “whiney attention whores” or “passive-aggressive” or whatever. As some posters have implied, it’s perfectly okay for some foodies to criticize a pickie’s plate, but not okay for the pickies to feel frustration in such situations. Go figure.
Because I can usually find many items on the menus of most restaurants that I can eat, while still being able to enjoy their company. They’re often the ones making the big deal about the fact that I can’t eat EVERYTHING on the friggin’ menu. If they’re new friends, they understand that I find that behavior frustrating and offensive, and eventually leave me alone. They value my friendship, and my “high maintenance” (sheesh!) eating habits are a small price to pay.
I tolerate the quirks of my friends, too. Why? Because it’s worth it. I like indie films. If I have a friend that doesn’t like them, we don’t go to indie films. I’m a klutz. If I have a friend that is an active participant in local league sports, so be it. I don’t have to be there shooting hoops by his or her side.
Because I like having a diverse circle of friends. They’re people I click with well. Some may be athletic while my large motor skills are a mess, some may be neoconservative Republicans while I’m a liberal Democrat, some may be passionate about hunting even though I don’t own a gun. Being my clone isn’t a prerequisite for being my friend; we just have to share some common ground and “click,” whether male or female.
Here is my anecdote to explain my apprehension when someone claims to be a picky eater.
A couple years ago my mother and I lived in houses next door to each other. SInce we both cook too much food, we decided to trade off dinner cooking several nights a week to cut down on costs. Sounded like a great idea until we tried to make a menu and had to take into account her SO’s food issues.
Me: How about spaghetti?
Mom: As long as there are no chunks of food of any kind in it.
Me: Lemon chicken?
Mom: Make sure to leave out the mushrooms.
Me: Macaroni goulash?
Mom: Too many different kinds of food mixed together.
Me: Enchiladas?
Mom: She won’t eat the sauce you cook them in.
Obviously this set up only lasted for about a month and I got tired of eating the same food week in and week out. Heaven forbid we tried to make something we liked and let her fend for herself for one night. It was the biggest insult. I believe this is what we foodies mean when we think of Picky Eaters. And, this would be enough to keep me out of a relationship with someone.
And he is the only one of how many self proclaimed picky eaters? The only one.
If eating were that awful, G-tubes(where you are fed via a stomach tube) would be as popular as breast implants.
Most “picky eaters” are saying here that they don’t like to be judged or badgered about their choices. I see no reason to not respect that. Appetite and eating is a very personal thing-one that should not be held to ridicule solely because a taste is not shared.
Picky eaters are not off the hook, though–they must refrain from calling attention to said aversion and basically being a PIA.
As to folks who insist on getting their way re: restaurant choice b/c of their “issues”–that is just plain rude. I have never had that experience.
I do have a SIL who will not eat sugar (no, she is not diabetic) and is righteous as hell about it. Yes, she’s a PIA --and not just for the sugar issue. My MIL, as well as keeping track of how many effing bites one takes of stuff, likes to announce the calorie count and fat content of each item on offer. I hate eating with them and have been known to work extra shifts so that I cannot attend a family function b/c they are such jerks.
There are lots of ways to be rude about food. Just because one enjoys “gourmet” tastes doesn’t mean one can’t be rude about that taste. Both sides are guilty of bad behavior. I think the reason this thread has gotten this big is that neither side wants to admit that each has a valid complaint. But that is all each side has–neither has the high ground here.
jayjay I think you may be on to something with the family meal thingy. I don’t want this to digress into the crumbling of the American family, but with so many people going in so many different directions, it can be hard to instill an appreciation of dining. Even then, though, I don’t see the need for making a meal the be all and end all focus. Isn’t it supposed to be the company that you’re with–and their enjoyment of the food and the occasion? Or is it an act of vanity–“see, I make the best X ever, no?” I want no part of that
I’m sorry I wasn’t more clear, but I was referring exclusively to those who were spewing vitriol at the “picky eaters”. It’s a sore subject for me, because I am one of those picky eaters - I detest seafood, yes, ALL seafood and many other things I will not eat. If my brush was too broad, then I apologize to those I’ve inadvertently offended.
To the rest of you, to the real assholes, fuck you. Fuck you up the ass with a putrid sea cucumber. And you can eat it afterwards for all I care; just don’t belittle me if I politely decline, thankyouverymuch. As long as nobody is being an ass about their food aversions, it’s NONE of your fucking concern. Get off your goddamn high horses already.
Well, we all have our standards. What if said SO was totally hot in bed–did everything you dreamed of, and more? But blenched at the thought of balsamic vinagar? Buh-bye to SO, eh?
OK–it’s your choice.
In no way do I equate food preferences with sexual compatiblity.
Hey, I don’t like pickles. If we are out and the sandwich comes with a pickle–my husband, who loves them, gets it. He loves it. I even let pickles in the house–it’s true! Just don’t ask me to eat one. All our kids eat and like pickles–go figure, there I go again, pushing my agenda on others…what a childish pussy I am.
Exactly! My standards involve food; yours don’t. Variety is the spice (or, if you prefer, the velveeta) of life, right?
Not what I said, and I think that you and others are talking past each other because exaggerations are soooo much more fun than addressing actual people.
If said SO was totally hot in bed, but didn’t like basalmic vinegar, that’s fine. But if she refuses to eat cheesecake because it’s too weird, subsists on a diet of cheeze nips and diet Coke and won’t ever go out to a new restaurant with me, tells me not to bake bread for her or make her Crepes Suzette, won’t touch my garlic noodles, thinks that anyone who eats tofu is a weirdo, boycotts homemade pizza, etc.–if, as I said, she regards food as an inconvenience–then yes, buh-bye. In that case, she wouldn’t be everything I dreamed of and more.
And that’s fine for you. I do. That means we’re probably not sexually compatible, which is also fine: there’s really only one person on earth that I need to be compatible with, and we’re married.
Don’t roll your eyes at me, missy! I didn’t call you a childish pussy, and I resent the implication that I did. I’m thrilled that you and your husband work well together; there’s a pretty good chance that I’m not compatible with your husband either, but guess what? That doesn’t matter!
Saying that I couldn’t be in a romantic relationship with someone who doesn’t like food isn’t casting aspersions on such people, and unless you’ve got a big old crush on me, I can’t imagine why you’d care about my romantic standards.
Look, my wife and I eat together a lot more than we have sex. And we have sex a lot. I
f we didn’t match up pretty closely on either, we would not be together, because these issues matter to us. If they don’t matter to either you or your SO, more power to you. But to say that it’s not an important place to find common ground on is just wrong.
It’s the same concept as a person with a high sex drive marrying a person with no discernible sex drive. Would that work over the long haul, no matter how much you ‘love’ each other?
Again, I think we are at cross purposes. Daniel -sorry, I was not accusing you of calling me a childish pussy, I was responding to the general tone of the thread.
Stonebow --incompatilbilty is in the eye of the beholder. And accomodations can(and should) be made on both sides.
that has been my point for the past few pages. I got side-swiped with the idea that someone not sharing a food choice was likely to disqualify them as a potential partner–in fact, that still blows my mind.
I think that is not what you and Daniel are saying, though. Are you saying that you put an emphasis on food prep and enjoyment and because of that, you dont’ see getting involved* with someone who dismisses that?
If that is the case, then I see your point. I was picturing a scenario of say, third date or so and new SO says that s/he doesnt’ care for Thai and so there is no possiblity of date #4 for you…
Which is correct? the former or the latter?
I realize you’re married, that’s beside the point at present.
The former, definitely; and that’s what i think Stonebow was getting at, too. If I ran a Thai restaurant and built my life around Thai cuisine, maybe the latter would be a problem (just as, if I ran a football team, I’d probably want to date someone who knew an end zone from a quarterback [unlike my actual self, who doesn’t]); but that’s not the case.
I suspect that most people in this thread actually agree on appropriate behavior in most circumstances, and that people are just getting all extreme because that’s kind of fun/easy to do on the Internet sometimes.
When they have outrageously narrow tastes they’re childish. An American adult should be able to stomach something as ubiquitous as onions. They put onions on regular McDonald’s hamburgers. They’re not a challenge.
The girl I was commending was the picky eater. She’s the one who asked for the pizza, and I assume she dictated the toppings, since it was ordered just for her.
Look, you asked who said eating was an inconvenience. I gave you an example. It doesn’t matter that he’s the only one, because you only asked for one. Or rather, you didn’t say, “Give me ten examples of people in this thread saying eating was an inconvenience”. No, what you said was “who said eating was an inconvenience?”
Do you see the difference?
And, on preview, not to speak for Daniel or Stonebow, but if I had to guess, I’d say it’s the former. That’s how I’d feel; if someone didn’t (or wasn’t willing to try to) share my delight and enjoyment of the preparation and consumption of food, it would almost certainly be a deal-breaker. If she doesn’t like Thai…pff. There’s lots of other things to eat.
Q.E.D.: Apology accepted, and I’m sorry to be sensitive about this. It wasn’t clear, because you said that “foodie” = “complete fucking asshole”. Even at the time, I realized it was unlikely that that was what you meant. It still stung a little.
And I agree with Miller: Anybody that needs to have food (even if it’s spaghetti sauce) not have “chunks of food” in it (whatever the hell that means) is way too picky.
I feel compelled to point out that the idea that being “picky” means you only eat crap food like Velveeta is precisely the sort of exageration you’re complaining about in your second paragraph. I know you were being tongue-in-cheek, but that’s exactly the sort of condescending generalization that’s pissing off the self-described “picky” eaters in this thread. There are a limited number of types of food I like. I don’t like seafood. This doesn’t mean that I only eat McDonalds. Hell, my favorite restaurant right now is a neat little Afghani place in San Rafael. I love Indian cuisine. At both places, I order the beef or the chicken dishes, and avoid the lamb, because I like beef and chicken, and I don’t like lamb. There’s a world of difference between having a limited palate and having poor taste. But, apparently, me passing on a lamb dish is, according to Stonebow, “one of the rudest things [he] can think of.” pizzabrat would even want to hang out with me, because I don’t share in the Joy that is Lamb with him.
And I was replying that he is indeed the only one who considers food an inconvenience. Your reply to me seemed to imply that he was one among many, which is not the case.
Well. that is my point. I have mentioned the term “food preference” many times–there are so many choices that I couldn’t see how it could be a deal breaker.
I have my hackles up over the condescension plain in may posts here that since I don’t like a certain food, then I must subsist on Kraft mac and cheese and stale pretzels or whatever. Nothing could be further from the truth. I just finished some risotto for lunch, for example.
The hell they aren’t. I have to scrape every last onion off of a McDonald’s hamburger before I eat it. If I don’t, I’ll suffer hours of stomach-churning agony and my coworkers will suffer hours of inhaling my flatus. Telling me that it “should” be otherwise will accomplish zero.
