Not at all. Cooking and eating is something you have to live with every day, several times a day, for the rest of your life. To say that it should make no difference if you are totally incompatible with your partner/friends over this is just silly.
I mentioned this in the other thread on this subject- I think the hostility toward picky eaters is based on the fact that the exchange of food has been, in every culture that i can think of, been one of the cornerstones of human interaction. If you reject the food that i offer you for anything less than ‘it will kill you,’ then you are symbolically spurning me. And that’s just not nice. It’s a passive-aggressive rejection, and then you get mad when I take offense at it. And even if I’m not personally preparing the food, the idea of making a food sharing a difficult experience rubs me the wrong way.
I think that’s my issue with it. Health issues excluded, rejecting an offer of food is one of the rudest things I can think of, and while Dio’s been a bit vehement about it, I do think it’s one of those luxuries we have in western society that we’d be better off without.
I have a buddy, him and his wife both proclaimed that they wouldn’t eat onions. Not couldn’t, just wouldn’t. I made some baked beans with bacon and sauteed onions in them. Lots of onions, but they were really cooked down. I didn’t tell them what was in the beans, and they both commented that they liked the dish, what made it so sweet?? I layed the onion bomb on them.
Well, the guy decided onions weren’t evil, his wife freaked (they are since divorced BTW).
Same guy said he hated squash, so I fried some dredged in Jiffy sweet corn muffin mix. He loved it, said it reminded him of Cap’n Crunch cereal (?) And I put onions in my fried squash, too, but by now I had him acclimated.
We had a little family owned Chinese restaurant here, good food. I noticed the owners were eating something I’d never seen. Gelatinized BBQ’d chicken feet. They were a delicacy shipped in from San Francisco come to find out. They gave me one, I could tell it was an honor. And I gnawed on the thing for a while, not to just be polite, but it really didn’t look or smell half bad. Not something I would shell out the $50/lb or whatever they told me they cost.
No moral to this story, except I still don’t like raw tomatoes.
Elmwood O my! I had the same thing happen to me! I dated a Cuban in college. I really loved this man; we were very close. I mentioned to him that I really didn’t care for Mexican food–Mexican, not Cuban, Mexican.
did he try to persuade me to like some Mexican dishes? No. (and I breathed a sigh of relief–I wasn’t gonna force him to eat Yorkshire pudding, afterall). He did cook Cuban for me a few times and it was OK. Not great, but OK.
No-He didn’t even try–he took me out to eat at a Mexican restaurant (!) and proceeded to break up with me there. Over dinner, he read out a list of my failings and the ways that we just wouldn’t suit. Now, obviously, the food was an excuse, but still!
I was crying into my entree (I was 20); the food on the plate blurred and looked just like vomit to me. End of any attempt to eat Mexican food for me. Ya know, it still looks like vomit to me (and I am long over him)–refried beans look like vomit.
But–if that cuisine had spices and flavors that I liked, I would have tried by now to overcome all that (it was 20 years ago, afterall). But I don’t like peppers; I never had–and I have tried–and I loathe beans (the chili kind) and I don’t like cilantro (although it doesn’t taste like soap to me). So, I can live w/o Mexican.
I never found anyone else who was dumped for food preferences…weird!
And if I have tried it, and I don’t like it, why should I have to make myself miserable, just because YOU like it? Jesus.
However, I would like to point out that smell and taste can be very different. As a child, I would never try mustard-the vinegary smell made me gag, and I hated watching my dad slather it on his sandwhichs. My sister however loved mustard and pretzels, and they would often sit together and eat this snack, while I sat in the corner and gagged at them. Finally, my father dared me to try mustard, saying, “Well, you’ve never TASTED it.” So after a bit of squirming, I finally took a pretzel, dunked it in and tasted it. DAMN! Now, I absolutely adore mustard on my sandwhiches, and honey mustard is the food of the gods.
Or turkey bacon. I usually microwave it, since it’s easier than frying. It stinks when it’s cooking…but it tastes absolutely devine.
BUT…if you don’t want to try it-that’s no skin off my back. Seriously. As long as you don’t sit there and say, “Eeeewww…how can you eat a turkey bacon, cheese and mustard sandwhich? That’s soooooo gross!” then I don’t care.
Stonebow, you need to get the fuck over yourself. No one is spurning YOU, not even “symbolically,” and if you truly feel that way, then you don’t have issues, you have a life-time subscription.
Pizzabrat – I think those people that ‘make up allergies’ use it as a way to avoid the insistent questions about why they don’t like a particular food. Sometimes I’m tempted to say ‘I’m allergic’.
:rolleyes: Don’t ask them to eat olives?
Look. I don’t eat seafood. I can go to a seafood restaurant and get a steak. Would you have a hard time dealing with that? It does not affect my ability to socialize one bit. If that puts you off, it’s your problem.
What kind of people do you dine with that would whine or tell you that your selection of food is gross? I haven’t seen that type of behavior since Junior High.
Crikey, Stonebow --you aren’t handing me your self-esteem when you pass that platter–you’re offering me food.
yes, I agree that food and food prep can be highly symbolic–but it is not the be all and end all.
You are serioulsy saying that if you met the perfect someone and they were as crazy about you as you were about them–that you would NOT further the relationship because they didn’t share your love of fill-in-the-blank?
that is incredible to me–talk about spoiled! there is so little love and tolerance in the world as it is, but you and foodies like you would make a federal case out of something so transient as last noc’s dinner.
Wow.
Maybe it is. But I’d never date a woman who’s a Picky Eater. Food is very important to me. I fully understand not liking some stuff and declining other, but goind out with someone who thinks food is just a mean of surrvival is so contrary to the way I want to live my life, I can’t see a functional relationship working out between us.
As for your comment a few posts up about being forced to eat [insert foodstuff] as a child. I’m just stating the theory that the more variety, the bigger your opportunity is to develop picky behaviour. I think it’s partly American, where everything comes in 32 flavors. Dear Og, the the amount of decisions a non picky eater has to make in a restaurant. I can only imagine what it’s like if you’re picky.
I’m surprised that there are so many people who think that it’s not rude to flat-out refuse to eat just a little of something that someone took a lot of time and effort to cook for them on the sole reason that they just don’t like it (disregarding religious, ethical, and medical reasons, as well as the whole hair-trigger projectile vomiting thing (I was unaware there were so many people walking around on the verge of puking all over everyone)).
Since when are dinner parties cafeterias? Assuming that the host has made other dishes that you do like, don’t you wanna repay his generosity by making even a token gesture of gratitude? I’m not a cook, but I know plenty of people who are, and they do get disappointed when one of their guests won’t try something they’re so proud of making. Although for the most part they wouldn’t be so rude as to pressure someone into trying something.
I freely admit that I am not an outgoing, social person. Most of my experiences dining with other people have been family and the occasional friend. I’ve never gone to a dinner party or anything like that. So take my opinion for what it’s worth.
That said, it strikes me as incredibly odd that a host wouldn’t attempt to find out what s/he should cook that everyone would enjoy. If I had a friend that insisted on me coming over for dinner but likewise insisting on preparing what they thought was good with no attempt to coordinate with me, I’d stop eating with that person. That’s not the behavior of a good host, in my opinion.
In the cases I can think of, such as a company luncheon, where the food offered was non-negotiable because there’s too many people to coordinate, it should likewise not be a huge issue to take a pass on the food. There’s no intimacy there, no friendship at risk.
I may be inconsiderate for not wanting to try the crab you made, but it was likewise inconsiderate for you to even find out if I wanted crab in the first place. It would likewise be rude of me to prepare a Thai dinner before finding out you despise spicy food. Friendship’s a two-way street.
Just to digress, I have in fact eaten a meal with lel and I can honestly say I don’t remember her vocally making an issue of anything about the meal. Definitely not a drama queen IMHO.
Now wait just a goddamn minute. Yes, some self-described foodies are being jerks in this thread. Others of us are not. I like you, Q.E.D. A lot. You’re a great guy, and a brilliant mind. Why are you tarring all of us with the same brush? Point to one thing I’ve said (or that yosemite has said, or clairobscur, etc.) that smacks of “complete fucking asshole”.
All I’m saying (and really, all that even sven is saying) is that food is a major part of our lives, and like anybody with a passion, it makes us a little sad that others don’t experience it the way we do. That’s all. Just because some people are labeling selective eaters “pussies” and suggesting they grow up doesn’t mean all “foodies” are that way.
Are you saying that being incompatible on a basic level should not bar one from pursuing a relationship that will be worn down eventually by the nitpicking and petty fights? Jeez. Obviously, if someone looks at food and eating as an inconvenience, then they are not ‘perfect’ for me. I love my wife- she is in fact, perfect, in my eyes- but i don’t think that our relationship would survive such a fundamental difference, any more than it could if my stepkids had hated me, or I found her religious practices abhorrent, etc.
Now, it’s entirely possible I have issues- as I have said, I love food, cooking, and eating probably more than is good for me- but it’s a funny accusation coming from people that apparently gag at the slightest provocation. Seriously, vomiting/gagging is one of the most unpleasant things I can think of, but from the descriptions here, some of you can’t turn around without your gorge rising. That either merits my most heartfelt pity for your situation, or the biggest fucking rolleyes ever.
Reading some of the non-pickies’ latter posts, I’m wondering now if perhaps my attitude toward food as not being of some huge social and experiential importance has to do with the fact that my family never ate together when I was growing up. I mean, we ate together in the sense that we were all in the same house at the same time (at least until I started high school), but we weren’t together in that we almost never all sat down at table together to have “a” dinner. The only times this happened were Thanksgiving and Christmas (and that was always turkey or ham). The rest of the year we ate on card tables, in the living room, watching TV. Every night. Very little conversation or interaction.
I don’t understand WHY having differing eating habits means incompatible on a basic level. Most of your day is spent on things other than food, is it not? Why can’t you find a way to agree to disagree and work around it? I know if I met my perfect woman who also had the unfortunate habit of eating iguana fetuses, I’d just frickin’ ignore it and eat something else. Problem solved. Now we can get n with whatever it is we do.
Also, I’ve got some Northern Goodies™ for those who say they will try anything.
Well, I was thinking more of igunaq, which is raw walrus meat fermented underground for a year in bags made of animal skin. Not knocking anyone who likes it; (some) inuit consider it a delicacy…but man! THE SMELL!
I’ll add that, at least as far as I’m concerned, being picky does not mean I refuse to try new things. I’ll try just about anything once. Long and unpleasant experience has taught me that about 75% of the new foods I try, I won’t like. I’ll still try them, of course, but it’s very rare that I find something that I would genuinely enjoy eating on a regular basis.
Also, I want to second what Podkayne said about the taste of seafood. She’s right, it’s not that all seafood tastes exactly the same. Some of it, at first, I even like. Except it always, always, always has the same nauseating fishy after taste. It’s so bad that it completely ruins my appetite for anything else, because I can’t get that horrible after-taste out of my mouth. And I’ve tried a lot of different kinds of seafood. I even found one exception to my otherwise uniform experience - I actually like crab, in moderation.
Oh, and pizzabrat and even sven must be absolutely insufferable to be around in real life. My God, can neither of you actually fathom the idea of being friend with people who have different interests? What the fuck is wrong with you people?
I think we are talking at cross purposes here. I am understanding you and Gaspode to reject anyone who doesn’t share your love of food. I like food–but I am not one to revel in it. I don’t go out of my way to try a new cuisine or drive across town to be there opening night for the new restaurant. How does that make me a Philistine who will make you crazy? How could anyone reject a partner based on such issue? So your new SO doesn’t like squash–so what? Maybe they hate the way you trim your toenails.
Who said that eating was an inconvenience? It’s a neccessity. Some make a production out of it b/c doing so feeds another part of themselves. Others don’t. Like that one poster said about food and music–to each his own. Does your wife know that she is on an approval basis–and the day she expresses a less than enthusiastic response to your linguini, she is out the door?
What the hell? Should I dump my husband because he is not interested in British history? Or should he dump me b/c I don’t like to fly in small planes?
Let me get this straight … becasue someone may not have the same diverse tastes or tolerances for other food as you, they’re basically childish and immature? If we’re not foodies gleeing with delight at the thought of a balsalmic vinegar tasting, the opening of a Senegalese/Hunan fusion restaurant, or the arrival of fresh durian at Whole Foods, then we must be living on a diet of Happy Meals, mac and cheese and chicken fingers? I do hope your view of the world isn’t really so black and white.
So you commend the host’s spiteful behavior? “Screw that picky eater … I’m getting a loaded pizza for 'em!” (FWIW, this member of the Buffalonian diaspora will never turn down a good chicken wing.)
I do have mild allergies to some foods; some are less severe than when I was a kid, but they’re still there. However, I’ll admit that there have been times I’ve said I was allergic to something, and I really wasn’t, so I WOULD BE LEFT THE FUCK ALONE. Again, I don’t want to draw attention to my eating habits It’s others that do so, and it’s very frustrating from this end. It’s probably the same level of frustration you experience when you prepare pickled oryx pancreas for a valued guest who not only cannot appreciate it like you, but also makes a scene. You don’t like scenes from picky eaters. Neither do we, which is why we’re so frustrated with being harangued about what’s not on our plate.
You asked …
Yes. Read the experience of other pickies. It happens ALL THE TIME. The majority of the time, I encounter this at conferences or meeting with catered food that you have no control over. I don’t make a big deal about what’s being put in front of me; it’s the others at my table, often strangers, that are making a big spectacle about why I’m not eating the deviled egg sandwich. That’s why I avoid such luncheons now, at all costs; I don’t want to draw attention to myself. However, in the eyes of some, it’s precisely this quiet avoidance behavior that makes pickies “whiney attention whores” or “passive-aggressive” or whatever. As some posters have implied, it’s perfectly okay for the foodies to criticize a pickie’s plate, but not okay for pickies to feel frustration in such situations. Go figure.
Because I can usually find many items on the menus of most restaurants that I can eat, while still being able to enjoy their company. They’re often the ones making the big deal about the fact that I can’t eat EVERYTHING on the friggin’ menu. If they’re new friends, they understand that I find that behavior frustrating and offensive, and eventually leave me alone. They value my friendship, and my “high maintenance” (sheesh!) eating habits are a small price to pay.
I tolerate the quirks of my friends, too. Why? Because it’s worth it. I like indie films. If I have a friend that doesn’t like them, we don’t go to indie films. I’m a klutz. If I have a friend that is an active participant in local league sports, so be it. I don’t have to be there shooting hoops by his or her side.
Because I like having a diverse circle of friends. They’re people I click with well. Some may be athletic while my large motor skills are a mess, some may be neoconservative Republicans while I’m a liberal Democrat, some may be passionate about hunting even though I don’t own a gun. Being my clone isn’t a prerequisite for being my friend; we just have to share some common ground and “click,” whether male or female.
