What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching
the Super Bowl?
A: The Kansas City Chiefs
What do you call a 250 pound Packer fan?
A: An anorexic.
What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring?
A: A thief.
Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?
A: Soldier Field. They never get a touchdown there.
The Bengals.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a pig?
A football that throws itself.
Football players are like politicians. You have to be smart enough to play the game and dumb enough to think it’s important.
Q: How many Bengals does it take to change a tire?
A: Usually just one, unless it’s a blowout. Then the whole team shows up.
Here are a few good lines I got out in my Giants bar (or heard) while watching my beloved team playing…
When Michael Irvin fumbled against us, I yelled, “He got all excited because he thought the hash mark was made of real hash.”
When one of our cornerbacks who sucked was burned for the third of fourth time in a game, a disgruntled patron in the back screamed, “Patterson, you couldn’t cover a seat cushion with your ass!”
Some Cowboys jokes:
What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?..A huddle.
Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who’s driving?..The police.
Why did Michael Irvin really retire?..It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on “grass”.
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new “Honor System”, Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
(My personal favorite)
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran
And of course, we have annagrams:
**J**ust **B**oy **G**oing
**E**nd **I** **I**n
**T**he **L**ove **A**nd
**S**eason **L**osing **N**o
**S**uperbowls **T**ouchdown
**S**coring
**R**eally
**E**xpensive
**D**efense
**S**ucks
**K**icking's
**I**nept
**N**ever
**S**cores
Okay, that’s enough for now…
Yer pal,
Satan - Commissioner, The Teeming Minions
*I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR:
Five months, two weeks, six days, 21 hours, 51 minutes and 11 seconds.
6956 cigarettes not smoked, saving $869.55.
Extra life with Drain Bead: 3 weeks, 3 days, 3 hours, 40 minutes.
*“I’m a big Genesis fan.”-David B. (Amen, brother!)
Satan,
You know your buddy Patterson was on an NFL tour of Japan and told them his nickname was Toast - they said "Is that because of the color of your skin?" And he had to admit it was because he was always getting burned...(TRUE STORY)
at training camp as a rookie, Jeff Jeffcoat was asked to sing. He sang “The FBI is coming to town” went over great in Dallas.
Three guys are walking down the road, when they come upon a beautiful woman lying there, naked and unconscious. One of the guys calls 9-1-1 on his cell phone.
As they are waiting for the paramedics to arrive, they start feeling a little embarrassed at seeing the woman like this. One guy takes off his Detroit Lions cap and places it over her left breast. His friends take his lead. One puts his Chicago Bears cap over her other breast, and the other covers her crotch with his Green Bay Packers cap.
Soon, emergency crews arrive, as the paramedics attend to the woman, the police investigator inspects her and the scene, jotting notes.
Soon, he lifts the Lions cap, looks under, sets it back. Lifts the Bears cap, looks under, sets it back.
He then lifts the Packers cap, looks under, sets it back. Then lifts it back up, looks under longer, sets it back. Again, looking even longer.
One of the guys who found the woman gets irate. “Hey, cop, what’s your problem? You some kind of pervert or something.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” the cop says. “That’s the first time I haven’t seen an asshole under one of those Packer hats.”
