How do I fake my way through a super bowl party?

I could not care less about sports, including football. How do I fake my way through a superbowl party.

By the way I’m a guy, and I think I’m expected to be somewhat excited.

why do you feel that you need to be fake?

at most superbowl parties i’ve been to, the game is very secondary. people socialize, shut up for the ads, and use the actual football as filler if there’s a lull in conversation.

If anyone asks you about what you think about football, talk about how the Dallas Cowboys haven’t been the same since the Tom Landry era, and how great the old Green Bay Packards were. Who ever asked you will quickly back away slowly and find someone else to pester.

The other thing you can do is find a cute girl, and confess to her you really don’t understand football. Either she’ll start to tutor you in how great football is, or she’ll agree with you and you can both poke fun at everyone else.

Just say “Oh, the ads are the best part” and eat some dip.

Try to change channel at some time because you want to see “Sex and the City” reruns.

pick a side and stick to it, have a beer in your hand, and don’t ask any football-related questions.

picking a side is probably 80% of fandom. having beer in your hand (and holding it convincingly. no pinkies up) is a very quick and dirty way “guys’ guys” size up a new guy. and really, asking questions is just a poor decision on both counts. you reveal yourself as a newbie, and most football fans couldn’t explain the x’s and o’s to you if they wanted to. the basic knowledge of a typical “fan” is shockingly low. it’s gotten a smidge better since the NFL network arrived on the scene, but still i’m willing to bet 3 out of 4 guys who are self proclaimed fans could tell you exactly what a trap block is, or explain what the difference between a stunt and a blitz is.

For one thing, you don’t often hear of a cunning blitz.

Any time someone drops the ball say “Oh shit!” It works no matter which team you arbitrarily chose to cheer for (if any). If your team drops the ball it’s a bad thing. If the other team drops it, it’s a good thing for your team and so your “Oh shit!” should sound more positive and hopeful.

Please elaborate on why you’re going to a Super Bowl party, and why you feel that the way you comport yourself is going to be evaluated by the other attendees.

BTW, some basic etiquette: Don’t sneak off and bang the hostess in the kitchen. It’s considered bad form.

Unless you’re the host, of course. And even then, the bedroom (or the garage) would probably be a better choice.

If its a Packers party when anyone asks what you think of the Packers just say “They got rid of Farve at the right time”.

If its a Steelers party when anyone asks what you think of “dem Stillers” just say “Chuck Knoll would be proud” – just pronounce “proud” poorly.

Other than that drink and eat heavily and follow the lead of everyone else. Sort of like going to a Roman Catholic mass; people stand, you stand - they sit, you sit.

Ooh, *very *good advice! Although you might not want to call them the “Packards”. :wink:

Just follow the lead of the room. At some point, someone will do something to indicate that the players are being utter morons. Usually, this involves groaning, laying back in your seat like you’re having a heart attack and yelling, “Come ON! REALLY?! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU CALL THAT?!” Join in the melodramatic fun - no detailed analysis necessary, just dramatics.

When someone does something cool, people are likely to jump up and yell things like, “Go! Go! GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOOOOOOO!” or “Come on, baby, come ON! WOOOOOOO!” Again, do as they do and you’ll be fine.

This part. This is good. If not this, then just shut up and watch. Look intense. Try not to cheer unless everyone else on your side is cheering. Even then, just look vaguely pleased. Only drawback with this plan is, they may think you’re an intense football fan, too intense for them.

If you see a flag get tossed, nod knowingly and say “Holding.” If the call turns out to not be holding, roll your eyes and say “fucking refs are blind.” Trust me, it’s 99% likely to be true.

do you eat? do you drink? if the answer to both is “yes” then you don’t really have to fake anything.

Just do what I do: hang out in the kitchen with the women. Failing that, go play a game with the kids.

You could talk about how your skirt and panties are too tight, and ask others for help in picking out some really nice bunny slippers online.

(just kidding)

You don’t need to say much about the game other than knowing who is playing and picking a side. Use a coin if you need to. Use commentary like the actual commentators do but sparingly.

Start of the game:

“I think the running game is going to be important in this one. The throwing game could be a game decider though.”

“If the Packers can catch an early lead, I think it would help put them in position to win it.”

Late in a drive:

“They don’t want this to go to 4th down.”

Short and goal:

“All they have to do is break the plane.”

Field goal attempt:

“Putting it between the uprights is good for 3.”

You get the idea… state the obvious from time to time and you will sound better than John Madden once the beers and noise kick in.

ProTip: Don’t stand up and/or move around during a play blocking someone’s vision of the screen. It’s American Football and there’s a reason it will take four hours to play sixty minutes of football. Wait for a time-out or a commercial to make that run to the bathroom.

Consider painting your face. No one will doubt your rabid fan status if your face is painted. Think David Puddy from Seinfeld. Gotta support the team!

Offer to run a squares game (seriously). Pay out based on the score after every quarter. Gets everybody into the game. By the way the thing they get wrong in the following how-to? Everybody who buys in gets to write their name in squares… before you randomly draw the numbers. That way no one can bogart the 2-2 (kidding).

Just say, “the conference championships were the REAL games. The Super Bowl is never as good.”

Note: don’t say this in the 4th quarter if the score is close.