Hola…sorry to bring up a topic that I’m sure some people won’t like…but I was curious to know if anyone has some suggestions as to what to say to people when they chew with their mouth open. I think there are 3 types of these people: (1)the people that you know well enough to say something to, (2)the people that you know well enough but can’t really say something to (like a grandparent), (3)and the people that you don’t know well enough.
It drives me nuts…enough said. I just can’t imagine why people think this is ok to do, especially in a quiet setting, like a meeting at work. It’s quiet, someone is talking, and yet some dumbass on the side is chewing something like there’s no tomorrow…or it’s going to disappear if they don’t eat it loud and fast enough.
Things I’ve heard…(1)Are you chewing that for me to? (2) Are you in a rush to go somewhere? (3)Are you ok?
HELP!
Ohhh, it’s brutal. What’s with people? Don’t they hear that? The other day, this guy was gnawing on a piece of gum and it sounded like a lion going at it after it just took down a water buffalo on the serengeti!
What can one do? To respond to it is almost as low class as doing it!
What I always wonder is; what does a guy like this do when he’s on a first date at dinner? You can’t tell me they don’t “monitor” themselves. And, if they do, don’t they realize that it’s something that needs to be done ALL THE TIME?
This has been a problem my entire life. Both of my bosses chew gum obnoxiously as well, and I constantly struggle with this issue too. I know from hard personal experience that family members were very offended when I asked them (as politely and with my tail tucked between legs as possible) to, for instance, chew with their mouths closed. Because I work in a very intimate office and it is imperative that we all function smoothly as a team, I have never directly confronted either of my bosses with my request, but one of them is aware that I hate gum-snapping. . . and she seems to have started doing it more since she acknowledged that I don’t like it. The other boss is oblivious, but that doesn’t make it any better. I practically go hide in my office whenever they come in with gum. I can hear it over everything else - I’m attuned to it, but it makes me want to scream.
I am an American living in the Philippines, and about 90% of the Filipinos eat with their
mouths open. It sounds just the Simpsons eating sometimes.
They will also look you straight in the eye while picking their noses anywhere and everywhere.
Anyway, I love the people here, and I have been here for over a year, but the lip smacking and talking with their mouths full is something I will never get used to, it really , really annoys me. I don’t think anything will change a whole countries habits.
We’re not talking about a family member with a head-cold, right? That would elicted some sympathy. A meal being served in bed would be a good idea.
I would suggest strongly pushing for a company-wide policy of no food at meetings.
I am a gum-chewer, and a side-long look at my mouth when ever I start to chomp like a cow gets the point across to me.
That being said, I’ve watched this behavior, and sometimes it is NOT simple bad manners. Sometimes it is a power game, a way of spreading control over a larger space, like pushing a chair back from the table into the walking space and spreading the knees as far apart as possible.
I think that doing it at a meeting is what I call ‘beta behavior’; subtly challenging the ‘alpha’, and asserting dominance over the ‘gammas’
That is possibly the strangest thing I’ve ever heard. What’s next? Farting as a power play?
I have a similar situation with a friend, lets call him “Barry”.
Barry talks constantly about completely uninteresting things. This doesn’t stop when his mouth is full of food. His wife tells him EVERY TIME he eats with other people, “Barry that’s gross! Chew with your mouth closed!” Sometimes this will momentarily stop the behavior. Other times he will try to partially cover his mouth while talking with his mouth full of food. He won’t ever stop talking though, to actually CHEW the food, so the same wad of food will stay in his mouth throughout a 5-minute conversation.
Every time we eat together, he seems to be completely unaware of how gross it is when he talks directly to your face from about 2 feet away, with a mouth full of food. He remains completely unaware of it until his wife says something to him. Furthermore, sometimes I can’t even understand him, his speech is so muffled by the food, and YET HE REMAINS UNAWARE OF IT until someone says something to him. Now I just say “I can’t understand you with your mouth full like that.” (even if I could puzzle out what he’s trying to say with a little effort)
It just baffles me how he could say to someone “Mppph errrgh mmmmph!!!” and not realize that there might be SOMETHING wrong with the way he is communicating. But he honestly has no idea until someone brings it to his attention.
If anybody finds a way to deal with this awful habit PLEEEASE let me know.
Two members of my family (not my children) do this and it is truly disgusting.
Two things I’ve tried: When we’re at the table and someone asks me a question, make a point of careful chewing for a few seconds and then apologize for making them wait, since I don’t want to talk with my mouth full. Second, when they are talking through their food, I claim to be unable to understand them, even if I can sort of make out what the words might be if not smothered in meat loaf and potatoes. This hasn’t worked, however. My mother-in-law is one of the offenders; since she’s 89 years old and has probably been doing this all her life, it’s very unlikely she’ll stop now.
Next? No; that is the first example of beta behavior exhibited by young human males; young females begin to exhibit the ‘eye-roll sigh’ at roughly the same age.
At about the time the females start to perfect the ‘dropped chin look across the shoulder’, young males begin to exhibit the ‘spread the knees as far apart as humanly possible’ behavior.
Sexual dimorphism continues to increase with age. Adult males frequently adopt the ‘loud chewing’ mechanism when forced into what they perceive as submissive positions; females, on the other hand, develop the ‘wear enough perfume to gag a dead pig three states away’ technique.
Most interestingly, the influence of members of the opposite sex to inhibit such behavior is inversely proportional to the degree of the personal relationship between the offending ‘beta’ and the rebuker, unless, of course, the opportunity for sexual congress is threatened.
However, associates of the same sex can discourage such behavior by engaging in gender specific rebukes; refusing to engage in sexual congress is not necessary in such cases.
In short (yeah, right), Barry will never listen to his wife, until she says, ‘if you do that again, I will not have sex with you for a month, and that is so disgusting no-one but a total skank would either’. And then he will still forget.
But if you say, ‘That is so gross’ and throw a dinner roll at him, he’ll get the idea.
Unless you are female; in that case, use the DCATSL.
I use the fake concern. “Oh my goodness, from the sound of your chewing apparently you can’t breath out of your nose. That’s probably a symptom of a serious medical condition, you really should see a doctor immediately.” If they don’t get that hint, then they’re probably aware of the behavior and just choose to do it anyway. It’s a stubborn control/territory issue.
I didn’t realize you knew a former roommate of mine. He was gay but fancied himself a “straight acting” macho kind of gay guy. So he farted whenever other guys were around. I assume he was feeling perhaps a bit threatened or insecure around other men, gay or straight. Who knows? But he was a real pig about it. Yeah, guys do it sometimes.
I’m doing temporary work with this guy now and we drive in a car together for most of the day. Part of the job is service and the other part is sales.
He’s a loud gum chewer. I’m stuck in the car, can’t go anywhere. He keeps offering me gum. I politely decline but I want to say, “Wouldya STOP with the gum already!?”
Then, yesterday, he goes on a rant about how it’s important to pop a piece of gum in your mouth when you go to see clients because nothing will kill a deal faster than bad breath in someone’s face.
I’m thinking, “Oh, ok, you’re concerned with manners when it concerns making a buck but, sitting here in the car it’s “chomp-smack-smack-chomp-pop-smack-gulp-smack””. AAauughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
God! I love my Husband but he doesn’t know how to close his mouth! I have told him and he tries but it seems to be one of those habits that are hard to quit. Am I intolerant or is he disgusting? An ongoing discussion in our house.
Honestly? He is disgusting. (Did he do this when you were dating?)
If he does it because he is talking during dinner (not that I am against dinner table conversation), try insisting on listening to Bach or Debussey during dinner.
If he just chews with him mouth open, get him to a doctor. He might truly being having trouble breathing through his nose.
Lilke most of us, she’s probably a bit of both. She lives for the happiness of others, which must be accomplished various means, like eating lots of borscht. We never tell her anything bad, because then she will moan for days about how upset she was, she “couldn’t sleep whole night.” Generous to a fault, especially to her grandchildren, but a sharp cookie who has been known to get the better of used car salesmen in a haggle. Not much on what I consider manners, though. Besides the gobbling and talking with mouth full, she thinks nothing of making the kind of personal remarks that would make Miss Manners swoon.
