I agree with Sigmagirl’s suggestion. Just a card from yourself and let anyone else handle it in their own way as well.
If you don’t mind “spoiler-ing” the “big event”, you can still ask the bride – “see, we got you a card, all low-key like you wanted, but we’re sure there are others in the office that would like to sign it too – mind if we pass it around and get a few more people to sign?”
+1
The bride kinda-sorta set the tone by the e-list; it is her day. This would make her intentions clear.
But +1 also for seperate/ additional cards from other people who weren’t listed & want to show they have the class to rise above & wish her well anyway.
A well-wish is merely a gift that the bride can accept or not. If she accepts it with grace, it will say a lot about her.
Well, I should have logged on here *before *sending the card on its merry way. I just hope no one else finds out about this. I will keep *my *yap shut, but knowing Jeffrey and Lisa, they probably know about this in Bird Center, Iowa, by now.
Really, I think the bride either should have told no one, or sent out an all-office e-mail saying “we are keeping this low-key, please, no party or gifts or anything.” Rather than “I only like *some *of you.”
I just got this e-mail from one of the other elect:
I am just not talking to *anyone *in this fucking office ever again about anything. I hate cliques and office politics.
You’d rather talk to us anyway.
That’s what I would do. Why force something that is an individual effort into a group exercise? Especially in a situation like this. And the card gets sent to her house.
No, it’s too late for that (and no one has her home address anyway). The Elect have all signed the card and it will be given to her, and no one can say a *word *about this to anyone, and some of my own office friends are not among The Elect. As far as I’m concerned Kate’s marriage never happened and I never heard about it, as I cannot remember who The Elect are.
I hate office cliques. I am just going to sit here mum at my desk and work and surf the internet and not talk to anyone. (It also makes me wonder what group things I have not been told about because someone hates me?)
This was going to be my answer, too. An individual sending a card can include a personal note. Group cards end up being signed with more mundane “Good Luck” or “Much Happiness” since there’s not enough space for long wishes.
OK, day late and a dollar short, but what ya gonna do… 
Next time. Avoids all those politics and is nicer.
However, you did get the card, and I think that makes it your call on who gets to sign the card.
I think I’d mention to one of your friends not among the elect the situation, and have someone from the office get a second card from everyone. Not that I’d let anyone know I was orchestrating it…but things slip out, you know…and I suspect any friend of yours is Bright enough to put things together.
I don’t think you should be sending a card. Signed by anyone.
She asked, specifically, for ‘keep it quiet’, then told only a select handful of people. What am I missing?
These two things scream, “Please don’t circulate a card!”. If I were her, I would wonder why that wasn’t clear to y’all.
In places where I’ve worked, if a group of people didn’t get around to signing a card (they were away/in another office/it just didn’t get to them) someone usually went out and bought another one anyways, and sent it around for those who missed the first one.
So much drama over such an insignificant issue. It’s a card. If the bride can’t appreciate that people are happy that she’s happy, she can throw the damn thing out and mope for the rest of her life. It’s not like they got clowns and balloons and a Macy’s parade float and an airplane to write “Katie’s getting MARRIED!!” across the Manhattan sky in purple glitter smoke.
Though that would be kind of cool to see.
And now the “in crowd” is chipping in to get her a gift, which is idiotic–it will only make *sure *that the “untouchables” are made aware that they were not to be told. I am staying as far away from this whole thing as possible.
This whole kerfuffle will surely end up destroying your life as you know it!
I *hope *so. My life as I know it sucks.
I guess I’m not really sure why she told anybody about the marriage in the first place. Unless it was an invitation to the wedding or reception, then it sounds like she’s just fishing for gifts.
I don’t see how you are connecting the two different concepts. Circulating a card amongst those who already know is not telling anyone. Yeah, people will eventually find out, but in the same way they’ll eventually find out about the marriage.
Unless they are actually passing it at work in front of everyone. But that would be stupid, since you are trying to keep it secret.
Because that’s what friends do. Most people have a natural desire to share their emotions with others. In fact, not doing so is a sign of certain mental disorders in children, like Asperger’s.
Send her five cards.
One from the select group.
One from just you.
One from Ellen DeGeneres.
One from some obscure but famous dead person that only you seem to know.
One from Elijah. (if she or the bride is Jewish)
Speaking as a shy person who’s getting married, what I would probably mean is “I only told people I would be sure would actually care, I didn’t want to impose on everyone else”, but would be very happy if everyone did decide to get me a card. But it sounds like there’s some specific drama she’s trying to avoid, and I don’t know what’s behind that; getting everyone in the office but two people to sign would probably be worse. (It also depends how big the office is, if six people know out of twelve, that’s a bit embarrassing, but if six people know out of twenty-four, then maybe she just told the people she knows best, which seems perfectly reasonable!)