Lady Baggins and I are almost polar opposites when it comes to talking. She loves to talk - when she hits the door, it’s all about the toad she saw that morning on her way out the door, the scarf that the woman in the office across the hall was wearing, how brown the french fries were that she had for lunch…anything.
Me, being the typical guy, I talk about things only if they are signifigant to the impending doom of the relationship and or continuing the existance of my life, her’s or her little boy’s. I could have gotten in a wreck on the way home and if I was OK and the truck was OK, I might not even mention it to her.
We have a sign. If she’s talking to the point of babble, I either:
A) Kiss her on the cheek and tap her leg or butt twice. Not a smack, just a light tap - twice. She gets it. Works great for being in company.
B) If I’m feeling daring, I do the Dana Carvey Master of Disguise thing. "Honey, you’re doing this hand making yakety mouth talky thing when I want you to do this - *** Hand closed**
I usually get hit for the last one. But hey, we’re communicating!
She just tells me to shut up if and when I ever DO get to excitedly talking about something
Yep, we used to do this dance too. Work from home, spend entirely too much time together and we used to do it to each other.
Then we had kids. Now we just get annoyed with the kids doing it ;). But seriously, it reached the point where we both got it that we had to ask before blasting into whatever it was that we simply had to share.
It got better with time. Or we got used to being ignored. Or something. You’re not doomed.
We both do this to each other. In fact, he did it to me just a few hours ago while I was trying to read. What I do, and I suspect he does also, is remember that he’s not doing it to annoy me. The other person just really, really wants to talk at that time. I usually listen, go back to my book, listen, go back to my book, etc. I try never to look annoyed or irritated. I love him, and I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Hmm, I have the same issue, different person. I live with/take care of/support my friend that i’ve known since we were 10 and 11 years old. She’s severly depressed, has multiple health problems as well asmental/emotional issues, and has no concept of ANYBODY but her needing privacy or quiet or sleep.
I will shortly be putting a lock on my door so that I can have some time to myself. I really don’t think that would be the answer for you guys, though.
Sounds like what you really need is some quality time apart. Or you need a set of headphones hooked up to a CDplayer playing AOL’s greatest hits or Wordperfect disc three. Hard to talk to somebody with those big honking headphones on…
This happens with us too, the sharing of information that is very interesting to the one person, and not at all to the other. Guess what, that is part of sharing your life with someone else. mrsIteki being a straightforward Swede initially reacted to my little anecdotes with “sorry, but I am not really interested” :eek: but has finally realised that polite humans at least feign interest. It takes a couple of minutes max and keeps everyone happy. We both understand that sometimes the reason the other person is listening is because “if it is important or of interest to you, then I can spare a few minutes of the whole life we are going to spend together to listen”. Since we listen most of the time it is much easier to take the occasional “umm… boring!”, “jesus christ would you leave me in peace!” when we really are babbeling.
Maybe the best bet for you guys would be to set up a time-frame when you have private time, say 7-9 in the evening, when you all do your own stuff and then at 9 you have tea and biccies and chat with eachother about whatever it was you did, saw, read etc?
Given the option of being irritated at the interruption, or of making mrsIteki sad, then most of the time I can live with the mild irritation, it is a small price to pay for all the other groovy stuff,and for her listening to my bullshit when I am enthusiastic about something. God knows, I realise she doesn’t think much of my all encompassing plans to build a home arcade, and my having found a really good way to connect the controls is irrelevant to her, but she will still ask if I will be able to put a coin-drop in the door, and I love her for it.
Oh my, Mrs.Kris and I do this ALL THE TIME. She’s the chatty one, akin to Baggins’ spouse. She’ll talk about anything, usually in excruciating detail. Usually it’s something I have less than zero interest in as well, such as office politics involving people I don’t know or gardening or some such. A polite “um hmm, okay…” every once in a while seems to work most of the time. Not that I want to be rude and ignore her, but I’m really not always up for extended conversations about things I’m not interested in. Now when I’m reading or involved in something on the computer, which is pretty obvious to see, it comes down to a power play for attention. I’m not always polite then, much to our collective dismay. It seems to be a no win, because if I say something to the effect of “Um, dear, I’m a little busy. Can we talk later?” then I’m the uncaring unfeeling spouse. If I’m less polite, then I’m a selfish bastard. Of course she’s never at fault. But after 16 years together, I should know that.
I second the ICQ/AIM suggestion. It seems a bit goofy to be IM’ing each other from different rooms of the same house, but who cares if it works? He gets to tell you about whatever it is as soon as he thinks of it, and you can wait a few seconds until you hit a stopping place before you read and respond. Plus, the filter of having to type stuff (instead of just saying it) will cut down somewhat on the number of interruptions.
I NEVER interrupt my boyfriend without asking “got a sec?” first. It’s not that he’s ever expressed an irritation at my disruptions, I just have always done that. I carry a little notebook in my purse to write things down to tell him, because I have basically no ability to retain my own head if it werent screwed on real tight.
Here’s a slight veer off the topic, but my boyfriend will constantly interrupt me when I’m talking. Even if I’m not speaking to HIM. I don’t mind him telling me something when I’m reading or working or otherwise silent. Not one bit. But if I’m SPEAKING, then LISTEN. It’s not reactionary sounds or clarification questions either. It’s TOTAL subject-change interruptions. Drives me absolutely BATTY. Every time he’s around, in a few hours span of time I will say the phrase “So ANYWAYS” at least 100 times. He has interesting things to say, its just that, well, so do I, and I’d just like to finish ONE 5-minute anecdote without an GD interruption!!!
breathe in…breathe out…breathe in…