Okay, long post and confession time. This will also explain and make sense of many of my actions in the game in case anyone thinks I really, really suck at it (what with the going after SnakesCatLadyso hard). I actually think I may suck at the game…but I like to think maybe it’s not as much as others may think I do. So here is a full explanation of ANOTHER thing that went down earlier in the game with interesting results. Please note. I will be using abbreviated names so that what I’m about to explain doesn’t ever happen with anyone else. :p:
Way back on Day four (I think it was, but it might have been day three), when I first logged into the SDMB, I did a vanity search. Who doesn’t? I do it every so often, about two times a week.
And so, I typed in my name and searched for any reference of someone mentioning my name. I also put the setting on “display by post” rather than topic, because it makes it easier to find if someone mentioned you.
Doing this and pressing search, the results came up and I scrolled all the way down to the bottom as I always read from the bottom (oldest) up (to most recent).
At the time, THIS was the very last post:
…which as you see, clearly mentions my name. And so, without seeing what topic it was in, my eyes read over the very first sentence. It was then, after blinking in confusion and puzzlement, I looked up at what topic it was taken out of and saw it was the forbidden thread.
Well, I went nuts.
I immediatly PMed Gad and told him what happened. I explained it in full, just as I did now and told him that I think/feel that I should be replaced. That it would be impossible for me to forget completely what I read and now knew. Because you have to admit, that was a pretty big clue and hint and info that I now knew that nobody else did.
So I PMed him and told him I think it’s fair and in my best interest to maybe be subbed out. I did really want and wish I could stay in the game, and told him this, but I didn’t see, really, how I could after my accidental seeing of that post.
Well, he PMed me back and we talked back and forth in PM for a bit. Ultimately it was decided that I’d stay in the game but not ever reveal anything too solid that I knew (and, obviously, as the game went on more and more, I was knowing, for sure, more and more…for example. Once fluid was axed, I KNEW that nobody else in that group of players was scum (at least not yet)). Instead I’d just give it like every other player in there…saying things like “I think” and “I feel” and FOSing people and using posts to help my suspicions look valid.
And really, it wasn’t THAT huge of a clue. I mean I still had one choice out of four groups, so in a way, it was harder for me rather than easier. It was like, all this time you think you know something and are pretty sure of yourself…and then you find out all you think and believe is wrong. I seriously started doubting myself at that time. Because here was, not only, a scum that existed in all I trusted, but only ONE in those I thought were all shady and scummy. So I was right on one but not on the other three.
So yeah, I found it was actually harder for me. I think with my preconcieved info and knowing things, it ruined my game and caused me harm (especially in the end).
And this explains a lot of my posts and things that I did. For example, it explains why I started saying stuff like “Hmmm…well, for all I know those four I find shady could all be scum, but I don’t think I’m that good. However I think the chances are good that at least ONE of them are.” and, after fluid was gone, why my suspicions of Mill and CaerieD waned almost immediatly (although again, in my posts, I tried to make this subtle and put it like I was still pretty suspicious of them a bit. I couldn’t let it slip that I knew stuff nobody else knew).
In different ways, I hated it and I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it because it helped open up my mind and see things in new ways and grow as a player. I hated it because I felt like I was cheating in a way and still thought it was a bit unfair to the other players. Again, I expressed these thoughts and feelings to Gad in a PM and he understood but at the same time was sympathetic a bit. He didn’t want to replace me as he thought (and, as it turned out, was right) that his post didn’t really say anything solid. It’s true that it didn’t, but again, as people died off left and right, the things I DID know came more and more to light.
It happened again when Lemur was killed off. I then knew that Cookies and nest were town. Sure there was the recruit that could be anyone…but I already had figured it to be tirial.
So I then turned my attention to the last groups. AND THIS is why I went after SCL so much and so hard (now you know, SCL). Because I knew that either her or Rach was scum. I knew that beyond a doubt.
Thing is, which one? I read over posts they made again and more and more it seemed like SCL was jumping out at me. After all, she was posting the most and Rach wasn’t at all. In fact, Rach has less posts then people who died on day one and two did.
So I only could use the posts I saw and I figured that SCL was it. I also figured I had a fifty-fifty chance anyway and she felt good for scum.
I only realized after I found she was town that I made a huge mistake. I should have kept my mind open and continued looking at Rach. I knew, for sure, she was scum now, but my credibility was shot and I was probably not long for the game anyway (which was ironic how it turned out–that I was actually dead a long time ago but nobody knew it).
Instead I focused all my suspicion on SCL when it was the other one I should have been looking at. I even SAID THIS too, after fluid was gone. That I felt that at least ONE (or both, or neither thrown in for good measure per my promise to Gad for staying in the game) of those two were scum.
So there you have it. My confession and explaination of some of my actions in the game.
In the end, I’ve deduced (which I started feeling more and more in the game and even PMed Gad about it, laughing) that that post I read actually made the game HARDER for me. Much harder. It also was my downfall and harmed my thinking making it much easier for me to think I was right, when instead, I was wrong. It was knowing that one was scum and the other was clean that made it too easy to single one out. And so I wish now that I never saw that post and am actually pretty thankful I was taken out as I was probably wrong on Diggit too. Or at least I realized that I might be doing the same mistake again. I guess we’ll find out when the game’s over.
As for the recruit, though. I still feel/think it’s tirial.
I also don’t see any harm in making this post as people read and saw Gads first post in here (the one I accidently seen), so they should know already, too, that since SCL is town, that leaves only one more person under that group heading that could be the scummy one.
My soul feels cleansed now. : p
Again, SnakesCatLady, I’m sorry I went after you so hard. Now you know why. It’s not that I suck at the game (although that may still be the case)…it’s just I’m incredibly stupid.
**Gadarene’s ** info in that post seemed so helpful, but it messed up my predictions too- I was SURE you were scum just because only a scum would have so carefully distributed the scum among those categories. I’d have bet money on it, especially once you started picking so hard on SCL. More information may not always be better, it seems…