In this thread, I described my wanting to adopt. Things have changed.
I still would like to eventually adopt, but my focus has changed. spooje had a really good point about American children needing to be adopted. Looking into things, I didn’t realize the enormous lack of foster/adoptive parents right here in my own county. There are, right here where I live, 1200 kids needing foster placement and 400 licensed homes. Amazingly (at least to me) there is a greater demand for people willing to take infants.
THIS is my calling.
Anton Nym, my hubby, and I are now residents and able to foster (with some minor adjustments…we’d have to get a cover for the jacuzzi and put a lock on the medicine cabinet). We have three empty bedrooms, enough money and enough love to go around.
I LOVE the idea of fostering infants/toddlers. I assumed that every foster parent would prefer fostering younger children since older children generally have more “issues” emotionally.
I do have some concerns though.
I have no doubt that Anton Nym and I would be approved as foster parents, given our income/lack of criminal records/lack of drug use/etc. but he travels extensively and I smoke (never in front of my child, EVER!). I’m also taking a prescription anti-depressant and I wonder how that would come into play, if at all.
How miserable is it when/if they leave? Am I going to raise a child from infancy to 4 yo and then have to give them away? That would be devastating to me and Syn O Nym, my 2.5 year old.
What can I expect?
I’m really concerned here about the whole bonding thing (especially with infants) and our feelings. I would say that the ultimate goal is to adopt a foster child when possible, but I don’t know if that’s what typically happens, or is even the right thing to do. I would feel decidedly different with raising an infant for 6 months than I would with raising a 3yo for 6 months. I know there would be bondng and love either way, but I imagine it would be different. How do you let go?
Here is a link to a thread that I started about foster care: Foster Care.
There aren’t a lot of replies, but the ones that are there are very informative. A couple people in that thread also offered to supply me with more info. via email (although I haven’t taken them up on it yet.)
Not being a parent (yet) disallows me from making any observations except for the following;
Once again Sue, you prove to be someone to admire for the big heart that manifests, not only in such superb hospitality, but now, in the opening of your home to yet another stranger that you intend to treat like family.
Sue, I want to thank you for considering foster parenting. I hope you can do it, and all goes well.
I have never been an official foster parent, but I did take in a child for a period (family). The social worker did ask me background information–I had been on anti-depressants in the past and that was brought up but not a major issue.
A social worker made regular visits to our home and stayed usually a half hour to an hour, depending on how chatty we felt and how busy the worker was.
Any child you foster may or may not have visitation with his/her parents, and you may be responsible for the transportation. If they have special needs, you may be required to transport them to and from doctor’s appointments, etc.
My impression is that foster parents get a good deal of support (like a relief worker who occasionally “babysits” the child for you if said child is taxing, say, due to behavioural issues). In my area, and presumably in yours, there is a foster parents association that has regular meetings and whatnot that would also help you out.
As far as the emotional attachment goes. . . Bittersweet is the word that immediately comes to mind: it’s hard to let go of a child, but you know you’ve done something wonderful by providing them with a safe and nurturing environment.
The child welfare agency where I am holds information nights for people interested in foster parenting. I imagine they do that where you are as well–have you checked that out yet?