I don’t see a lot of sniping in this thread. I am a former alcoholic who, for years, drank at least 100-150 units per week, and I have about the same feelings as Fear Itself – I like substances that bring me down, and that meant booze primarily. The really head-type weed never did it for me, but heroin did the half-dozen (? not sure) times I tried it, and of course booze. I don’t know how I can be helpful to the OP other than saying I agree with the general idea of not enabling.
The only real advice I can offer from experience is that there’s absolutely no, zero point in arguing with an alcoholic – and it’s incredibly insulting to “them” to constantly be sniffing around or monitoring their activities. They have a way of picking up on that – a little paranoia comes with drinking and being hungover IME – and IMO it’s better to just let them be and deal with them if you want to as they are, or take a little breather from the relationship. Sometimes the dynamics between family members and the drinker in the family can be skewed heavily against the alkie (not without good reason!) but I don’t think it’s healthy for either aggrieved party, and the emotional scars will probably be with you your entire life if the relationship is passive-aggressive and antagonist/“well-meaning.”
Al-Anon sounds like a good idea, or maybe just seeing a therapist to help moderate one’s reaction to a drinker (former or past) and to become comfortable deciding how to behave and, essentially, what’s the best move.