Sounds like my kid. He didn’t have any trouble getting into a state college this fall and is doing fine so far.
I wouldn’t discount the private schools based on the perceived expense. Typically, they have more financial aid money than the public schools, so it might be cheaper. Apply to a few schools, fill out the FAFSA and see what aid you get. (BTW, kids today have it so much easier with the Common App. We had to hand-write or type – on a typewriter – each application separately.)
And remember that the vast majority of schools do not have competitive admissions, so your kid can get into a school someplace.
And while this is true, even a landscaper might benefit from college. You might get a degree in landscape architecture or one in groundskeeping. (I saw an interview with a guy who was in charge of the field at an MLB stadium and he had a college degree in groundskeeping.)
I third (or fourth…fifth?) the community college idea. They should have a list of classes that transfer to 4 year colleges (most of your basics will. Refrigerator repair, not so much). It’s also much easier to get accepted to a major school as a junior, especially if he keeps his grades up. Plus, if he eventually gets a Bachelor’s, the diploma doesn’t have an asterisks or anything to note that you didn’t do all 4 years there.
We’re in a similar boat and might go that route.
I know I’ll get flack for saying this, but not every kid is destined for college. That doesn’t mean they can’t get an education post high school. I know of a lot of people that go into computer work with 2 years courses and make good money and love it.
You’re child needs guidance, but guide him where he wants to go. I think forcing a child to go to college when he doesn’t want to is a waste. Let him get a job for a year after high school. I can pretty much assure you, he’ll know a lot better after working for a year, what he expects out of life.
A community college, as one poster suggested is a wonderful idea, if you insist on college. Have him take one or two classes and insist he get a full time job as well. I would also make sure, if he’s working he pay a percentage (say 25%) of his take home pay to you for room and board. (If you don’t want to use it, put it in an account to give back to him later).
College is one way but certainly not the only way.
No—the useless majors are pretty much useless.
They only become worthwhile for a certain type of person: a person who would succeed in life even without a formal education–A person with a LOT of other things going on in his life, which eventually lead to a good career: an outgoing personality, volunteer activities, social activities, great networking skills, great communication skills etc. The 16 yr old in the OP is not this type of person.
I’d add that a primary role at this point is to get him thinking about what his plan for the future is- has he thought about it, and if so, has he thought about the steps to get from where he is, to where he wants to be?
I remember that sort of conversation being very eye-opening and useful as a high school kid, as I’d thought as far as the next steps(“go to college”) and an idea of what I wanted to do while there (get laid), but not much else. Having that conversation with my parents really sort of crystallized everything into a longer time horizon for thinking about things.
I imagine something similar would be helpful, especially if he doesn’t even have the next step thought out.
One more thing about going to community college: if he goes through and gets an associate’s degree (or at least fulfills all transfer requirements) , he will not need SAT scores to get into a 4-year college. So if you and he decide now that CC is the best course of action, then the pressure of taking the SAT can be lifted. He can always take the SAT later if he changes his mind.
Speaking as someone with a degree and a pretty good career:
There’s no shame in going into the trades. Some are highly skilled and can make quite a lot of money. The apprenticeship system they sometimes use can be more effective for building a career than wasting tons of money on college.
Also ignore everyone who uses the words “what I want to do when I grow up” in this context. Very few people these days maintain one career path. As we age, our interests change. And since companies have become layoff-happy, most people are finding that they have several successful “mini-careers” throughout their work life.
Also, when I was going to college, graduating was like finding the holy grail - I thought I was set for life. Now, almost 30 years later, I have realized that my degree (computer science, hardly a fluffy degree) has a perceived expiration date. It satisfies HR box-checking exercises but does not qualify me for working with modern technology. Don’t make the mistake of assuming that money you spend on an expensive degree will be all that he needs for the rest of his work life.
I kinda think you gotta change strategies, not sure pushing him is the right approach, to be honest.
He’s 16 yrs old. Old enough to motivate himself. Or at least to begin to. Have a few conversations about not performing now and the consequence of fewer choices down the road, as a result. He’s old enough to understand this. Suggest he discuss with his friends what their perceptions of their future look like, potential future education plans, etc. Acknowledge you don’t want to push him, emphasize that you feel he’s now mature enough to form his own goals and work towards them. Which, of course means the consequence from those choices as well.
I really think if you want him motivated, you have to stop pushing what you want for him, so that’s there’s space for him to figure out what HE actually wants. It’s an impressionable age to struggle with the pressure of “we want you to want this”. He loves you and desires that you’ll be proud of him, of course.
He may prove more willing to make such decisions when he feels it’s what HE really wants too. You gotta give him space to get there though, without the fog of what you want for him causing confusion. Wouldn’t you be hard pressed to make a choice someone was somewhat pushing on you?
Have you discussed what your approach will be should he not pursue higher Education? Will he live rent free while he finds himself? If so, for how long? Or do you expect him to get a job? Will he be expected to pay rent? Kick in for food? Can he stay for two years? Five? Having this conversation could get him looking forward and getting motivated about his future. Also a good reminder to consider these things now, if you haven’t already.
Good Luck!
Speaking as a college professor: Seriously, don’t push it if he’s not interested or not ready. I see students who don’t really want to be here ALL THE TIME, and most of them are gone after a semester or two. Some of them realize later in life that they do want to be here after all, come back, and do quite well; some of them just have interests and talents that lie elsewhere. But either way, they would have been better off if they hadn’t blown a significant chunk of money, goodwill, and / or lifetime Pell Grant eligibility on one or more semesters when they don’t pass any of their courses. There’s sort of a tendency, among middle-class people, to think of college as a rite of passage that everyone is supposed to go through when they’re eighteen, but truth is that college will always be there, you can start at any age, and at lots of institutions older students don’t even stand out as unusual.
Also, if you’re thinking about this as “getting my boy into college,” that’s pretty much a sure sign he’s not ready. Getting into college is something the student does, not the student’s parents. The drive and the motivation have to be internal (though not necessarily intrinsic; students who are motivated by the desire for a professional credential often do just as well as the ones who are motivated by genuine love of learning. But either way, it has to be something the student does for himself or herself, or else they’ll crash and burn as soon as they don’t have a parent standing over them.)
I have a similarly unmotivated 16 year old who has no idea what sort of career path he wants. He’s had ideas before but I don’t think he has much of one now. I’m pretty much settled on the idea that he’ll go to community college for a few years to knock out the core stuff and try and determine what he actually wants to do.
I’d have no objection to trade school except he’s no more interested in plumbing or carpentry than he is in biochemistry or Russian literature.
The military is very good wth people who don’t know what they want to do - the sergeant tells them what they want to do, and makes sure they do it. And it costs a lot less than college.
FWIW.
Regards,
Shodan
This.
My son dropped out his Junior year of high school, got a GED, and went straight into community college. Once there (and this was all 100% his choice), he carried a 4.0 and then transferred into UC Berkeley.
California at least makes it VERY advantageous to go to a Community College and then transfer - see if it is possible for your son. My son started slow, only took a couple of classes while working, and then slowly moved his way up to a full load.
Some states, most notably California, make that a great option. States that had good private schools in place by around 1890 also tend to have much less impressive state options (private interest lobbying kept them underfunded in, say, NY and Massachusetts). Which isn’t to say there are no good options even there, but it pales next to the uc system.
To poster who said “useless” degrees only pan out for people who would have been fine without a formal education, I think you (and many other posters) severely underestimate the extent to which a Ba (or higher) is a sine qua non in this job market outside some trades and entrepreneurship. OP didn’t sound like she was describing someone whose interests lie in high risk independent ventures, so I’m ruling out entrepreneurship - there’s a reason entrepreneurs are a relatively rare breed, and all of them are defined by confidence bordering on megalomania, incredible work ethic, and ambition.
Trades are of course a legitimate option, with a lot of job security, good money, and the chance to work with one’s hands (and often outdoors). If it’s something he’d consider it can be a great alternative to college and doesn’t rule out college down the line. Colleges increasingly like prior work experience and gap years, as do professional and grad schools.
A gap year doing something he’s passionate about in a semi-formal setting is worth looking into. He may arrive at college with a better idea of what he wants from it after taking one. That definitely played a role for me and many people in my cohort, and the decade or so since I was in his shoes have made this more the case.
My oldest took some community college classes in high school. Her perception was that the actual students weren’t super motivated then either. If he is unmotivated in high school, he might mature in community college or he might be equally unmotivated. I know plenty of my kids’ friends like that. It is a cheap and simple stopgap, but maybe not a solution.
My suggestion, and junior year is a perfect time for it - visit some colleges. Seeing the campus, maybe staying overnight with some students, might allow him to visualize what it would be like. With luck he might see some cool stuff he’d like to get involved with. And I understand that in some cases a pre-visit shows the admissions office that he is really interested in the college, and might be a tie-breaker in his favor. Definitely do state schools, but some private ones also, but ones he has a shot at.
And accept that he’ll be turned off by some. That’s okay. Better to find out now rather than later.
I think a college education is something that needs to be emphasized throughout childhood so that by the time the kid is 16 it’s a given that he will be going to college. How many 16 to 18 year olds are *really *passionate about anything related to their future career? I was sure as hell not passionate about engineering when I was 16, 17, 18 years old but I’m so thankful now that I was guided in that direction by my parents. So, in regards to a college education, I think it’s ok to be a little bit of a “helicopter parent.”
If my son were that age right now and wasn’t all that interested in college, I would be shoving his ass into a plumbing, pipefitting, welding, etc. apprenticeship as hard as I could. They can’t outsource the guy who fixes your toilet, you know.
I agree that a BA is often critical for getting hired.
But a BA in a useless field will not get you hired —unless you have a LOT of additional skills, experience, and networked connections. If you don’t have the experience, and especially the people-skills, then your useless BA will not get you any job interviews.
The OP’s 16 year old- drifting, unmotivated and with zero activities on his resume—is not the type who should enroll in a useless BA program at a liberal-arts college, just because his parents hope that “going to college” will somehow lead to a good job.
Yet another vote for community college. Can he take a (non-credit) course there over the summer? They have plenty of art courses at the one near me.
Also, I recommend you read this book: Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be by Frank Bruni. It tells about a bunch of successful people who took all kinds of different routes after high school. http://www.amazon.com/Where-You-Not-Who-Youll/dp/1478959231
Ugh. I get tired of this type of response. I know it’s well meaning; but in reality. in today’s world success of the type these books talk about is an outlier not a norm.
There’s a word that describes the OP’s son perfectly; it’s called average. It does not really make that much a difference what he does, he will probably end up in the relatively same financial situation with relatively the same prospects. he just should try to avoid doing something he personally finds tortuous.
I just think all the hand wringing and fretting is wasteful and needlessly takes away from time you could spend doing/thinking about more joyful things. The average life in the US is pretty damned good unless you are an average person who thinks their role in life is to be significantly above average.