So I’m slowly adapting to life in Paris, where I’ve been residing since the beginning of the year. Certainly one thing I’ve noticed is that most tasks one wishes to accomplish here tend to have unique nuances in comparison to North America (banks are drastically different, the subway works differently, even shopping at the grocery store the other day, the manager just wrote down my credit card number and trusted me that it would work the next day when she charged it for 200 euros of food I was walking out of the store with plus some things she was going to deliver).
This brings me to my question: I exchanged numbers last night with a lovely french girl and would like to know if there is anything significantly different about dating etiquette in France compared to North America.
Well, first I’d have to know the proper dating etiquette in North America :), but I shouldn’t think there’s a vast cultural or sexual gulf.
What do you have in mind, exactly ? Is it about the length of time you should let pass between getting her number and calling her ? What to expect of a first date ? Where it’s OK to take her and where it’s not ? What conversation subjects should wait until you’re well acquainted, that sort of thing ?
Yes, any/all of the above would be incredibly helpful to know. But as well, often times here its the things one doesn’t intuitively think of that tend to be the biggest faux-pas’.
If you’re not already familiar with them, I recommend the “Merde” series of books by Stephen Clark. They’re humorous and fictionalised accounts of his life as an expatriate in Paris, and cover dating and relationships as well as other anecdotes about French culture.
Seconded. Some of it’s a bit over the top, but he’s right on the money for the most part.
Back to the questions. Bear in mind, this is all from the perspective of a young-ish (mid to late twenties) guy, it might not be all valid if you and she are from another generation altogether :
Length of time you should let pass between getting her number and calling her ? : Same general guidelines as the US, I suppose. Call too soon and you’re desperate, too late and you’re forgotten, too often and you’re clingy, not often enough and you’re distant.
I guess it also depends on how you guys met and exchanged numbers. If she was a stranger and you met her in a bar or a party, something like that, I’d say call on the next day or the day after that just to make sure it wasn’t meaningless, but don’t send 20 messages either, and wait a day or three before calling again if you haven’t made any definite plans during that first call.
What to expect of a first date ?
Conversation, possibly (but not necessarily) kissing at the end, probabilities of sex remote :). French women in general are not shy about making first moves, although said first moves might take the form of deliberate hints and nudges that it’s OK of you to make it. Body language is your friend.
Oh, and speaking of kisses, I know it’s called a French kiss, but don’t feel like you’re obligated to get your tongue involved.
Where it’s OK to take her and where it’s not ?
I guess there’s not much difference there. Drinks at a bar, cups of coffee, going out for a dance, walks in the park or on the banks of the Seine are all OK. However, I’m not sure we do “dinner & a movie”, at least not on the first few dates. First dates are all about talking and getting to know each other, and a cinema’s not the best place for that - it suggests you don’t have much to talk about.
Formal dinner might even be a bit too much for a strange new acquaintance - I advise you just go for an evening drink/coffee after work and see where it goes from there. However, if she’s already a co-worker or something like that, dinner or lunch is fine.
What conversation subjects should wait until you’re well acquainted ?
Avoid financial talk, talking about money is uncouth over here. Politics are, as always, a touchy subject - but don’t ever ask someone who he/she’s voting for, you might as well be asking what colour underwear they’re wearing. Same thing about religion - definitely private matter, don’t ask about theirs, don’t talk about yours.
Beyond that, I can’t think of anything absolutely barbaric to say that wouldn’t be so in the US. Then again, I haven’t dated in the US, all I know is from sitcoms, so who knows ?
But don’t sweat it, man. Be yourself, if she’s into you the occasional social faux pas won’t matter. Besides, you already got her number, so you must have been doing something right, right ?
