I’ve just realized that I never learned about dating rituals. I guess I’ve usually had a boyfriend, or dated guys who weren’t American, or met guys in informal ways. I actually kind of like the old-fashioned formality of dating. I like being taken out by someone who behaves like a gentleman (even if his real goal is to get laid :)).
I went out with a nice young man on Thursday. I got a little drunk and goofy by the end of the night, which I realize is a dating no-no, but I handle my alcohol well. I mean, I could have gotten goofy even if I had stayed sober. Though I have to admit, the alcohol increased his odds of getting a goodnight kiss (which he got). He is very nice guy and I appreciate him putting the effort into taking me out for a nice evening. I fear there is to real potential for long-term compatibility, but I’m not sure if I’m reaching that conclusion too hastily. I’m thinking it would make sense to try a second date before drawing any conclusions.
So, do I call him to say hi and thank him? How many days do I wait? Am I supposed to wait for him to call me? If he doesn’t call after a certain number of days, does that mean he’s not interested in a second date? Were we supposed to talk about a second date at the end of the first date?
I know, this is all very silly, but he seems like someone who is familiar with these rituals and I don’t want to send the wrong signals.
Call him today and chat and if you want to see him again ask him out. If he wants to see you he’ll say yes and if not then he’ll say no or he’ll say “let me check my schedule and call you back” and then not call. If he rejects you solely because you don’t know the “rituals” then you’re better off without him. I have never understood these little games people play when they date or want to date or are thinking about dating.
Maybe these rituals do stink, but there you are. Don’t call him today; it looks desperate or clingy. If this was a first date, you don’t want to jump all over him already. He might not want a date the next weekend, but still have an interest in seeing you again. Give a call on Monday evening, though I imagine you will probably hear from him before then.
Why are these rituals called little games when it’s dating? We all recognize the need to have organized social patterns for job interviews, standing in line in a shop, ordering in a restaurant, etc. etc. etc., but as soon as it’s about romance, all of a sudden, anything but 100% brutal honesty is considered a “game.”
Sorry, this is a huge pet peeve of mine.
peepthis sounds like a person who understands social standards.
Um, thank you; that’s probably the most unusual complement I’ve gotten around here in a while. Hope you don’t mind if I snag it for a sig line for a little while.
I agree j.c.. All kinds of things we do carry a certain meaning in a social context. Like, calling to wish a friend “happy birthday” communicates to that person that you consider her a friend, and buying her a gift communicates that you consider her a pretty good friend (or you just like buying gifts). I just want to make sure that the timing of my phone call communicates the right thing. I think people react to it differently because we’re insecure, and we fear rejection, and we consider being in an intimate relationship important, and a bunch of similar reasons why we freak out over anything related to s-e-x.
As long as you’ve popped into the thread, you want to vote on when I should call?
I would say wait till Monday night, as peepthis (the person who understands social standards) suggested.
Or, if you have his email address, you could send him a nice friendly email (perhaps with a link to something relevant to something you talked about on your date) saying “hi, had a great time the other night, talk to you soon.”
Chula, getting even a little tipsy on a first date is a real bad idea. If it’s a real date-type-date, it’s even a good idea to go somewhere that alcohol is not served, or is served only in small quantities.
Don’t call him first. If you can arrange to be somewhere and “accidentally” bump into him, that’s fine. You could also feel him out about his ideas of dating by saying what you said here – that you usually don’t do formal dates.
