Say I meet five men or women all who seem really great and all ask me out (haha… but I guess you never know). If I want to go on a first date with all of them, do I make it clear to everyone I’m going on dates with more than one person or is that assumed? Do I not say anything until I feel like things are getting serious? What about for those of you in friends with benefits relationships… what if you meet the perfect partner while you’re in one?
Could use some help from those of you in the dating world!
I would suggest you don’t do all five dates on the same night, otherwise hilarity will ensue.
You don’t mention it on your first dates, unless they ask if you are seeing anyone else right now, in which case you give a non-committal ‘I’ve been on a few dates lately, how about you?’ response.
Perhaps there is one thing I can tell you that might help.
When I met her, I was extremely nervous because I did something that I have since found is kind of common. I lied to her a little about my age and one or two other facts. (I told her I was 29 instead of 31).
The evening was a disaster.
In order for things to have worked out, I needed her to be a lot smarter than I was and to have told me, "It seems to me that something is wrong here. How’s about we call it a night and you call me if you would like to try it again sometime?
I think one of the biggest mistakes women make is not “dating.” Women tend to meet a guy and date him until something goes wrong. This is not great for them for a few reasons:
The guy in question probably isn’t doing the same thing. They are probably dating other ladies, or at the very least meeting new prospects.
It’s not actually a good strategy for finding the right one. A little competition is good. The cream rises to the top, and the unsuitable guys drop out. The idea is to end up with the guy who is the best for, and that’s not going to happen if you give all your energy to the guy who happened to be there first.
Guys like it better, too. A guy isn’t flattered when he’s instantly your one and only. He knows the reality that you guys don’t know each other that well, so he’s just going to assume you do that for all of the guys. He will be much more pleased when he knows you’ve had other options and actively chose to be with him over everyone else because he’s the best.
It’s a good way not to be clingy and obsessive. Awaiting for that guy to text back is a lot less painful when you are kissing some other dude. It protects against being too available, over communicating and moving too fast.
My he best advice I’ve heard is to have “a pair and a spare,” Have a couple guys in active dating at any time, and have an extra in the works. Eventually, you’ll find the right guy and the others will fall away.
+1. Though of course, we would all LIKE you to do five dates on the same night, as long as you report back.
But yeah, you should act as if both of you have other dates, and both of you know that. It’s polite to avoid inquiring about specifics (at least until the relationship is well established enough to discuss whether it’s exclusive), and not impolite to give vague answers.
I saw two different women on Saturday. I made plans for the afternoon with one and evening with the other. I’ve only been on a couple dates with these people and didn’t say anything more than I was hanging out with other friends. And that was fine. At that early stage of a relationship I’d be pretty turned off if they demanded to know with whom/where I was when I wasn’t with them. The last time I dated someone for a few months we had a “define the relationship” talk after awhile during which we discussed exclusivity.
Building on that, assuming exclusivity after a short time is a red flag because it means either they are controlling, or they don’t think they can compete. Good catches are secure enough that they appreciate that you have had the chance to actually get to know them before moving toward bring exclusive.
For me exclusivity isn’t ever assumed. It should be discussed and agreed to. Nothing wrong with dating more than one person as long as everyone is on the same page.
Thanks for your input! From my experience (could just be me) a lot of people seem to expect sex on the first date or maybe even third, but pretty quick. So how far do you all go with each date?
