Hey! Can I get some help here with this dating thing?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Im a male, 24, and I’ll be honest. I have ~never~ gone on a date. Maybe a coffee night at Dennies back when I was underage. Every other Girl I’ve been with ( not many, and not one in the past two years, but Im back in the saddle now, methinks :slight_smile: ) has pretty much been quick one night stands through mutual friends at parties with girls in other towns. I’ll admit I had low self esteem and a busy job for a looong time, but inspite of all that, I am proud to have secured a night over drinks with a nice girl this weekend.

Only thing is, I feel im at an age where I ~should~ have been on many of these things. And yet I havent. So, I wanted to ask all you knowledgeable people out their for some advice on these things. . . .

1.) Should I pick her up at her place, or just meet her at the bar?

2.) What is one to do if conversation grinds to a halt?

3.) Its just drinks. Its not dinner, or a long movie or anything, but how long can I expect something like this to last?

4.) What is a good “exit strategy?” I doubt I will (ahem) wake up the next morning at her place, but if I am interested in her, what is the best way to let her know? Is it proper to walk her home? How long, after the date, should I wait to call her?

5.) Who should pay for the drinks?

6.) Is it sappy to do stuff like hold open doors for her?

7.) Any other Ettiquette I should be briefed on?

8.) Any drinks that a guy can order that immediately get a girl thinkin’ God, what a loser? :slight_smile:

I expect most of this stuff probably boils down to common sense but Im really nervous.

2

Some of it might actually boil down to what she wants to do - and what you want to do. Have you asked her “Should I pick you up [at this place] or meet you there?” Do you think she wants you to open the door for her? Some people (regardless of gender) like it, some don’t. I have barely dated more than you, so I really don’t know about conversation, and I don’t drink alcohol, so I have no idea about a girly drink … and some of that might be her perspective as much as anything. If you’re driving back from the place, I personally would rather be labeled a girly drinker than end up in a hospital - or a jail. But that’s just me.

3

1.) Should I pick her up at her place, or just meet her at the bar?
Ask her which she’d prefer.

2.) What is one to do if conversation grinds to a halt?
Change the subject. Find something else to talk about. You don’t know each other at all, I presume, which means you have everything to find out about each other. Ask her about herself, if all else fails. People LOVE to talk about themselves.

3.) Its just drinks. Its not dinner, or a long movie or anything, but how long can I expect something like this to last?
What, you got a hot date or something afterwards? :stuck_out_tongue:

The thing with drinks is…sometimes it’ll be a 30 minute session where you just don’t connect and sometimes you get the Intimiate Soul Connection Where You Close The Place Down.

4.) What is a good “exit strategy?” I doubt I will (ahem) wake up the next morning at her place, but if I am interested in her, what is the best way to let her know? Is it proper to walk her home? How long, after the date, should I wait to call her?
Say something like, “I’d like to see you again sometime. Is there a good time for you?” Then you can find out some level of interest. If you’re getting good vibes, offer to walk her home. This shows you’re polite enough to offer AND you’re polite enough to ask. Something like, “Would you like me to walk you home?”

5.) Who should pay for the drinks?
I think you should make the move to, but if she wants to pay herself, then let her.

6.) Is it sappy to do stuff like hold open doors for her?
It depends. This pisses some off because it’s saying they’re not able to do it themselves. Others think it’s charming. Others just don’t care.

7.) Any other Ettiquette I should be briefed on?
Don’t drink too much. Or, only drink too much if you know that you don’t get weepy or obnoxious or hit on other women when you’re drunk.

8.) Any drinks that a guy can order that immediately get a girl thinkin’ God, what a loser? :slight_smile:
Stay away from anything pink or tropical. My GF still gives me crap about some pink drink I wound up ordering that had a name like “Voodoo” or something. It was tasty, dammit! :smiley:

4

Her place, if possible.

Don’t get too stressed out, play by your ears. Don’t worry too much with a bit of “dead air.”

Depends.

Again, it depends. If you hit it off with her really well, you could ask her right there. Something like, “Would you like to go watch Return of the King Friday night?” As for walking her home, it again depends. However I don’t think she will be offended if you do so.

You, unless she asks to pay her her own.

Unless she’s a rabid feminazi, she’d like little things like this. BUT, what you can do is to just display courtesy where it is called for. If you hold doors open, say, don’t just do it for her specifically, and ignore that person in a wheelchair.

Bah, if she thinks that, I’d drop her like a hot potato if I were you.

5

It’s not just drinks, it’s a date. If you make out like it is not a big deal it won’t be.

IMHO you should pay for the drinks. Don’t forget to tip the barman.

Ettiquette - don’t talk about your problems but you can let her talk about hers.

It is all common sense, just be yourself but plan the evening - have a beginning , a middle and an end. That means pick her up or meet her somewhere other than the bar. I have arranged to meet at the Museum of Comtemporary Art in Sydney for a quick look around before it closes at 5. It is right at Circular Quay and I’ve never been with anyone who has been before. People are amazed at what is there and it’s free. Then there are lots of places to have a drink and if she doesn’t have plans you can suggest dinner. A good plan for after dinner is to do something she will like on the way home. For example on a date years ago my date talked about her childhood by the sea and how she missed the ocean living in suburbia. After dinner I drove her to Tamarama beach (great place, except for swimming) and she was happy to stroll around barefoot in the surf for half an hour even though it was dark.

Now that I think about it most movies present dates like that - beginning, middle, end.

6

1.) Should I pick her up at her place, or just meet her at the bar?
-Your call. If it’s not too much trouble, pick her up.
2.) What is one to do if conversation grinds to a halt?
-Say something, but not anything. Say something to provoke a new thread of conversation. Ask a question. There is plenty you don’t know about her. Think of some. Involve what her interests are, her job, what she’s wearing, what she’s been doing, current events, you know, stuff. Talk about what you’d talk about with anyone else.
3.) Its just drinks. Its not dinner, or a long movie or anything, but how long can I expect something like this to last?
-hope for the best. Don’t be a dick. Just kidding. I bet you’re not a dick. Take it easy.
4.) What is a good “exit strategy?” I doubt I will (ahem) wake up the next morning at her place, but if I am interested in her, what is the best way to let her know? Is it proper to walk her home? How long, after the date, should I wait to call her?
-How to show interest? Sometimes it’s apparent, sometimes it’s subtle. You are going out with her. Don’t wait too long but don’t be too eager. Occupy yourself with something.
5.) Who should pay for the drinks?
-You. It’s nice. And drinks are cheap.
6.) Is it sappy to do stuff like hold open doors for her?
-No. It is nice. Do it.
7.) Any other Etiquette I should be briefed on?
-Be nice.
8.) Any drinks that a guy can order that immediately get a girl thinkin’ God, what a loser?
-Seabreeze. Just kidding. Don’t be so hard on yourself or too self conscious. Those are bad things to be
I expect most of this stuff probably boils down to common sense but Im really nervous.
-Cut it out.

7

Guy here.

First off, don’t concern yourself too much with what to do and what NOT to do. This girl needs to know who YOU are so don’t give her any false impressions by acting like somebody not.

1.) Should I pick her up at her place, or just meet her at the bar?

Personally I prefer if it’s a first date to meet them there. That way in case shit goes badly or she pisses you off; you can both just go your seprate ways thus saving you and her the awkward drive back to her house.

2.) What is one to do if conversation grinds to a halt?
This may sound prgmatic but start to talk about how you hate these awkward silences and that you never know what to do when faced with them. I like this tactic because I usually get a response like “ha, ha, yeah, me too. blah, blah blah” Ironicaly this usually jump starts the conversation again.

**3.) Its just drinks. Its not dinner, or a long movie or anything, but how long can I expect something like this to last? **
Go with your gut on this one. If you don’t feel any sparks then just cut it short.

**4.) What is a good “exit strategy?” I doubt I will (ahem) wake up the next morning at her place, but if I am interested in her, what is the best way to let her know? Is it proper to walk her home? How long, after the date, should I wait to call her? **

Again, speak your mind. This takes moxie I know, but whatcha gonna do? People aren’t mind readers you know. Just try not to sound too desprate or clingy when you do. a simple “Hey, I had a great time lets do this again” will do.

**5.) Who should pay for the drinks? **

If you invited her; you pay.

6.) Is it sappy to do stuff like hold open doors for her?

It’s not sappy, its just the thing to do. And by the way any girl that’s going to get “offended” by this has issues. Hence, you should stay away from them.

7.) Any other Ettiquette I should be briefed on?

Not ettiquette just advice. Just go in with a take it or leave it attitude. In other words don’t get all whiney if she tells you she can’t meet you next friday for date number two. just be like “well, alright whatever” kind of thing.

8.) Any drinks that a guy can order that immediately get a girl thinkin’ God, what a loser?

Again, this is another one of those things you shouldn’t give a damn about. If she doesn’t like what you drink; then F her.

8

My over all advice is to think of her as a potential friend. If you start picking out china patterns you’ll scare her away.
Remember, she is just like you. She wakes up with bad breath and tangled hair. She cleans her house, she does laundry Just like you.
Going into this, with that huge, neon DATE hanging out there, narrows the possibilities. Being friends first, gives you more to talk about after you … well, that’s enough. :cool:
Good Luck

9

In point of fact, despite some sympathy from me for your particular situation, your questions are superficial amd meaningless. Such questions suggest a shallow approach to the dating, mating and wooing interplay.

Forget about the details of ‘opening doors’, ‘pick her up/ meet’ and the like.

Be natural, interesting, interested, wicked and vivacious and find out as much about the sheila as you can. What you are doing is establishinging common ground for progression toward mating. Broad brush strokes work in the initial stage of ‘getting into her pants’. Details are a bore and distracting from the flirtation.

Forget the detail. Relax and find common ground. If there is no common ground, flip it and move on.