I have a real date!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

As opposed to a fake date, I suppose…? :dubious: Anyway, for those who aren’t all caught up with the story of my life, let’s make it short:

Broke up with boyfriend of one and a half years; realized that ex wasn’t that good of a catch anyway; decided to be a “loser” and look for dates online; chatted with some guys; one guy decided he liked the way I chatted; said guy asked if I would like to have coffee with him sometime…

So I gave him my cell phone number, told him to call me and he gave me a call earlier this week. Due to both of our busy schedules this week, we won’t have time to meet until Sunday. So, we cut that call short and he said he’d call me later this week. I wasn’t actually expecting him to give me a call back… thought maybe he thought I sounded weird on the phone. I don’t know, normal girl insecurities, I guess. Anyway, he called tonight!!! He asked if I would like to have dinner on Sunday! Of course, I said “Of course!”

After I got off the phone from an eight minute call (is that a good sign?), I went to the mirror and proceeded to talk to myself, it went something like this.

Ooookay, so he called, and he’s seen your picture, so he must be at least interested in getting to know you better, just take a deep breath, relax, smile and… OMG, WIPE THAT SHIT EATING GRIN OFF YOUR FACE!

Okay, shit eating grin is wiped off face, practice smiling normally! Aaaagh! Why can’t I smile normally?!

Worry about the smile later… think about what you are going to talk about during dinner! Holy shit, what AM I going to talk about?! It’s okay, just relax, you’ve been talking to him through email this whole time, and it’s been fine. Remember that eight minute conversation! But what if we already talked all there is to talk about?!!

Oookay, you know what, you can’t keep standing here doing this, so just go on the internet and look for some advice!

So that leads me to this thread. I’ve been in relationships before, but never really went on dates. I don’t know if anyone has had that happen to them too, because it is a little odd. Anyway, because of that, I never learned how to date properly! Help!

2

Just remember: you can’t kill and eat him until after you’ve finished mating.

3

Unless he’s into that sort of thing.

4

But I thought you had to bite the head off first to get him aroused?

5

Last I looked, the idea of dates was to have fun.

Also it’s important to have fun.

And, uh, hi Opal!

6

Sad and Deranged, I know how you feel. A couple of years ago, after a very long dry spell, I gave my phone number to a guy I knew and he actually asked me out! I asked for advice about it on a different board and let me give you the best piece of advice I got, given to me by our own Skip Magic: he doesn’t care about your shoes.

My advice to you is enjoy the company, do something fun, and don’t worry about where it will go. Just enjoy the ride. Oh yes, as for running out of things to talk about, I wouldn’t worry about it. While it has happened to me (on one notable occaision, halfway through the 1st date), if it’s as good as it looks now, things will sort themselves out. That fellow I gave my number to and I haven’t run out of things to talk about yet.

Have fun, and I hope it goes well!

7

In case you need help, here’s what I told my brother when he said “give me things to talk about” on a recent blind date:

Bananas
Tunisia
Leprosy

I mean, if you can’t fill a dinner hour with those conversation topics, it’s a pretty good sign it’s not worth pursuing the relationship!

8

Good luck. Enjoy yourself. :slight_smile:

9

Proving that Skip Magic is indeed twee :wink: . I would recommend black six inch heels. That certainly gets my attention.

10

Considering your user name, that’s rather impressive. :slight_smile:
I’ve gone on a few dates with guys I met online. Don’t make it into a big deal; you’re meeting someone to hang out with. Personally, I think the first real-life meeting is a bit early to decide whether you want to date someone or not. I decide whether I want to be friends with them first, then consider dating.

11

Thanks for all the advice!

Six inch heals… hmmm… would lace up hooker boots do? Heh

I’m still a bundle of nerves…

All those what-ifs!

Oh, but for a real question that I actually would like an answer to, what is your take on guy paying for the meal vs. girl paying for herself vs. whoever asked pays?

Technically, I suppose he asked me out on this date. He suggested going out for coffee in an email, but when he called, he suggested dinner. However, I don’t want to give off the vibe of “I’m looking for a free meal”, but at the same time, I don’t want to insult his manliness ( :rolleyes: ) by offering to pay for myself. Sooooo, what do I do???

12

What I always do is bring money, go for the wallet when the check comes, and wait to see if he says, “No, no. My treat.” If the date has gone well, I say. “Ok, great! Thanks! Next time it’s on me!” (Sneaky, eh? I have hereby assured him I want another date without anyone risking being the one to ask and get shot down.) If the date is horrid, I’ll insist on paying half, laying my money on the table and walking away if needed.

13

[Disclaimer: this advice comes from the terminally dateless…so take it for what it’s worth.]

He invited you out on the date–specifically, to dinnner–so in lieu of any other consideration, it’s his bill. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with offering to go dutch (and regardless of who had what, just offer to split the check in half…don’t wrangle over nickels) and it’s a good gesture to show that you’re not looking to take advantage (or be taken advantage of), but if he insists on picking it up, let him do so without protest. It should go without saying (but I’ll say it anyway) that this doesn’t obligate you to anything, regardless of who pays how much, but if you want a return engagement, WhyNot’s suggestion is a good way of implying it and rolling the ball onto his side of the court.

Any dude that gets insulted 'cause you offered to pay half the check doesn’t have much in the way of manliness to begin with.

Good luck to you.

Stranger

14

Offer to pay half/you share(once). If he refuses, offer to pick up the tip. If he refuses let it go.

Brian

15

My take on it is it should be 50-50, at least over all. However, the gentleman I gave my phone number to a couple of years ago believes the man should pay all the time. I eventually gave in on this one because it matters more to him, although I have managed to pay for his meal a few times.

I like WhyNot’s approach, and I’ve done something similar on a 1st date. If nothing else, look at it this way – it does give you one more thing to talk about.

You will let us know how it went tomorrow, right?

16

AHEM! So how did it go, already?

17

I just found this thread but now I must know. Don’t leave us hanging.

18

Actually, that was Ranger who said that. The glorious wisdom I volunteered (in relation to Ranger’s advice about the shoes) was:

:smiley:

19

My, my, aren’t you a nosy bunch!

Anyway, to fill all you nosy busy-bodies in on the date that happened on Sunday:

It wasn’t too terribly bad, but at the same time, it wasn’t very exciting either.

I got dressed up in a nice low-cut black and red top with a black skirt and knee high boots, minimal but enhancing make-up, and prepared myself to just chat and get to know the guy.

He wasn’t much of a talker, I was nervous as hell, so I kept talking and talking and talking, mostly about things that didn’t even matter. Like, the Simpsons, or Family Guy, or how Futurama was going to be back on the air soon. Maybe he was shy, or maybe he was expecting someone different, but he just didn’t seem too… interested.

Oh, when the bill came, I did as WhyNot suggested, and reached for my wallet (slower than normal speed). He didn’t stop me from paying my share, and we both paid cash, so altogether, we left $35 for a $25 bill. :smack: At least the waitress made off well from that night’s events!

After dinner, we walked back to our respective cars, which by coincidence was parked right next to each other! As we said our goodbyes, he said if I wanted to chat or anything, just send him a email or whatever, but then informed me that he was going to be pretty busy for the next couple of weeks as he’s preparing to move and everything. Yeah, buddy. I know what that’s code for: I’m not all that interested in getting to know you better, even as a friend. I thought to myself.

So, we both drove off in our cars, probably not intending to contact each other again, unless by some freak coincidence, in the future, he responds to another one of my online profiles on another site and we meet up with each other before realising that we’ve already met up before (seriously, happened to a friend of mine).

Although it didn’t turn out to be romantic or as fun as I hoped it will be, I still think it was a pretty good experience. At least now I know how awkward meeting up with someone can feel, and I’m fully prepared for that for any more dates in the future! The worst has probably yet to come, but that was a pretty good first date experience.

P.S. thanks SkipMagic for fixing the coding of my OP. I KNEW I should have previewed!

20

I’m old, and old-fashioned, but no matter how poor I was and no matter how bad the date was going, I would never have let a woman split the bill.

Now get off my lawn!