[The following responses are the opinions of an inexpert. The responder is male, however, if that’s any help ;).]
<DL><DT>How long should I wait for a contact to ask to meet me? I’m sort of expecting about one week, or two e-mails. Should I ask him out if it’s longer, or continue to wait?
<DD>Unless you are talking about how often to do laundry, anything more than a week is too long. Anything less than a week is too short. Men are stupud and are likely to be spooked if you seem too eager too early in the relationship (I speak from experience, having been one for 2 score years). Mind you, not all men are spooked by such behavior, and they come in two types:
[list=1][li]The confident, level-headed sort who recognizes that you are interested and don’t like to waste time pretending to be coy;[/li]
[li]The devious exploiter of women who sees your undisguised interest as a green light to exploit you as much as you will allow.[/list=1][/li]
<DD>Alas, I can’t advise you how to tell one from the other, but as long as you do not put up with asinine behavior, you will tend to disabuse the second sort of any notion that you are an easy mark before very long, and they will usually depart on their own, to seek out easier prey.
<DT>If I ask him out, should I pay? (remember, this is Texas)
<DD>Why shouldn’t you? After all this is the nineties (for a few more days, anyhow). If he offers to pay, however, I don’t see why you shouldn’t take him up on it.
<DT>What is better for a first meeting date? Out for dinner, or meet for coffee? If it’s coffee, should I expect him to pay, dutch or play it by ear? If he wants to go dutch, is he cheap?
<DD>The advice given above regarding movie then dinner can not be improved upon, so I won’t even try.
<DT>If I’m in contact with more than one guy, do I tell my date that I have other prospects (so to speak)? If so, at what point? What if my date is encouraging me to talk about other guys? On the first date?
<DD>When do you tell your date you have other prospects? If he’s a complete ass, tell him right away. If he doesn’t make his excuses and leave immediately, it is either because he’s too dense to hear that you’ve told him you’re already looking for his replacement (which is what you will have told him, regardless of your intent) or he is looking for a graceful way to make his exit without looking like more of a fool than he already feels like.
<DD>If he is asking, it could either be that he is trying to figure out how desperate you are (he’ll ask more questions, I’m certain – that bit of info is not enough to go on all by itself) or is trying to make conversation and doesn’t know better.
<DD>Unless you’ve been together long enough to trust one another, it is poor form (to say the least) to bring up the subject of other people you might rather be with than the person you’re with. On a first date, it’s rude for either person to bring the subject up except under very unusual circumstances.
<DD>Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if your date started talking about all the other women who are just lined up and waiting to take your place – even if he doesn’t put it in precisely those terms. It’s insensitive, at the very least. Calling such behavior “rude” is more polite than they deserve.
<DT>How should I dress? My figure is such that I look better dressed up a little.
<DD>Dress appropriately for the activity you will be enjoying on your date. If he gives you a choice in the matter, opt for the activity that allows you to dress up. If it becomes serious, he will only care peripherally how you look, unless your appearance indicates poor health, injury or sickness, in which case his concern will not be your appearance, but your wellbeing.
<DD>If he says anything derogatory about your appearance, he’s an idiot or a fool. If he doesn’t realize he’s being a fool in a very short time, he’s a jerk. Do not suffer such behavior any longer than necessary. Show him the door (he may require directions).
<DD>DO NOT ask “Does this make my butt look big?” (nor any question like it.) There is no correct answer to this question. Imagine what the right answer could possibly be, and remember what I said above about men being stoopid. Even if there is a correct answer, our neurons are incapable of formulating that reply. The only way you might expect hear it is if he is clairvoyant (very, VERY unlikely) or if you handed him a crib sheet before you threw this pop quiz at him.
<DD>If he’s not overly stupid, he will complement you on how nice you look without being prompted. If he doesn’t, perhaps he’s not what you need, anyway.
<DT>Let’s say I like the guy and want to go out with him again. So far, I’ve been sent a message to the person, telling him how much I enjoyed the date & asking him for another date - my treat. Is this appropriate, too much or too little?
<DD>Sounds about right to me. I’d like to know if the person I was dating was interested in me, and nowadays, it’s the asker who’s expected to pick up the tab, unless it’s clearly understood otherwise.
<DD>I wouldn’t give the other person too many invitations, however, as he might misinterpret this as an invitation to use you, rather than an opportunity to get to know you better. One second chance is all you should allow. If he doesn’t seem interested, it’s probably because he isn’t interested. He either doesn’t know how to tell you this without being insulting, or he’s a jerk who, though not interested, is willing to string you along until he finds a better prospect.
<DT>Would it be appropriate to kiss him on the cheek at the end of the date, if he’s not making any moves?
<DD>The advice given above is better than any I could tell you. He’s either not interested, or he doesn’t want to risk overwhelming you too early in the relationship. Of course, if this is the seventh date and he’s still showing no interest, find a replacement for him. He’s either a jerk or hopelessly unable to express emotion.
<DD>How many times would you take your cup to a faucet if you could never get any water out of it? How long would it take you to realize there is probably another faucet somewhere that works?
<DT>Now let’s say I really like the guy and I’m tired of sitting in restaurants. So I invite him back to my place. What does this tell him?
<DD>This probably tells him “I want to have sex”. Remember – very few neurons, and many of those dedicated to sex, for good or ill. Of course, if bringing him to your place means bringing him to a place with other people in it (like children or grandma, etc.), it might suggest that you were considering him as a prospective marriage partner. Carefully observe his reactions. This will tell you a lot about him, especially if you’ve been dating him a while.
<DT>Should I offer him a drink if he comes over?
<DD>It’s the polite thing to do. Why not?
<DT>What should I have: I expect I should have coffee (regular & decaf) anything else?
<DD>I prefer soda (sugar free & decaf) or tea (decaf) unless it’s morning, but that’s just me. Sometimes a glass of water is all I need. He should politely accept what you have to offer, unless he has special health concerns. If he suggests something you don’t have, he should gracefully accept that you don’t have it. If he complains, he is not being a gracious guest.
<DT>Should I offer a sweet like cookies or brownies?
<DD>The advice given above is better than any I could offer. Of course, if you had enticed him over with an offer of milk and cookies…
<DT>One person that I went out with I was very, very attracted to. Frankly, I was quite willing to go to bed with him at the end of our one date. Maybe this isn’t sensible, but how do communicate this?
<DD>This depends. All forms of birth control have something called a failure rate. The condom (when used properly – but who do you know with a diploma in condom use?) has a failure rate of about 1% last I checked. Every other form of contraception has