Don’t ask me. I know less than anyone here.
-PIGEONMAN-
Hero For A New Millennium!
The Legend Of PigeonMan - Back in the new year! Honest. I promise. No, really.
Lots of excellent advice above (including yours, Surgoshan, no need to feel sheepish), but I’ll add my $.02 worth to the sex on 1st date discussion. Of course women are sexual beings and of course there is nothing wrong with sexual urges-- for persons you just met, total strangers, even imaginary people. The question is whether it is wise to act on those urges, be you male or female. Hey, I’m not gonna preach. I’m not making a moral judgement call. Just check some of my earlier posts to get a hint of my outrageous behavior in the past. I do, however, agree with the following observations:
1. If either party is overly eager to hit the sack, it sends the message that:
(a)you’re just in it for the sex
or
(b)you’re unable to postpone physical gratification
or
©you feel intimate towards strangers readily
2. Sex is fun; lovemaking is indescribably wonderful. If the focus is mainly on the sex early in the relationship, it tends to remain in the physical realm. In other words, rushing the sex takes away some of its magic and power.
3. While not all men are dogs, most dogs are men. Unless you are also a dog, don’t encourage the sniff-n-hump routine. These guys don’t need that kind of confidence-boosting.
4. There are exceptions to every rule. Your mileage may vary.
Great advice and input from everyone here. All I have to say to Zyada is, take it easy and be yourself. Oh yes, and Byzantines words are excellent:
It might not hit you for a day or weeks (even months) after the fact of why so and so gave you the willies, but trust your instincts.
Everytime I’ve gone against my inner voice I’ve ended up kicking myself in the ass. You’d think I’d have a flat butt by now.
Before this gets completely out of hand, let me clarify some things:
I’m a big girl, I can decide whether I want sex on the first date or not. I have condoms beside my bed. Good points on how it will be perceived by the other party - it’s like an interview, until they know that’s not normal for you, they think that’s normal for you.
I am aware that if I invite a man to my house, that I should anticipate him wanting to make love to me. I was not aware of how strong a message I was sending - thanks. (Although, in the case of Dwayne, it wasn’t necessarily the wrong message 
) OTOH, at home, I know where the weapons are. And the sword over the mantle might give some men pause…
As far as the internet thing goes, that’s why my personal benchmark is only one or two weeks of emails. If that much. After that, I want to see the person, in person, in a well-lit, quiet environment. No bars, nor movies (sorry): 7% of communication is in words, 23% is voice tone, 70% is body language – I want to see that body language. I consider myself to be, in effect, meeting a total stranger. I was just trying to get a feel for whether that was the norm for others.
What I really have a problem with is (are?) the social niceties.
I do want to thank y’all for all the nice responses so far.
…in a state so nonintuitive it can only be called weird…
I do trust my instincts. I call it people sense, and I’ve had it confirmed several times by events or other people. I can spot the users, slimeballs, jerks, compulsive liars and assholes a mile away & they will make me nauseous. I can even usually tell you why they aren’t right for me.
Nor do I have any problems being myself. This is usually what gets me in trouble. 
Oh, and handy? were you offering?
Honestly, I would love to date someone I met on this board. On the same conditions as the personals, you’re really a complete stranger to me until I’ve met you face to face. And (sorry, handy) I won’t do long distance relationships. 
zyada, are you cereal?
You give wordsonly 7%? I wonder why we even bother with them. Or how this board works at all. Maybe you were exaggerating for effect…and since I detected no voice tone or body language, I missed it.
I give words 40% and the other two 30% each.
I live in Texas and have been raised with tradional southern manners I suppose, but if a woman asked me out and wanted to pay I’d be very flattered. Although, I must admit it isn’t easy for me to let other people pay, so I couldn’t let her make a habit out of it, unless she is really rich :-p I’m 37 and live near Dallas and I have met several people off of the internet. Some were good some were bad, no true romance yet though, but I have hope 
Seems a lot of people are out to meet people just for sex and I guess I’ve matured in my old age and realize there’s so much more to life then that. I see no reason to not trust people from the internet any more or less then you would someone you met in a bar or a park or wherever. Just be honest about what you like and what you look like and don’t send someone a glamour shot picture unless you really look that good. I wish you well in your endeavors! Ciao!
PitBullDawg
Wait just a damn minute here.
I DID make an assumption; that our original poster was dating with an eye towards a possible serious relationship and not just surfing for sex; if that was a mistake on my part, my apologies to all.
I never said anything about women not being sexual beings, about not expressing yourself, not wanting sex, not following your feelings.
TennHippie summed it up very nicely. All I add to that is what I said before: if you feel the urge to merge with someone that is close to being a total stranger, take a second to check out what’s going on with yourself. That’s not sublimation, that’s just good sense.
Sure, might be someone who really appreciates that you dig them so much . . . then again, might be someone who just wanted to get lucky one night. If that’s all there is to it on both sides, great, but know what you’re getting – or not.
What I advocate is NOT “dreaming about Prince Charming” . . . just the opposite. Stuff like “love at first sight” (nearly typed “love at first sigh,” that’s appropriate too! )that’s the plot of books and movies but not a part of most people’s real life experiences. I’m not denying there’s people that meet cute and etc. just like this, but they are the exception rather than the rule.
Relationships that start in that sort of deep fantasy tend to wreck on the rocks of reality. Now, if you’re cool with that and still want some stuff, drive on, then.
I’m not saying you should sublimate any feelings you might have . . . or ignore strong sexual signals. Be aware, totally aware, don’t let those very nice feelings blind you to what’s going on around you. Investigate what you’re feeling . . .know what you’re doing and why.
your humble TubaDiva
Nice try, Tuba, but you are not playing fair with your own comments. Here’s what you actually said:
If you can convincingly argue that this doesn’t mean it’s wrong for women to be interested in sex without being in love first, by all means I’d like to hear it.
Live a Lush Life
Da Chef
Well, let’s see, I’ve had sex before the first date, on the first date and also after the first date. Course that was back in the 80s so it was safer. Never used a condom & never caught anything either. Except a couple babies. ooops!
These days a condom falling off or splitting can be leThal.
While there’s exceptions to everything and I’m not discounting the rare female that feels just like a man and acts accordingly (btw, men usually refer to those women as “sluts” and it ain’t no compliment), but for a ton of reasons (mostly societal but with some genetic hardwiring thrown in), usually women do not, um, let the little head do all the thinking for them.
In women’s cases, I guess that means the REALLY little head. <g>
I didn’t intend to say it was wrong to feel sexual so fast – geez, it’s one of the nicest feelings I can think of, who wouldn’t want to feel that way? – but it’s important to check yourself out to see what your true motives are. It’s especially true for women; while men can get excited over a passing derriere on the street (the dears), usually women need a little familiarity first.
Actually, it’s probably a good idea for everybody to look before they leap, so to speak: “Why am I feeling this way? What, if anything, is behind it?” Check yourself out before you do something you might regret later.
Maybe that’s what I should have said instead of my first response, which was based more on reaction and less on pure thought. And, sad to say, based on real, painful experience.
your humble TubaDiva
“Life isn’t what should be, it’s what is.”-- Lenny Bruce
I just recently got back into the dating scene after being married to a psycho hose-beast. So my opinion might be a bit mutated.
What was said earlier was good. Be your self, wear what makes you comfortable, and bringing him back to your place will make him expect some nookie.
But you will know your man when you come across him. But don’t hold your breath. That is why it is important to date. To keep your spirit/ego in “shape”.
It is hard to get away from the stage performance of a first date, and go more towards just enjoying your self. But ya gotta have a good time.
red wine is a good thing!!!
tuba diva, it’s totally beyond me where you got the idea that women were hardwired differently than men. any difference in reaction is most definitely societally influenced. i’m boggled that you could say, & then defend, otherwise. stunning.
This is getting WAAAY off the topic (and let’s stop that, or start a new one).
You don’t believe that thousands of years of human existence hasn’t produced some changes?
Think that Darwin was only right where animals were concerned? We’re as subject to evolution as every other creature on this planet. The roles of men and women evolved over time and produced changes, just like everything else around here.
NOTE: THIS IS NOT AN ATTEMPT TO GET INTO AN ARGUMENT OVER EVOLUTION OR ANYTHING ELSE, FOR THAT MATTER.
Men and women are not interchangeable and don’t think or act alike on everything.
BTW, this does not mean that men and women are not equal beings, just that we’re different.
your humble TubaDiva
How come when a woman meets a guy she thinks that he is everything that she ever wanted in a man; but when they split, all of a sudden, he is the opposite of that?
well, i don’t think it’s off-topic at all as you are the one who jumped on zyada’s statement that she has had at least one spontaneous sexual urge toward someone she met for the first time by saying she had it backwards. love comes first, then sex. (then presumably “marriage & here comes zyada w/ the baby carriage.”) you’ve now said pretty much the same thing twice. & you are defending it again w/ some aside into evolution. huh?
how about a little closer to home. ever heard of the kinsey reports or master & johnson’s studies?
sorry to hear you personally had some rocky relationships; who hasn’t? but your reticence & warnings about a possible new one–understandable tho it may be–is no reason to try to redefine all women.
& i daresay you will find precious little support for such a definition. male or female, a good-looking ass of the opposite sex (or same sex for those of us so inclined) is enough. love or no, male or female, we’re good to go.
(disclaimer: morals aside. i’m not going there.)
I think HANDY made the point of the week. My way of putting it…but kissing turns into but bitting.
handy - maybe because when a guy meets a woman, he’ll do anything to get her into bed, but eventually he stops doing anything for her at all!
Actually that holds true for both sexes.
[Inexpert opinion follows…]
What I dislike about the one-night-stand is this: even when both partners think the other person is just in it for the sex, one of them might have been looking for something more.
The above situation can have a multitude of outcomes, but the ones that spring to mind are as follows (assuming the two are complete strangers prior to their encounter):
<DL><DT>One of the partners experiences “love at first sight” (perhaps after the fact).
<DD>If the other partner doesn’t feel the same way, one of them will be terribly disappointed. If you’re particularly unfortunate, the disappointed one will become obsessive and may become a stalker [long odds on that one, to be sure, but it’s something to consider, nonetheless].
<DD>If both of them feel the same way, odds are that both of them will be disappointed (I know exceptions to the rule, but they are rare examples of the case).</DL>
–Baloo
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
– Ambrose Bierce
http://members.tripod.com/~Bob_Baloo/index.htm