Friday night, $2,000 at the casino

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I walked into my hotel room, and sat down. Lights still off, except for the nightlight in the bathroom. I poured a shot of whiskey, fidgeted with my gun, peeped into my empty wallet and weeped.

Alright, that didn’t happen. I was just reminded of a mental health awareness video I saw once that had very poor acting. Plus I can’t legally bring a freaking gun in this lame ass state.

What did happen:

There’s this new fucking slot. Five different colored columns that move up. Once a column reaches the very top, you go into a bonus round. 10 free spins with a bunch of wilds. The red column has the best bonus and the most potential to make the most money. That column also moves the slowest, it turns out. I knew that, but I didn’t know it move -that- slowly.

So, I found a machine that had a red column less than an inch away from the top. I hopped on, started pumping Benjamin’s like it was the American Revolution. It was my first time ever playing this game and didnt bother to analyzing it. I pumped about seven. And I didnt even put in my players card because I thought it would be an instant win. Gone! I was fucking livid and blood rushed to my face. I was like fuck this machine! I’m NOT GOING TO LEAVE THIS CASINO UNTIL THIS FUCKING GAME PAYS ME. I ran back to my car to get 13 more Benjamin’s. I don’t like to keep large amounts of cash on me for self-discipline reasons. I don’t want to spend more than $300 per session. But I won $400 earlier that evening and kept it in my wallet, so $700 total. Mistake! I left my ATM card in my hotel room, that was the best/only good decision I made yesterday.

I LOST my ass. That machine sucked my wallet dry like a vampire bat sucking blood from livestock. I smacked the slot machine and stormed out the casino. I walked out to my car saying GOTDAMMITGOTDAMMITGOTDAMMIT GOTDAMMITGOTDAMMITGOTDAMMIT!

On the way back to another casino where I have my hotel room, I stopped by White Castle. Purchased the sammiches some change I had in my car. I’m not supposed to eat meat. But God it was tasty! I listened to Papa Roach and Cold Play, and sighed repeatedly. When I got back to my hotel room I ate some ice cream purchased down at the front desk. I’m lactose intolerant. Then plopped into my bed and fired up the most raunchy porn I could find and hate-fucked myself until I got sleepy. Woke up feeling like crap, because of the lost money and a tummy ache.

I was open to only losing up to $300 last night. Lost $2K instead. I was NOT supposed to add that extra $400 into the machine. I was NOT supposed to go in my car and get the other $1300. I should’ve left that behind in my hotel room along with my ATM card. I’m always scared to leave cash in my room because I have experienced theft from housekeepers in the past. But that has only happened twice.

I think I officially have a problem.

This is not a cry for help. I have not hit rock bottom. More of an accountability thing? And I just like to write! I highly doubt I have a gambling addiction. My gaming has been in control for ages. Me losing larger amounts of money is relatively a new thing. What has changed is the (higher) volatility of these games. My understanding is that addiction involves craving. I’m addicted to my phone. I crave my phone intensely, whenever I don’t have access. Gaming? Out of sight, out of mind. I don’t miss gambling AT ALL when I’m away. If it weren’t for the comped rooms I live in and freeplay coupons, I would stop going to casinos and never look back.

My issue is putting down the brakes. When things get bad, I can’t STOP. When I see a real or perceived opportunity, something in me ignites. I’m in for the kill, entirely in the present. No consideration of past mistakes nor future consequences. I whip out what ever cash I have on me and then pounce at lightning speed. Sometimes I don’t even put in my players card to rack up points for future comps. I just know that I will make an instant win! (and it doesn’t happen and sitting at that slot two hours later).

My temperament is no match for these high volatility games. The highs make me too excited. Like they have permanently altered my brain. I now EXPECT these large wins everytime I play. And I get very upset when I don’t win. I had no issues dealing with loses back in the day. They were smaller and much less frequent. I need to adjust my bankroll management and perhaps anger management. Putting this into practice is difficult.

2

That was rough to read. I hope you find peace

3

I cannot comment on your post, really—I have little to no knowledge of addictions. I do hope that you can get whatever help you need. If it makes you feel any better, I did not do well at the horse racetrack today.

But I have to say that this …

… sounds like it would make a great first paragraph to a 1940s detective novel. I like it; very well-written!

4

Yeah. I’ve been worried for you.

You know we spoke about it.
You’ve won half the battle, by realizing this may be a problem.
Keep on top of it.

Two things, when you get started and cannot stop yourself , that is addiction.
2nd, Blaming the machines for you not being able to stop, that is addiction. The machines can’t be to blame.
IMHO.

I wish you well.

5

This is insightful.

Your psyche is just like everyone else’s. What’s different is that now the games can be written to be far more addictive. It takes somebody who’s very addiction-prone to get hooked on 1950s spinning reel slot machines. The new machines can turn a high-discipline player into an addict overnight.

More than bankroll management, what you need to learn is to never play those kinds of games. Sure they’ve got the blinkiest lights and the highest headline payout. But all those payouts are chickenscratch compared to Powerball. And you don’t find yourself hooked on that. Because you know in your cold-blooded odds-driven gambler’s heart that Powerball has truly astronomical odds against. It’s a sucker’s game and you don’t play those. Except for the game you got suckered into last night.

The sucker games are only going to get bigger and better and easier to fall for as time goes on. Learn to never touch those or you may well enact your first paragraph some cold dark winter night.

6

Then you are being perfectly played. Especially since nobody expects that by pumping a bunch of money into a fruit machine, or roulette for that matter, you will end up with more money than you started with: Gambler's ruin - Wikipedia That is taking into account those large wins, it should be noted.

7

To put it simply, you will definitely lose the entirety of whatever wad you started with, so take that into account and enjoy the free drinks or whatever.

8

I remember reading once that various forms of trolling fishing are successful not because the lure appeals to the fish’s hunger, but because it triggers aggression. The fish takes the bait because it’s agitated.

Clearly, the design of that slot is based on the psychology of trolling.

9

I stopped gambling years ago when I realized the odds were stacked against me, and always will be. If it’s fun for you to gamble, whether you win or lose, and you can afford it, that’s one thing, but you should never expect to win.You should expect to lose and cap your losses, even if it means you finish much earlier than you planned to. Some people can afford to lose thousands of dollars at casinos in hopes of being a big winner. I sure couldn’t. Never bring more money with you then you can afford to lose and still consider it entertainment.

10

That is the saddest part of this story.

Stranger

11

I wish you luck in coping with your gambling addiction.
My understanding is that Nevada law means slot machines must pay out 90% of what gets put in.

I decided long ago to never gamble, but put my money into stuff that pays interest.
That’s worked pretty well - I bought a house in my thirties and retired in my late fifties.

I have visited Vegas several times - the hotel rooms are good value, there’s plenty of food and the shows featuring singing, comedy and magic are great.
I have never gambled a penny in Vegas…

12

That is very much an addiction. Being unable to stop once you begin is one of the biggest indications of addiction. Trying to think up reasons why it’s not an addiction is a common thing people addictions grab onto. Focus instead on how to stop gambling in the first place. You need to get help.

13

Right, and 5 weeks from now we’ll get another creative writing 401 paper.

14

But this one did have a catchy lede.

15

It’s worse than that.

16

This is what tells me it’s an addiction. We logically know that machines aren’t “due”, but the addiction tells us that if one just plays long enough, it will all be okay when it finally comes back our way.

17

You aren’t wrong about that. Like many things these days, AI probably has a hand in slot programming and design now. I’ve seen these slots do some things I have never seen before. Certain slots within the last two decades or so have some kind of “tell” that you’re approaching a bonus round. Like the slot I was playing friday night. That red column was about a foot long and less than one centimeter from the top. If that would to be an older slot, that column would’ve striked the top within 20 spins probably. And maybe $50 into the machine. No way it would’ve taken in $2K and still not strike.

Fuck these games, im sticking to the older and less volatile ones.

18

Beck and needscoffee,

Yes Beck, I remember chatting with you over PM a few months ago. Thanks for your concern. But I’m afraid that my case isn’t that cut and dried. I still doubt I am an addict. And if I am one, my presentation would be atypical. I have a lot of things going on with me. My “gambling” is a side hustle and I get comped free rooms. I essentially live in hotel rooms. I cant just quit. Granted, I have not made a lot of money, but I wouldn’t say that the money won was insignificant. So what you guys are suggesting is like telling a bartender who works and lives at a resort to suddenly quit, because his drinking gets out of control occasionally.

Not being able to stop destructive behavior isn’t just an addiction thing, it’s also an impulse control thing. I have poor impulse control sometimes. Probably due to my ADHD. I don’t always take my medication, and when I do I seldomly take my whole pill. I could try taking my medication as prescribed and on a regular basis to see if things improve. There’s a link between ADHD and addictive behavior. Oftentimes the addictive behavior diminishes once and ADHD person seeks treatment.

19

Says who? Who is we? How do you define “aren’t due”? Sounds like you are only referring to a slot’s reels. Yes, those are random and you cant predict when they are due. But when it comes to bonus rounds some slots have a “tell” to let you know the bonus is near. What you do is tailgate the person who is playing the slot before you. When they hop off, you hop on and snatch the bonus. Then you cash out. It’s a hit and run thing.

20

Not trying to be your Mom, or something, I am concerned about your denials.

That’s such a classic sign of addiction.

“If I would just… or if I changed this… I don’t have this…I would win that great pot o’ gold. Life would be perfect.”

I’ve heard all the excuses.
Half my family were gambling addicts, at points in their lives. None. Not one ever retired on their winnings. Or had much at all.
My Daddy was a gambler. He was probably addicted. He had too many kids to have much cash to toss in a slot machine.
He was a good horse player and accomplished poker player.
His winnings went to feed and clothe children.
He had a bunch of disposable income in his later years. Went to the track everyday it was running.

I worry about you. I really do.
Why exactly do you not want to take the ADHD meds?

(ETA, I told you I wouldn’t bother you in your threads about this, but you did ask this time. Sorry)