Friedo's ten fundamental truths of life

The BBQ Pit
1

Most people take their whole lives to learn this stuff, but since I am superior to them in every way, I know them already, and, because I am a nice guy, I will share them with you.

  1. No one gives a shit.
  2. Effort doesn’t count.
  3. You can’t have the women in magazines.
  4. Your bill collectors don’t care if you’re down on your luck (see #1)
  5. 90% of everything is shit
  6. If your child needs a role model, and you’re not it, you’re both fucked (thanks George Carlin)
  7. You have no control over anything, except your attitude
  8. Say please and thank you.
  9. Pragmatism is better than optimism.
  10. No one gives a shit (see #1).

Thank you for your time, and I hope you benefit from these.

2

#5 above is also known as Sturgeon’s Law, after the writer who first propounded it…

3

Umm…am I the only one who sees a slight conflict here?

Friedo: lay off the modesty, dude, you’re no good at it.

4

I have actually done #3- and I have the rather personal autographs to prove it. Of course, I knew her before she was a model. I also (very breifly) had a “thing” with a porn star- Annie Sprinkles.

Next- I DO give a shit.

“Thank you” for reading this. :smiley:

5

You have control over that idiotic space hogging bandwidth wasting signature line of yours. So how about dropping it?

6

As Danielinthewolvesden proved (well done, that man!):

someone does get the women in magazines (it’s just not likely to be you).

How about adding:

  1. people aren’t numerate.
  2. No one gives a shit.
  3. People often repeat themselves.

Also you missed a vital one:

  1. get someone else to do the housework.
7
  1. You are NOT a beautiful and unique snowflake…you are the all singing all dancing crap of the world.
8

Done!

:smiley:

9

There are three kinds of people in this world: those that are good with numbers and those that aren’t.

10

I do give a shit . . . until I get bored. That’s when I take a nap.

. . . to anyone but yourself. Does it matter if anyone else is keeping track?

I can and I don’t see anything preventing you.
[/quote]

Creditors do respond well to anger. Try training yours.

Looking at the big picture, 100% of all things is shit at some point in time. Shit, therefore, is glorious. Revel in your shit. (Don’t ever tell anyone about the experience)

Children are evil. Scream obscenities at them and chase them into the forest with a pitchfork at every opportunity.

. . . and the life of the man against whose head you are holding the loaded gun.

. . . especially when robbing banks and going to war.

. . . provided one has no faith in his own ability to master and shape reality.

Hmm . . . Looks like it’s time for my nap.

11

Now that’s a signature line!

12

Tymp! That was magnificent! It brought tears of joy to my eyes! Especially 5 and 6:

This is the secret to life itself!

So true! So true!

E.B. White once said: “I wake up each morning wanting to change the world and also have one hell of a good time. Sometimes that makes planning the day a little bit difficult.”

Another fellow named J. Husband corrected it to read: “I wake up each morning wanting to change the world and also have one hell of a good time. So I turn over and go back to sleep, reminding myself that the first is not my job and I’m already doing the second.”

Tymp and J. Husband are my heroes!

13

“Whenever I feel down in the dumps, I get myself a little drinky-winky.”
-Dr. Jekyll

14

Slight conflict here: if 90% of everything is shit, but nobody gives a shit, where the hell is all this shit coming from?

15

Shit happens. :smiley:

16

I thought this was true until my brother picked up a beautiful busty model, with one cover on some women’s magazine.
He was slinging greasy-spoon three-alarm chili in Austin, and had no money, no car, no clothes or apartment, and an aw-shucks-maam personality. I could not fucking believe it! She was so far out of his league, but he got lucky. So now I think it’s possible and I’m planning to get a job slinging chili.