It does strike me as odd that, even after that disturbing link, most of the posts here are questioning the OP’s ‘unhealthy’ friendship with a 22-year-old man.
Freudian Slit, you couldn’t be more right. I hate even having to pull out the old chestnut of ‘What if that were your mother/girlfriend/daughter/sister?’ when guys are harassing or disrespecting women, because it assumes that males have no empathy unless they can specifically reference a relative or loved one. If you believe women are human rather than objects or set dressing, you don’t need to pretend they’re a blood relative to not want them to be treated like shit.
Yeah. After all this, it seems like the problem isn’t that the friend said these creepy things. It’s that he said them in the wrong context–to the father, not a brother or mutual friend.
This whole fact that there’s verbal jousting about women (but only the right women), combined with the five year old/jizz post…I don’t know, the whole thing suggests that maybe the OP hasn’t quite got the hang of how to treat women…
Yeah, it’s pretty standard. Plus, there’s the fact that, in this case, the verbal jousting was not by itself–apparently the guy had actually hit on his daughter. He let that slide once, because he trusted his daughter to be able to handle that. (You know, like everyone on here constantly says parents should do with their kids.) But when it jumped to violence, he drew a line.
I also love the tone switch. Up until my post, everyone was treating this sympathetically, like you would in real life with your buddies. Then we had a few people who were a bit incredulous, but it was okay. Then, we have one poster who decided “Hey, I hate this person: what would be the worst thing I could say about this poster that won’t get me thrown into the pit?” And then everyone’s rationality disappears. Because, obviously, someone who admits to having a bad thought to try to help people find their rationality about an emotionally heated subject is actually an immoral fuck who doesn’t deserve to be considered a person.
Throw in the people who do not know what I said in my first paragraph, and we have the perfectly typical SDMB thread about real life problems. The only way not to get mad is to see it for the hilarious farce it is.
It wasn’t just that he admitted to having a bad thought. If he said something like, “I’ve been turned on by prepubescent children and it’s something I’m working on dealing with,” it would be one thing. But it’s the fact that he thought it was funny and that he hangs out with people who think it’s funny to demean women like that. And the fact that he himself still thinks it’s okay to talk about a woman disrespectfully as long as he doesn’t know her father.
And won’t stand up to a young trash talking redneck who boasts that he wants to fuck his underage daughter . . . but gossips this to the daughter in question . . . and the daughter says she’s going to kick redneck’s ass (because who else is going to stand up for her?) . . . and he gossips this back to said redneck. Redneck threatens to break his sixteen year old daughter’s face if she dares say anything to him, and only at that point Claude regretfully breaks off ties with his best friend and gets all maudlin here about what a bittersweet (huh?) moment that was.
If that was really what was happening, I’d actually be happier. Everybody has thoughts that are bad. I’ve seen people here want to commit murder or violence against people. Do they have someone follow them around and post a link in an unrelated thread because people are being too sympathetic to a poster they hate?
Lorene’s post was completely irrelevant to this thread, but it sure got people to hate the OP pretty quickly, to the point where the ageism seems mild by comparison. I can only ascribe immoral motives to the post–far more immoral than being friends with someone, gasp, younger than you, or–gasp–trying to get people to treat a pedophile as a person.
I hope you are one day held as responsible for all your thoughts and feelings that are immoral. Trust me, they exist.
He has no reason to do so. A single thought means nothing. And if I had to point out every single time you guys talk disrespectfully about people behind their backs, over half the Dope would be pitted.
It’s basic human nature to talk bad about people. I don’t like it, but I’m honestly tired of people only selectively noticing it. You came in with a preconceived belief about the OP, and are only using that as validation.
It’s not just the thought, though. It’s the fact that he saw the need to mention it. And frame it in such a way. All of this stuff taken together is making him look like very crass and misogynistic.
I also didn’t come in with any preconceived notions. But based on what I’ve read in the thread, I can’t help feeling disgusted at the OP’s behavior.
Incidentally, you seem to really dislike people saying mean things about other people. The fact that the OP and his friends do this to women on a regular basis doesn’t bother you?
Thanks for revealing your bias. You apparently are not only assuming the worst possible interpretation of the OP, you admit that you are prejudiced against rednecks. You actually think it’s a slur. That’s funny.
Is Claude perfect? No. But is he abnormal? Not really. The “your mama” jokes, or the “old ball and chain” jokes are a part of the culture. It may technically be misogynistic, but it’s benign. Many people will give their friends a pass for such stuff, as long as it truly is benign.
But note that the OP’s friend has actually hit on the OP’s daughter. He’s taken his banter to the next level. This means his violence might be serious. As most people understood before lorene’s unfortunate post.
For example, Melon’s culture (who I don’t see you attacking) believes that, even if your friend does somethign illegal, you still stick by them. To report them would be a betrayal. This again is not abnormal. I’m sure he draws the line at threats of violence to his family, just like the OP did.
And I must point out that I thought you were overreacting in your first post. You don’t get the police involved unless you have to. There’s still a chance that the guy is joking, and it’s quite likely he’ll back down now that he knows he’s lost a friend. And, heck, the joking defense would pretty much keep the police form doing anything, anyways.
Finally, I see nothing wrong with mourning the loss of a friend, even if said friendship was lost because the friend did something stupid or turned out to be an immoral person. A true friend is not one-dimensional. There are quite likely things about the friend that are good. It’s 100% normal to feel some sense of loss.
In fact, that’s the entire theme with Claude. He seems normal. But he is admitting his normality, and doing so poorly enough that people have a way to attack him.
And I’m “honestly tired” of your little “now be nice to each other” lectures. This isn’t the Mister Rogers Fan Forum.
The guy told him, “I want to fuck your daughter”. That’s not just “banter”, that’s downright being an asshole. It seems he’s more upset about losing the guy as a friend than he is about how the guy treated his daughter. (After said daughter told Dear Ol’ Dad that the guy had been harassing her)
You’re calling out almost every male alive. from Little kids on playgrounds to old men sitting around shooting the shit. We all talk shit about “your mamma” this or “your sister” that. Gonna tell me you never hard “that’s what she said” in your presence? You come across like you live in a bubble.
I don’t care to associate with people who are out of their single digits and actually think “Yo momma” jokes or “your sister” are the height of wit.
I don’t think “that’s what she said” comments are really on par with what your friend has said. We’re talking about a guy who has threatened to physically hurt women, but you say it’s only an issue when it’s your kid:
I do think it’s incredibly disturbing that you had to have the guy physically threaten your own daughter before it got through to you that this was unacceptable behavior.
No, she’s saying that since you don’t sit around telling people “your daughter’s fucking hot”, then your example in your above quote isn’t in the same league as what your friend was doing all along.