I did this over the weekend and my friend also roomate seems to be a little pissed about this but I don’t feel like I did anything wrong.
Heres how it happened: She comes in to visit for a couple of days (shes from out of state) we all go out for dinner and some drinks then when we all go back home, my friend goes to bed early while me and his sister stay up. Well one thing leads to another and you can pretty much guess the rest.
Also I guess I should say we’re all adults here (early thirties). None of us were shitfaced drunk; so all decisions made that night were of sound body and shes the one who started the whole thing. (if that means anything)
As far as my experience with my friends, that’s like the first rule of the Guy Friend Kingdom. You never touch the sister, or the ex-girlfriend. Put it this way: think about your sister, or imagine that you’ve got one, and imagine the tables were turned. You know your buddy, you know that there wasn’t any deep meaning emotionally to the sex. I mean, are you gonna marry the sister? Seriously date? It doesn’t sound like it, so it must seem to your friend like you treated his sister like just any girl, which she isn’t to him. Nobody wants to think of his sister as an overly sexual being.
She’s a little young yet, but I know that anybody who had sex with my sister would most likely feel my wrath for at least a little while, especially if it was just a casual thing, and even moreso if they were a friend of mine. I might not be able to give you a real concrete reason why it’s morally wrong, but trust me, it’ll piss 99% of the male population right off.
If you’re both adults, I don’t see any problem with you two gettin’ it awn in general.
However, I can kind of understand if he’s a little upset about you doing it under the same roof he’s sleeping under. Having to imagine one of my siblings having sex in the next room is just icky.
I’m not blaming anyone. I’m just tring to give all the facts.
And as far as me being in my thirties, thats exactly the point I’m trying to make. This whole “Don’t touch my sister dude” seems a little like High School mentality to me. But maybe there is some thing I’m missing here.
So what you’re saying is it’s ok to have meaningless sex with any other woman but when it comes to your sister that’s not the right behaviour? That’s a whopper of a double standard you’ve got there!
And if your sister was of consenting age, to be fair, what has her sex life got to do with you? What would you say if she unleashed her wrath on a girl you had sex with? Wouldn’t you think that was a bit weird?
Shakes there’s nothing wrong with what you did. As you said, you’re all adults. A woman in her thirties is capable of making her own decisions about who she sleeps with. Unless you took advantage of her while she was really drunk, I can’t see why your friend is peeved about this. If you had slept with his ex-girlfriend or something…well that’d be different.
Ditto. Speaking personally, who my sister fucks is her own business. Assuming she wasn’t forced, I could give a rats ass, even if I was asleep in the next room. It’s called “being an adult and respecting your sister as a fellow adult”. Your roomie should try it some time.
I had thought the sister ban was more to little sisters (read: teenage or so), just because guys are supposed to be protective of them - part of the big brother deal. Shoot, I try to pimp off my older sister, I want to have little nieces and nephews to spoil and play with!!
So assuming she is technically a little sister, but just happens to be grown up now, it’s probably just a latent instinct coming back from when she was younger and he’ll forget about it pretty soon.
I personally don’t care who my sister has sex with. I also don’t really want to know anything abut her sex life in general though, so maybe the friend thing would be weird.
And Jimmy Chitwood, I am sure you are a complex, brilliant guy, so don’t take this personally. That “first rule of the Guy Friend Kingdom” thing makes you sound like someone who buys Maxim, and takes “The Man Show” seriously. That is just friendly, constructive criticism.
What the hell does this even have to do with her brother? You and the lady in question are both in your 30s, and in my mind that’s old enough to make your own decisions and live by the consequences. If one of my siblings kicked up a stink about who I slept with, they’d promptly be told to piss off and mind their own business.
Does he run potential sexual partners by his sister before jumping into the sack with them, in order to gain her approval? Thought not.
About the only thing I can see him having cause for complaint for here is that the two of you had sex while he was in the house. Could have been awkward, but I’m sure he’ll get over it. After all, most of us have grown up knowing full well our parents had sex in the bedroom next door, and as icky as it may seem, it’s something you just have to shrug off.
He probably doesn’t even like to think that he was conceived by intercourse. Bet he prefers to think his parents never got down and dirty. The stork brought him.
He should realize by NOW, his sister has wants, desires and needs.
Twon concenting adults having sex… should be nobody else’s business or problem.
Out of curiosity, do you and this friend discuss your sex lives with one another? I can understand someone not wanting a blow-by-blow description of a sibling’s sexual encounters. I know and understand that my big brother has sex, but I prefer to live in ignorance of all the gory details. He feels the same way about me.
Also, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to be more protective of your family members than you are of complete strangers. They’re your family, and you love them. I think it’s shitty of women to treat their boyfriends/husbands badly, but it doesn’t incur my lasting wrath because I’m just not emotionally involved. However, God help the bitch that screws over my brother.
Besides, for some folks friends are friends and family is family, and ne’er the twain shall cross. By not respecting those emotional boundaries these people set within their lives, you’re disrespecting them. They tend to see it that way, anyhow. Most people tend to get pissy when they feel disrespected.
Why, exactly, did either of you feel the need to tell him you’d been bumping ugles, anyway? Surely if he has no right have feelings about her sex life, he doesn’t need to know who she has sex with.
Yes, it’s a double standard. The world’s full of them. Doesn’t make it feel any less true, though - and maybe you’re right, and all us guys should treat all women as if they were our best friend’s sisters. But it seems to me that would be a damn boring world to live in. On the other hand, though - what does it cost you to consider your friend’s sister off-limits? There’s plenty of fish in the sea, and it makes your friend feel like he can trust you.
That trust is an important point. My sister is 17 years old, old enough that there’s almost certainly guys interested in her. Say that my friend, me, and her are at a concert, and I need to leave for a bit. I can trust my friend to look after her while I’m gone - I wouldn’t feel as comfortable doing that if I knew he was interested in her. And big brothers never break the habit of looking out for their sisters. Never.
That sort of relationship doesn’t flow both ways, though - my sister doesn’t feel a need to “look after” me, nor should she. So she’d never inflict her wrath on a girl who I did the nasty with - she’d probably be grossed out, though, which is why we don’t tell our sisters these things.
The most important factor here is probably that all this happened when the sister came to visit your roomate.
You would likely never have had sex with the sister if you weren’t friends and roomates with the guy, so it is possible he feels like you used his friendship to get with his sister.
If you had met the sister without either of you knowing the other’s relationship to your roomate, then he very well might not have cared when he found out.
This comes as a rather unusual ethics issue for me. Honestly, it would depend on how tolerant friends are about the issue. I know with my best friend, two unwritten rules we have (now) are:
Don’t boink friend’s sister
Don’t boink friend’s exes
Though I would say we have these rules for rather unique reasons. Rule #1 is just a comfort thing; my friend would feel incredibly awkward if he knew I was physically intimate with his younger sister. Personally I would think it overstepping my bounds as a friend by getting involved with his family in a rather too-close sort of way. Whether this is reasonable or unreasonable I follow this rule out of respect to my friend. Rule #2 is more of a ‘safety’ rule. All the exes we’ve had were bad news, and one of us boffing the ex of the other is just inviting the same bad things to happen over again. Because each of us can’t bear to have one make the same mistakes the other made (Hey, learn from other people’s mistakes instead of making your own, right?), its kind of forbidden territory.
jeez…i thought that everyone got this memo when their balls dropped. guess i was wrong.
to the OP- look, it’s fine for you and the sister to have sex with whoever you want- it’s also fine for your roommate to think that you’ve betrayed a trust and be pissed off at you. it’s not so much the sex- it’s the fact that you used your relationship with him to get to her…so he might be mad at himself for helping his sister get it on with a total asshat. that translates into not good feelings for the asshat in question…and that would be you.
i gather this might be different if he thought that you were a more suitable partner, though i might be wrong. but dismissing his feelings as those of some out of control sibling chastity police is going a bit far…and makes it easy for you to avoid the fact that he might be justified in his anger (i… your behavior/ attitude needs to change).
