In anticipation of my delivery in June I’ve been trying to get my lil’guy to transfer over from his crib to a toddler bed. So far, it’s been a dismal failure. All it seems I’ve suceeded in doing is convincing him to absolutely hate his crib (which he used to go down in without a peep) and delaying his bedtime by two hours or more each night. As it stands now, I’ve resorted to letting him fall asleep in my arms as I watch TV, putting him down in his toddler bed, and then pulling him up into my bed with me when he wakes up at 2:00am and wanders into my room. Now, I really don’t mind him sleeping in my bed, but I DO mind the other stuff. I don’t really have 1-2 spare hours each night I can devote to calming him down and rocking him asleep. I don’t like that he’s staying up until 9:30–10:00, because that means he’s oversleeping in the mornings and we have to rush to get him ready to go. And I worry that when the new baby comes, it’s going to be even more stressful for him to deal with if it means a disruption in his nighttime ritual–which at this point is pretty hit or miss as it it.
I’ve tried oohing and aaahhing over his bed. We went and picked out a new teddy that “lives” there, so if he wants to hug teddy he has to lay in his big boy bed. I’ve read him stories, I’ve sung him songs, I’ve thrown up my hands and left him there to cry it out. Nothing’s worked so far. He cries hysterically and then eventually gets out on his own and tracks me down. Now, I know I’m not helping matters any when I relent and once again rock him to sleep, but at the same time it seems so much easier to do that than to keep putting him back in the bed again and again and again, getting him more worked up and delaying him falling asleep even longer. To date, he has not once fallen asleep in the bed, and when I tried going back to the crib he was incensed. I’m talking jumping up and down, banging on the walls, screaming till he puked rage. And normally, he’s a very easy-going and lovable kid, so I’m taking this doubly hard. In desperation, I’ve tried putting him down in my bed to start with but he generally doesn’t like being in there unless I am too. And as much as I’d like to, I just can’t be laying down and falling asleep with him at 9:00. Nightime is the only chance I have to do my grown up stuff, and this is wreaking havoc with both of our schedules.
Can anyone suggest something that has worked for them? I’m at my wits end here.
Are your kids going to share the bedroom? If so that makes it harder since you need to leave the crib up.
What I’ve done, successfully with 2 of my boys is to take down the crib so their only choice is the “big boy” bed. Sorry I don’t have any neat tricks or other suggestions.
Yep, there’s just the two bedrooms so the boys will be sharing. For the first couple months the new one will most likely be sleeping in a basinette in my room since I’ll be nursing, but eventually they’re going to have to coexist. I’m just envisioning a huge mess when number 2 comes along, and all three of us are sleeping in my room while the kid’s room sits empty. Ack! I’d rather nip it in the bud now while our lives are still fairly normal. (eg: non newborn-oriented)
Thanks for replying though–I was starting to think that everyone was just reading it and thinking “Ach, silly girl. I never had any problems like that.”
I’m not due until October and we pondered trying to get the 2 year old to sleep in a big girl bed. We’ve since decided to just get a second crib. I figure she would get kind of unhappy seeing the baby take “her crib” and that it would make assimilation easier if each had their own crib.
I’m afraid I have no help to offer but I would love to know more about the whole process of getting little ones from crib to bed.
Cheers to all the mommies and daddies out there filling the board with toddler help threads these days!
Mine has been in the room with us from day one. For the last 2 years, since she weaned, she has been going down the same way. One of us lies down with her for 10 - 20 min and reads while she goes to sleep. Sometimes she wants to hear a song. We limit that to one a night. When she drops off we then get up and do what ever until our bed time. This is actualy something that we look forward to as it gives us time to read that we wouldn’t otherwise have in the schedule. Some nights when she goes down in 5 minutes or less I feel a little cheated. Sometimes I stay and read for a while anyway.
We have never had a bedtime fuss so I don’t know if I can comment on how to undo your current situation. But I would try sitting with him in your bed until he drops off. Try not to interact with him. Try this for at least a week before you give it up. He might not like it at first.
We had purchased a convertible crib- turns into a toddler bed, then into a single bed. When our son was big enough to possibly hang himself getting out of the crib (18 months?), we converted it to a toddler bed, with the back and sides still tall but the front now a “lip” that came up just above the mattress, so he couldn’t fall out. I think it really helped the transition, because it was still “his” bed.
When I got pregnant again (oldest was 2 1/2 when the new baby was born), we decided not to buy another crib, and instead to put my son in a “big” bed. Unfortunately for this thread, he took to it like a fish to water! Sorry!
It sounds like you’ve done everything right- special toys, spending time in the bed with him, etc.
When all else fails, I try Dr. William Sears, my favorite online pediatrician. He raised 8 kids (at least two of whome became pediatricians as well!), so he has a little experience with these things!
what we did with our two was to take the crib out, but leave the crib mattress on the floor for them to sleep on. They get used to the idea that the crib is gone, but still have the comfort of the old mattress and can crawl up into the toddler bed when they’re ready to. Worked twice for us!
He’ll be two in just a couple more weeks. Unfortunately, removing the crib isn’t an option right now because I’m expecting again so soon. I’m thinking I’ll just need to be a little more patient and tough it out–but good lord can that boy scream when he wants to! Thanks for the link EJsGirl–I’ll definitely check it out.
Degrance–do you mean you read to your daughter or just that you sit with her reading to yourself? And did you have any issues with her getting up, jumping around, etc? That seems to be his biggest obstacle with my bed–he thinks it’s play time and wants to diddy bop all over the place.
Thank’s to all for the suggestions and encouragement—you’ve given me hope!
With one of our kids, Ferberizing worked really well. Here is the method we used - which is modified Ferber:
Put him to bed, read a story.
Kiss goodnight.
Then move to where he could see me - the hallway. I’d read, fold laundry, sometimes do yoga. The rule was he had to stay in bed and be quiet or I’d shut his door. If he left the bed (or made too much noise), the door was shut for a minute. Ferber has you work the time the door is shut upwards systematically, which I think really worked well for him - one minute, than two, than three - but the first night no more than five or something.
After he got good at this (lying quietly while being able to see me), I’d move around a bit. I’d leave for a minute or two (“mama’s going to get the laundry”). Then I’d start stretching the time I was gone out.
Took about three months total.
Didn’t work at all on my daughter, who is a tantrum thrower and a bedtime chatter. At 3 1/2 I’ve been spending years trying to find a method to get her down that doesn’t involve me rocking her, lying with her, or her having two hour tantrums (on good nights she just talks to her dolly until 11:00pm). Sometimes she is pretty good. Lately, we gave her a CD player and she can listen to music as long as she is quiet and in bed. She stops being quiet and she looses the music. That works OK - about 70% of the time, but nothing really works consistantly with her. And she will outlast me if I Ferberize, I’ll listen to five minutes of tantrum behind the door, my limit seems to be about twenty before I feel I need to intervene or the guilt is overwhelming.
belladonna, you say that taking the crib down is not an option, as the baby is due soon. However, you also said that the baby will sleep in your room in a bassinet for a couple of months. I think I’d just go ahead a take the crib down for that period of time. A couple of months is forever to a 2-year-old, and he’ll probably be less upset by a baby taking over the crib if you take it down and then put it back up. He may not even feel like it’s “his” anymore, especially if you buy new linens, toys, etc. This way, if you take the crib down, you can go with the mattress-on-the-floor method, which has worked for a lot of people I know.
For me, personally, it wasn’t really an issue. I just let my kids transition when they wanted to, which was a luxury I could afford, since my first two were 4 years apart, then it was 8 years after the second one before I had my third.
When she was much younger we sometimes had to lie with an arm or a hand on her back / stomach to stop her from squiggling enough to relax and go to sleep. Mostly we used clear expectations. Before you try this talk to him and tell him that he can sleep in your bed, IF. Then make the “if” how he needs to act in order to be allowed to sleep there.
I would say try it for a good week before you give it up. I will take him a while to get used to the new rules.
Thanks for the link EJsGirl–I’ll definitely check it out.