A friend of mine has a 18 month old boy who has decided he just doesn’t want to sleep in a crib any more. Well, he doesn’t want to sleep in general, but specifically he keeps climbing out of his crib (hilarity does NOT ensue.)
She’s tried putting him in a bigger bed, but he refuses to stay in it, either, and tends to pound on the bedroom door demanding his freedom
Does anyone have any recommendations I can pass on to her about how to keep a determined young man in his crib? I can only assume reasonable physical restraint is allowed.
There is in fact no real way to keep a kid in a crib that is particularly safe. Climbing out of a crib is far worse than climbing out of a toddler bed - I would recommend keeping the toddler bed.
My trick for keeping the daughter in bed is to threaten with something she HATES (not physical harm). She HATES when I put a gate up at her bedroom doorway - so I give her the choice of getting into bed and STAYING (by the time I count to 5!) or the gate goes up. Ususally works - when it doesn’t, then it’s time to wait out the screaming fit. You have to be able to hold the door closed longer than the child can keep yelling. After a few times of showing them that you do not intend to back down, they usually will start cooperating.
Consistent and firm is the ONLY way to get the kid to do what you want. And finding what he really wants/doesn’t want in terms of negotiating. The hardest thing is lining up the object he wants/doesn’t want with the timeframe closest to bedtime. If it’s too far in the future, it won’t work (like no TV tomorrow - useless as a negotiating tactic to such a young kid).
Good luck - there may be a few Loooooooong bedtimes before it takes hold, but keep with it.
I’d get him a regular bed. At least he can’t fall as far.
My son was a regular Houdini when he was that age. I tied his bedroom door shut after he LEFT THE APARTMENT and wandered the neighborhood one morning. It scared the hell out of me. I left enough slack that he could call out through the opening but couldn’t actually escape. It looked horrible, but I really didn’t know what else to do.
Yeah. You can’t be too consitent with a toddler. They’re little scientists running the same experiments over and over again to check for reliable results.
Our son was nearly 3 when we did this, but we had the room to set up an enticing toddler bed right next to the crib and gave him the choice to stay in the crib or stay in his bed. This strategy gave him the power of choice within boundaries acceptable to us and worked pretty well.
Your friend may also want to consider the possibility that the child isn’t sleepy. Our younger son will sleep any old time, any old where we put him, but his older brother fights sleep in eipic battles that used to go into the wee hours. He still needs to play and read in bed for an hour before he drops off, but by giving him the freedom to play quietly in his bed we’ve managed to cut out the exhausting bed time dramas. I’ve even heard of families attaching latching screen doors to their kid’s rooms until the children get into the habit of staying in their rooms after bed time.
Perhaps a Playhut would be helpful. My girlfriend gave Jonah one a couple of years ago, and on nights after he has had a particularly tough time getting himself to sleep I’ll go in and find him sleeping in it on top of his bed. He says it makes him feel ‘comfy and cozy’.
My boy somehow magically scaled his chin-high crib railing and landed with a rousing ker-thump on the bedroom floor when he was just over a year, nicely razoring his lips with his brand new teeth. He was in a toddler bed by that evening. Sure he could get out of it, but in his case getting out of it didn’t necessarily mean leaving the room, he’d just play quietly and fall asleep on the floor.
One of my nephews has been sleeping in a play tent in his room since he was two, he hated the crib and the toddler bed but loves to ‘hide’ inside his tent.
Put up a baby gate on the door and give up the crib.
I think that choice between a crib and toddler bed is a pretty good idea - I wish I had thought of it; it might have worked.
What does the toddler seem to want to do? Your friend might just have to let him do it. For us, it was that he wanted to sleep with us and we finally caved. It wasn’t the end of the world and it did finally end - for awhile. He’s been working his way back into our room lately (he’s 6).
What about just a mattress on the floor for his bed and ‘locking him in’ with a t-shirt in the door jamming it shut. Yeah, he’ll pound the hell out of the door and cry in frustration, but eventually he will fall asleep on the floor in exhaustion.
Also, have they considered co-sleeping? And after he falls asleep, carry him back to his bed or just let him sleep with them the entire night.
We haven’t squished our kids and when they sleep with us (though they start out in their own beds 90% of the time.) they fall asleep faster and with less yelling on the parental unit part ( me.) It is a wonderful bond with a child and an excellent one on one time with story time with them. I read my two to sleep ( now that they are into longer books.) many a times before I pass out from the effort. No worries about hauling a near 70# child back to his bed or his 40# sister to hers.
I don’t know why our culture is so bent on keeping kids and parents beds seperated. It wasn’t that long ago that everyone slept in the same bed or huddled on the floor together. Only the very rich seperated themselves from their kids. The poor ( like you and me) cuddled and shivered together in their beds at night.
Co-Sleeping also makes vacation time a breeze for settling them in for the night. Yeah, they will go bonkers in a hotel room or camp ground because it is a new experience, but when it comes time for sleeping, cuddling up with Mom or Dad is a great thing and everyone passes out at the same time after story time.
Kidding, of course.
I second the idea of both a crib and toddler bed and letting him choose. Or get a regular twin-size mattress and put it on the floor. We did that with my son for a while (actually it was a mattress and box spring on the floor - just not up on a frame).
We also did the co-sleeping thing for a while, and we’re definitely not the tree-hugging/crunchy granola types.
Not us either. Actually, it’s kind of nice seeing the little sleeping face next to you. The little sleeping feet in your ribs is another story, but somehow the face is more memorable than the feet.
Mr. Caricci and I used to fulfill our marital obligations in the guest room.
There is a sort of crib topper available that turns a crib into a box the kid can’t climb out of. It’s like a mesh lid for the crib, and designed for just this type of situation.
My SIL just put her 18-month old into a toddler bed. It can be done too. But I would put a baby gate up in the doorway–or can he climb over those, too?
Most kids go through a period when they get into a bed where they discover that they can get out of it–and so they do, 10 times a night, before going to sleep. You just have to keep putting them back in. Or let them fall asleep on their bedroom floor; they eventually decide the bed is comfier.
Mattress on the floor. Of course, you have to child proof the entire room to ensure the little darling doesn’t get into the closet, the drawers, pull anything down, electrocute himself, etc., but even if he trampolines off the mattress, he won’t go anywhere.
We moved Charlie into a regular bed when he was around 15 mos. He hated his crib and would rattle the side like a monkey rattles his cage. No one could sleep. We put a baby-gate up at the end of the hall so if he got up the only place he could go was into our room. Also we would lay down with him and read him to sleep every night. Snuggle time for us, but in his own bed.
My ex step brothers were crazy (not their fault: their mother was the queen of the Harpies); one was 3 and one was 2.
We took their bedroom door, sliced in in half, and stuck a lock on the bottom (left the top half open).
This kept them in their room (the door was high enough that they could not climb over), but we could look in on them at any time and hear them if there was any trouble. This was also handy for time outs and even play time.
My boy started climbing out of the crib at 14 months. Scared the bejeesus out of his mom the first time he did it – she was sorting laundry and he snuck up on her. A couple of weeks later, he wandered out the (locked, but he managed to unlock it) front door of the house when a babysitter thought he was napping. :eek: Luckily he was missed and found immediately, just hanging out near the front porch.
I installed:
a) a net over his crib (zips closed)
b) a lock on his bedroom door (installed backwards, lock outward)
c) a high sliding bolt at the very top our front door
a) worked for about 6 weeks, when he starting unzipping the net and crawling out. He couldn’t crawl back in, so we just got a toddler bed and relied on the bedroom door lock to keep him safe. We usually didn’t lock it until we (Mom & Dad) went to bed, just in case he’d decide to wander out for a snack or some knife-juggling at 3am.
As for keeping him in his bed, it was a nightly struggle for a few months. If we locked the door, he’d pound on it and scream. If we didn’t, he wouldn’t stay in bed and go to sleep. We finally worked out a deal with him: one of us would lay down with him in his bed every night and listen to music for about 15-20 minutes or so (it was a fixed set of songs from his favorite CD), and after that he’d have to go to sleep. He wouldn’t, of course, but he mostly stayed in bed.
Well, there also was no electricity, so there was nothing much to do when it was dark except sleep. There was also no indoor plumbing, but I’m not sure I’m going to romanticize the lost benefits of outhouses.
Me either, actually. I am a crunchy type and even subscribed to Mothering for a while. who you callin’ a hippie? My husband, on the other hand, could play the lead in the all-male cast of “Princess and the Pea” and wakes up when a fly buzzes into the room. Our quest to keep Daddy in the family bed is the stuff of legend and includes the purchase of a $6,000 king size Shifman mattress. We had a carpenter build us a co-sleeper that fits nicely at my bedside, but once the kid can crawl over me and nudge The Grumpy One, it’s off to the crib.
What your friend could do is to put the kid into bed (toddler bed might be best by now but a crib would work, too), then have a seat on the floor in the room. Every time the child gets out of bed, she should put him right back in it. Eventually, he’ll fall asleep, and she can leave the room. This might take hours the first night, but should take less and less time every night, until he just lays down and goes to sleep. Might take a week or so, but almost guaranteed to work. Consistency is the key.
I’ve never been a fan of co-sleeping, but to each their own.
Well, other than the obvious bit about children witnessing sexual activities is pretty much grounds for child services to remove them from the home, and the kid really does need to learn to deal with things and sleep when required and where required withouth spending hours whining about it?
Personally, I went through phases where I needed it to be either black as pitch or having a nightlight, cosleeping was not an option, and my brother and i went to bed when directed and where directed, and that was that. No ifs, ands or buts. We also ate what was put in front of us, and had the same manners at table at home or in a restaraunt.
After having had a boyfriend [single father] who’s daughter :eek: refused to NOT co sleep, and would pitch a 2 or 3 hour tantrum I gave up on him. We never got any time to ourselves for pounding the mattress because he had sole custody and she was always in the bed and I refuse to co sleep with a child in the bed of a sexual partner. Any time we actually got any, he had to hire a baby sitter and we got a room for a couple of hours. Not that every kid is so whingy about cosleeping, but be aware that kids fixate on things and can be freaking impossible to live with if they are allowed to have their way. Maybe I am old fashioned, but KIDS follow the rules that the PARENTS make, not the other way around.
