Keeping a baby in a crib

Totally, aruvqan. Along with your points, I’d like to add that sleeping well is a skill that every child should learn, and it will serve them well throughout their lives. Every night, everyone wakes briefly for a second or two several times over. Those that haven’t learned how to go to sleep without being with someone else, or having a bottle in their mouth, or music on, or whatever, are screwed because they also have these brief waking periods, but they don’t know how to get back to sleep. When you consider the importance of getting enough sleep to mental agility, reflex times, and emotional stability, doesn’t it just make sense to teach our kids from birth how to sleep well?

Also, I don’t understand how any marraige can have intimacy, whether emotional or sexual, when the parents don’t sleep alone. That concept confounds me. As for single parents, having the child in your bed after he’s an infant suggest emotional enmeshment to me. And that’s not a good thing.

Sorry to hijack, I would just strongly discourage the OP from suggesting co-sleeping as a way to end bedtime struggles.

Thanks everyone for the tips. She’s been reading this thread. Also, she’s of the mind that co-sleeping is not a good thing in the long run for anyone involved.

When our first child climbed out of her crib (and we literally caught her in the act, just as she dove over the railings), we took the mattress out of the crib and put it on the floor. Since I was pregnant with #2, we also felt that it was time to encourage her to grow out of the crib, if only so she wouldn’t feel like the baby was stealing it from her. A couple of weeks later, we got a toddler bed and a guard rail, and moved the mattress to the toddler bed. She liked the freedom, and never missed the crib, but when she left her room in the middle of the night, she usually just came straight into our room, and spent the rest of the night there. We didn’t have room in the bed for her, but we did make a nest of blankets for her to sleep on. She pretty consistently woke up every night and came into her “nest” in our room sometime between 2 and 3 am until she was six or so, even through three moves. (That meant we had the bedroom to ourselves in the evening, so it was a compromise we could all live with.)

Our second child, though, was a scare. I think we were fortunate in some ways that he had physical problems that prevented him from walking until he was nearly two, so he was in the crib until relatively late (almost three, I think) before he was even capable of trying to climb out of it. When he did finally start moving on his own, he was obviously trying to make up for lost time. We put the mattress on his floor, so he couldn’t fall out of bed trying to climb out, and didn’t even try a toddler bed until much later. We also had to turn the doorknob backwards so that we could lock him in, and we took virtually every piece of climbable furniture OUT of the room. We left toys that he could play with safely without supervision, to keep him busy. As others have said, we felt guilty locking him in, but 1) he would not have been able to get himself out of the apartment on his own in an emergency anyway, and 2) he was MUCH safer locked up in a child-proof room than he could ever have been roaming around the apartment by himself when the rest of us were asleep. He also could not/would not sleep in the same room as someone else. Even as an infant, if he was aware of anyone else in the same room with him, he would stay awake until he was alone. The kids had to share a bedroom for a couple of months right after he was born, and we had to make sure that he was SOUND asleep before we could put his sister to bed. Her coming to our room to sleep in the middle of the night meant that he would actually sleep later the next morning, too.

The mattress-on-the-floor turned out to be a boon, too, when he broke his femur at the age of 3 1/2, and had to wear a body cast (chest to toes) for a month. Since his mattress was on the floor, we didn’t have to lift him very high to get him into bed, and we didn’t have to worry about him falling out in his sleep. This kid was/is so active though that by the time the cast came off, he had learned to use his elbows to push himself off the mattress onto the floor, then push himself into the living room (sliding on his back across the floor) to watch TV until someone else got up.

Really?

IMHO speak for ‘cite’

I don’t want to hijack this thread, but as someone who has experienced the family bed both as a parent and as a child I have to condemn your thinking as narrow. Not everyone thinks of sex when the word ‘bed’ is mentioned, and our bed is the place we have sex in the same way our couch is. Since Farmman and I have done unspeakable acts with each other on the sofa, do you suggest we not let the kids frolic there the next afternoon?

Oops about the cite thing. I misread your post as "Well, other than the obvious bit about children witnessing sexual activities it is pretty much grounds for child services to remove them from the home,

This is hearsay, because I don’t have children. I do know one couple who divorced because the wife insisted on the baby being in the bed. The husband “felt that once she got the baby she didn’t have any use for me anymore.”

Mind if a childless person says a word about co-sleeping? About 7 years ago, I agreed to babysit a neighbor’s 3 year old and 10 year old while they went out for an evening. The 10 year old was absolutely wonderful and a terrific big brother. The 3 year old, however fell asleep with his mother in bed with him. This was, apparently, the first time the neighbors had gone out for an evening since he was born. The little boy would not fall asleep unless his Mum was there next to him and, since he wasn’t, basically threw a tantrum. I tried everything I could to calm him down, promised him his Mommy loved him and was coming back, and did all I could to get him to lie down and go to sleep. His brother helped and was wonderful about things. The poor little boy was obviously tired, and being tired was making him crankier, but he wasn’t going to fall asleep until Mom was home to fall asleep with him. My neighbor eventually came home an hour later than scheduled and 3 or 4 hours after the little boy’s bedtime.

Folks, if you’re going to co-sleep and plan on going out for the evening, please, do what you can to prepare your youngster and maybe even figure out a way for him or her to manage without you at bedtime for an evening. I didn’t find out the little boy needed his mother to fall asleep until after his parents had left. This was confirmed by the 10 year old, so I don’t think it was a ploy. If I had, well, I’m not sure what I would have done, other than ask my mother for additional advice up front. I would be interested in reading whatever advice you have for handling the situation.

CJ

Depends. Are you going to let the sprouts watch as you frolic on the sofa? I specifically mentioned co sleeping and having sex with the sprouts in the same room.