My husband and I are expecting our first baby in October. Yesterday we were having a (lighthearted) argument about where the baby would sleep for the first few months or so. He thinks it’ll be in our bedroom, I think it should be in the nursery. Better sleep for everyone all around, right? That’s what I think anyway. However, since my husband is a self-appointed authority on everything, even things he knows nothing of, like babies, he claims that he’s right.
My thoughts are that since I’ll be the one doing those middle of the night breastfeeds, much better to have a quiet room to do it in where he’s not snoring away or grumping at me that I’ve woken him up. The bedrooms are all quite close together and I’ll likely have a monitor, so it seems to make sense to me that baby has his/her own room from the get-go.
Oh, and while we’re at it, can anyone suggest how I can convince him that the ugly, cheapo 1970s built-in wardrobe and overhead cabinets in the soon-to-be nursery have GOT TO GO?!
I have dealt with two newborn babies in my life. In both cases, they shared a bedroom with my ex-wife and I for a few months. That was simply easier. They were both breastfed, but the closer they were the better. I would get up and hand the baby to the ex-Mrs (not possessing breasts, I am fairly poor at breastfeeding, although that didn’t stop the babies from trying if I was careless enough to remove my shirt) and she would just lie in bed, half asleep, while baby one or baby two nursed.
After a few months, though, we got this notion that it might be fun to start having sex again. That’s tricky when the baby wants to join in. As an aside, I’m not sure how the babies thought they might contribute to the experience, but all that bouncing up and down obviously seems appealing. So anyway, we figured that perhaps it was time the babies had their own room. That worked out fine as well, though it did take baby one a little time to get used to. Baby two was less bothered, as he was in the same room as now-toddler one, whom he recognised.
Well, but whatever you decide, congratulations and enjoy!
Our three each slept in a cradle in our room until they got old enough to start holding themselves up, starting to make sort of crawling moves. Then we moved them into a crib in their own room. By that time they were sleeping through the night, so I didn’t have to worry about getting up with them in the wee hours. The only time having one of them in our room was a problem was the first night or two with the first one. He was a little stuffy, and my husband lay awake listening to the baby breathe. Got mad at me because I didn’t. “What if he’d stopped breathing?” “Then I would have heard him.” After it became abundantly clear that I did indeed hear the baby in the night, even when all he did was root in the mattress, Daddy quit worrying about that. There were lots of nights with the three of them when their father didn’t even know they woke up.
My daughter slept in our room, in a crib, from birth. We then moved her to her own room when she was about 6 months old. We did pick her up and put her in our bed quite often when she was crying. She’s seven now. My son is still sleeping in our bed and he’s just over a year old. Sometimes it’s just easier than getting up 2 or 3 times in the night.
Many people say that it’s not good having the kids in your room but I think they grow up so quickly you miss it when they’re not little anymore. They move to their own room quite soon all by themselves.
With my first I had him in a cradle next to the bed for about a month. As a new mother I was worried I would not hear him cry as I was a very deep sleeper. I soon found out that was not an issue. I heard every coo and movement. He was in his crib with a baby monitor after that.
With my second I did the same thing but that was a little different as I had a C-Section so having her closer to me was easier on me. I actually had her sleeping in her baby carry seat that I set in the cradle. It was easier to carry her in the livingroom for feedings as I could not really bend down and pick her up.
She was in her crib at about a month or so as well but more because she was sleeping through the night at that point so she would not wake her brother in the same room. If she had still been waking in the night I would have kept her in our room longer.
Even though they were both bottle fed their father never got up to do the night feedings.
As for the ugly wardrobe and cabinets I can’t say. I was standing on chair sanding the walls of the nursery at seven months pregnant because he was to lazy to get moving on the room as he felt we had plenty of time.
My daughter slept in a crib/bassinette/Moses basket beside our bed for the first 2 months, after which time she moved into a cot in her own room. The timing fell in with baby no longer needing a middle-of-the-night feed (she started sleeping 10:30pm to 6:00am at that point). We never had our daughter in our bed, because we both like a drink now and then, and my husband smokes (not necessarily in bed, but smokers shouldn’t co-sleep). I never had to worry about baby stopping breathing though, as we have a micro-movement monitor in her crib/cot and a sound monitor as well.
As for hubby’s sleep being disturbed by baby - trust me, after the first couple of nights, your husband likely won’t even wake up when the baby cries!
I had a cradle in our room for the first few weeks (afraid I wouldn’t wake up). Turns out I heard every single move he made and as a result, I wasn’t getting enough sleep.
Moved him out to the kitchen and we were all fine.
I cannot imagine sleeping with a baby on a regular basis. How does anyone get any rest?
My daughter slept in our room in a moses basket for the first few weeks, and was then moved to her own room. Having seen too many tv nanny shows on the nightmare of weaning them out of the parental bed, we decided early, that she would never be allowed to sleep with us.
When she was in the moses basket, I rememebr hanging over the edge of the bed to see if she was still breathing because she was so quiet, but that level of parental paranoia soon fades.
Both my kids slept in our bed for about the first six months. It makes nursing much easier if the baby is right there- he didn’t wake up in a full blown scream before someone got to him, so he settled back to sleep very quickly after being fed. Having the kids in bed really supported my breast feeding routine. Plus, my husband did all the post nursing rocking back to sleep and he was right there- minimal disruption all around.
Frankly, though, it was just a wonderful feeling feeling having the little guy right there. My absolute favorite memory was watching him lie between us and just drift off to sleep as hubby and I quietly talked to each other.
The kids had an OK time transitioning to heir own bed, even though they did come into ours quite often. They are 10 and 13 now, they sleep just fine independently (and have been since they were toddlers) and I wouldn’t trade those nights for anything.
But… that is our experience- having a newborn can be survival mode. You gotta do what works for your new little family.
ETA: I still poke my head in to my kids’ rooms before I got bed to listen for breathing…
As others have said, there is no right answer. Ours slept in a crib in his own room from day one; with both doors open, we could hear him perfectly well without being woken up by every strirring.
My oldest slept in a cradle in our room for the first 4 months or so. At that point, it became obvious that he was being woken by my husband’s snoring and my kicking around. We moved him to his own room (about 5 feet from ours) at that point and he did fine. My youngest was a different story. He wouldn’t sleep unless he was actually touching me for the first few months. He slept on my chest in our bed. When he was about 3 months, we moved him to a crib that was right next to our bed. He slept there until he was about 10 months old. My kids’ early sleeping habits were totally indicative of their personalities. My oldest is a bit more independent and not as touchy-feely. My little guy is the kind of kid who is constantly hugging and kissing you and is happiest when he’s in my arms.
Whether your baby will be in your room or not is highly dependent on his personality and what gets him (and therefore you) sleeping the most. I wouldn’t worry too much about your husband sleeping…he’ll get used to the baby’s noises and probably won’t wake at all. I also wouldn’t worry about your child not being able to transition to a bed if he’s in your room. My youngest, the cuddler, moved into a regular twin bed at about 18 months without any issue whatsoever.
In bed with us. We have the crib hooked up to the side of our bed in a sort of “sidecar” arrangement, but the baby has not spent a single night sleeping in the actual crib. Very convenient for breastfeeding, and frankly I just like snuggling up to a warm baby at night.
We did the same with our older two, and didn’t really have much difficulty transitioning them out to their own beds around age 18 months or so. Don’t believe everything you see on “SuperNanny.”
Not only is there no right answer, the answer may change regularly for the next three years.
When my son first arrived, he was six and a half months old and from Korea, where co-sleeping is normally practiced. We tried to move him into a crib, no dice. But his sister came along six months later (surprise!) and that meant a baby and pregnant lady in the same bed. He stayed - I slept on the couch, but when the sister came home, I got my bed back.
When the newborn was a newborn, she initially slept in our room. I had visions of what all my friends had done, breastfeeding while snoozing. But for the six months she breastfed, she and I never got the hang of the magical laying down to feed. And it turns out she was really loud - not crying loud, breathing loud. And babies often have newborn sleep apena of a sort. Their breathing hasn’t become regular, so they just stop, for only about three seconds, but long enough to send a new nervous Mom bolt upright. So after being assured by the doctors that this was normal, we moved her out of the room so we could sleep.
For the next three years we had some combination of kids in their own beds, kids in our beds, kids camping on our floor, Mom camping on theirs, depending on need (and I’m on a business trip right now, so my kids are taking turns sleeping in my spot - they are eight and nine - so it really hasn’t ended). Sometimes it was half a night after a bad dream, sometimes it was the first half of the night when someone can’t sleep.
Our six week old daughter sleeps in a cradle in our room. She is a noisy sleeper but after a few days we got used to it. We can sleep through all the meaningless noises. She doesn’t seem to have a problem with my soring. Breast feeding every 2-3 hours is wearing and having the cradle and nursing chair right by the bed are very helpful.
Once she’s big enough to safely sleep through the night we’ll transfer her to her room and crib. Conveniently enough we already know she likes her room and actually bring her in there to calm her down. I think she likes the sunny yellow color of the walls.
If you husband is reluctant to remodel the baby’s room I’d suggest talking with the future grandparents. They can be excellent sources of ‘labor’
Our first slept in our bedroom in my parents in law’s for six weeks until we moved back home (where adequate birthing facilities were not available, hence the move to the home of my in laws.) Once home she slept in her own bedroom and has done ever since, generally sleeping 12-14 hours from 7pm to 7-9am. Number two is due in three days. We are risking the inadequate birthing facilities of our home town this time. Baby will sleep in our bedroom until the initial visits from my in laws and then my own mother are over. Then she will move to the spare bedroom which will become her room.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, good one. You both appear to be laboring under the delusion that one of you will be making the decision. Oh, parents-to-be are so CUTE!
No. The one who will be deciding this is the baby. And he may change his mind often, without prior notice to you. You two will simply be doing whatever the hell you can to sleep through this night, tonight, and you’ll worry about tomorrow night tomorrow. You may get better sleep in different rooms, or you may get better sleep in the same room, or you may get better sleep with one parent on the couch with the baby with the extra cushions propped on top of the coffee table next to the couch. Do whatever works best for *all *of you.
My son slept in his own room, right next to ours, from his first night home. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had visions of co-sleeping dancing through my head, although I suspected my light-sleeping husband wouldn’t go for it. As it turned out, she emphatically did NOT want to be in her own room, but neither did she want to be in our bed. So we stuck her Amby Motion Bed at the foot of our bed, and everyone was happy. (Except me, who wanted to cuddle with the baby while she slept. She’d let me do it while we were camping, but never at home.)
Seriously? Tell him you’re worried that there might be lead paint in there or something. Better to rip 'em out and be sure. On a more practical note, overhead cabinets suck when you’re trying to hold a sleeping baby and open a cabinet without waking him up.
We’re currently trying to transition the baby to his crib(he’s three months old), but since he still wants to eat or wakes up and needs soothing, oh, three or four times a night, and I hate getting up, grabbing him, nursing, putting him back, standing there till he settles, going back to bed… we’re split between the crib(in our room), our bed, and the couch with a chair beside it, quilt lying on the chair and couch, heavy book pinning it down. Anti-rolling baby device.
We’re hoping that he’ll gradually wake up less, and then he’ll spend more time in his crib, and his mama (who is lazy) won’t mind the fishing out/resettling so much when she’s getting more sleep.
Anything you can open or manage with your elbow or your foot is ideal.
ETA: my husband, another self-appointed authority, was absolutely against co-sleeping prior to the kidlet’s birth. It took one week. Seriously. Theory crumbles in the face of a tin, crying person.
My two spent their first weeks in a bassinette in our room until they got too big or moved around too much and got jammed up in the top corner…I think maybe a month. The bedrooms we had were really too small for a bassinette anyhow, and my husband had to get up early for PTO so it was a relief when they went into cribs in their rooms down the hall. This was in the mid 80’s and monitors were in their infancy,we didn’t have one, but alway heard them just fine. I breastfed, but getting up wasn’t too much of a burden, because I usually had to get up to go to the bathroom anyhow. And usually my husband would bring the baby to me in bed, or I would come back to bed with them, and then fall asleep with the baby between us. This worked well because I got some good alone-sleeping time (well, with the husband) for a few hours before a middle-of-the-night feeding, and then if they managed to sleep through a feeding or a night, I didn’t have to move and might actually get a full night’s sleep!
