Where does your newborn sleep?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Do not waste your time right now deciding how things will or should be. (with the exception of the cabinets - do the job now while you still have time and don’t have to schedule noisy jobs around a sleeping baby.) Right now you should be sleeping.

When the baby comes, you will do what works for you (and I mean the royal “you” as in you, your husband, and the baby). This is impossible to predict in advance.

For another data point, I co-slept with mine as newborns. They’d go to bed in the cradle in our room, and end up in bed with me during and after the first feeding (nursing while side-lying is the best thing in the whole world.) Around 4-6 months they’d go to bed in the crib in their room, and end up in bed with me during and after the first (and usually only, until morning) feeding. When they started sleeping through the night (12mo and 8mo, respectively) they stayed in the crib all night.
My husband was a little paranoid about the cosleeping thing at first, until he learned that the baby slept up against me. As long as he didn’t roll over onto me (fat chance) he wouldn’t roll onto the baby. And we followed all the rules about safe co-sleeping (and I’m well aware that there are people that will say there is no such thing as safe co-sleeping and we might as well have tucked our child into bed with a bunch of sharp knives and hypodermic needles). He quickly got to the point where the baby didn’t even wake him. I have clear memories of lying there feeding the baby and poking my husband to make him stop snoring. (there were times I wish HE would go sleep in the nursery)

22

I completely agree with those who say that you simply can’t decide now what’s going to work for you. It depends a lot on the kind of baby you get. My daughter was a great sleeper (almost too good…she didn’t want to wake up to eat, even the first week of life). She settled into a routine quickly, and that was great for putting her in her own room with the baby monitor (although it’s kind of a myth that you sleep better with the baby in another room…if you have a monitor, you hear every little noise, anyway).

My son, on the other hand, woke up at any and all hours, often several times a night (much like Lissla Lissar describes). TERRIBLE for a separate bedroom, because you are just too tired to keep going to get him & putting him back. He slept in a bassinet in our room half the time, and in bed with us half the time. Once he settled into a little more of a routine (which took a while with him), we moved the bassinet into the hallway, where I could still get at him easily.

It’s seriously almost impossible to predict what is going to work for you now…try not to get too invested in a plan, because it probably won’t work out like you think it will. Babies have an uncanny way of running the whole show.

23

Well you’ve all given me quite a lot to think about. Mainly that any plans I make now will probably fly right out the window! Much as I hate to say that my husband is right, the general consensus seems to be that the baby will be in with us. Well, actually, in with me, because most of the time we sleep in different rooms (he snores like a train, I toss and turn, and neither of us shares the duvet very well…).

Many thanks for all your replies.

24

It makes sense to me too. Since you’re the one who’s going to be getting up and feeding the baby, the decision should be yours, especially since your bedrooms are close together.

All four of my babies slept in separate rooms, always next door to our bedroom. We took a lot of naps together, but I never considered sleeping with the baby at night – it just means a major adjustment later, and there are enough of those coming without adding another.

25

That’s probably a good way to look at it. I wouldn’t assume that your baby will be sleeping with you; however, I also wouldn’t rule it out.

Our little one slept in our room in a bouncinette the first few months, then we moved him to his crib at about 5-6 mos. Then he got very sick at 8 mos. and slept in our bed with us until he was about 19 mos. old. Any disruption like an illness, travel or stress can really screw up a baby’s sleeping habits. He had been sleeping through the night on his own in his own room between the 5th & 8th month, but RSV took care of that. After we got back from a long trip to India, we moved him back into his room and all of a sudden, two months after he was back in his room, he started sleeping through the night all by himself.

It’s a bit of a broken record because I’ve said it so many times, but I’ve broken almost every promise I made before my son was born. I used to sneer at co-sleeping families. Until we became one because no one could get any sleep otherwise. Same for people who gave their babies formula. Oh, the horrors! Then you realize that, even if you’re nursing, sometimes you can’t produce enough and it’s really not your fault and if you want your baby to thrive, you gotta do it. Or some women (or even their babies) really don’t take well to breastfeeding. It happens. Even though I tried my damndest, complications saw to it that I wasn’t able to produce enough, so we had to supplement. Not doing so wasn’t an option if I wanted a healthy kid.

I guess my point is that if you go into the whole thing without any hard and fast rules (with the exception of safety-related things), you’ll probably be better off and experience MUCH less guilt than if you go in with steadfast ideas of how things are going to be. Don’t buy into militant parenting bullshit - do what works for you as a family.

26

As much as you can, try to relax about making these decisions in advance. Keep your options open and prepare for surprises. Your baby will surprise you, you will surprise yourself, your husband will surprise you.

Baby # 1 - cradle in her own room. Never slept with us. But she spent most of her days in my arms or in one of those baby pouches so I could carry her around, so she had a lot of contact when I wasn’t asleep.

Baby # 2 - I pulled a ligament in my abdomen during birth process and couldn’t bend for weeks. She slept in a dresser drawer on top of my dresser in my room so I could lift her without bending. We didn’t move her into a crib until she was 3 months old.

Baby # 3 - The most social child I ever knew. Hated being alone ever. He slept in our room, he slept with his sisters, he slept happily anywhere except in a room by himself. His toddler bed was behind the couch in the living room and he slept there until he was 4 even though he had a bedroom of his own upstairs. He’s “normal” now. Sort of.

27

The first one slept in a cradle in our room until she could roll over, then she went into her own room. By #2, I was sleeping a lot of the time with the baby in the bed between me and my husband, with my knees up, protecting the baby from him.
Maybe TMI…but by #2, and definitely by #3, my boobies were floppy enough to lay there and let them nurse with very little effort by me, and none by my husband. :stuck_out_tongue:

28

We’re due in mid-July and right now the plan is that we’ll have the baby in a co-sleeper next to our bed for the first couple of months. The idea is that it will be easier on the breastfeeding mother for those midnight feedings. I’m too scared to have the baby actually sleep in the bed with us - I’m afraid between me, my husband and the dog one of us would end up lying on top of him! After a couple of months, we will probably move to a crib in the nursery. We formed this plan based on the experiences of friends. I have a friend who is kind of a nazi about moving the baby to its own room at three months but I don’t feel the need to set that kind of rigid goal for myself.

29

I think like most people, our baby practices got more and more relaxed with each baby, and with experience. And of course, each baby is different. Also, any worries we had (or my husband had) about sleeping with the baby started to lift when baby was in bed with us for nursing and we both just fell asleep until morning. You’ll work out what’s best for all of you. And it won’t be what’s best for anybody else.

'course, it probably won’t be what works for the next one, either, if there is one.

30

We didn’t really have a concrete plan in mind before the baby was born… we had a Pack-n-play with a bassinette and we had the car seat, and we ordered his crib the week after he was born (I was reasonably certain that he wouldn’t be in it for a while, and I was right).

For the first couple of weeks, I think he was in the Pack-n-play next to our bed, all swaddled up. He didn’t sleep well there, though – he’s a major snuggle-bug, and has been since day one – so he and I slept out on the couch, with him on my chest. I could just sit up and nurse him that way, and stumble down the hall to hand him off to Daddy for diaper changes. That was our situation until he was almost 5 months old and I was tired of the couch. I moved back to bed and tried putting him down on his tummy in the pack-n-play (with our doctor’s approval), but that didn’t work too well, either – and it took forever to get him back down after feeding him. So, because I was tired, instead of putting him back down, I snuggled him up next to me in bed. That was great – it was winter, he was nice and warm, and if it took him a few minutes to get to sleep, it didn’t bother me.

A couple of months ago, we noticed that that wasn’t working so well (none of us were sleeping well, and he had started waking up screaming for no apparent reason). He wasn’t napping well, either, and we deduced that it was because he was so stinking tired. Something had to change, and we decided last month that it was time he start sleeping in his crib (which is in his room).

We’re still working on it – he still wakes up to eat a couple of times a night, and sometimes wakes up for no reason. He still needs lots of help to get to sleep, but I find that I sleep so much better with him not in our bed (when I sleep, that is). He sleeps better, too, and we have more baby-free time during the day since he no longer naps in our arms.

All that to say: listen to WhyNot, because that woman knows her stuff. And be ready to be flexible, and to do what works best for your whole family. Our attitude is: how can we minimize the suckage for both parents? Your answer will be different from ours, because you have different sleep habits, and you’ll have a different baby! People thought we were nuts to be sleeping on the couch, but you know what? All three of us slept great for about 3 months, and that’s really important. And be ready to change what you’re doing when it stops working.

I don’t have any advice on the decorating front, however – I was just glad that we got rid of enough stuff to have room for a baby!

31

Well she’s not exactly a newborn anymore. She’s 13 months, and now she sleeps mainly by herself, but wakes up in the middle of the night and my wife gets her to sleep with us.

When she was newborn though she slept in bed with us exclusively.

32

Our kid slept in our room in a co-sleeper (crib attached to the bed) for about four months. I would have liked to have kept him there longer, but I wasn’t getting enough sleep, so he moved to a crib in his own room.

33

My son is going on 13, and I have to say there’s a whole lot I don’t really remember. I don’t think this is because of senility, but rather that what we did has had no long-lasting effects. My son is fairly normal-ish. :wink:

What I remember is that he slept with us for a long time. This was not planned. It evolved. I found it MUCH less disruptive than being wakened by a hungry baby in full wail and dragging my tired ass out of bed to trundle across the hall to feed him.

We decided it was time for him to be in his own bed when he was about 18 months. (Sex was happening at other times than at night.) We did about two nights of the Ferber method, and that was all it took.

All I’m trying to say is that you should go with whatever works for you. You won’t irreparably damage your kid by having him/her in your bed. You won’t irreparably damage your kid by having her/him sleep in another room. There will be some sleepless nights for all, regardless of which way you go.

34

If you have room you can try what I did. Our nursery was previously a guest bedroom before the baby came. It was all ready for baby, with crib and baby furniture, but the guest bed was left in there. Yet we ended up co-sleeping, against my husband’s pre-baby wishes, primarily because I was simply too tired to go back and forth to the nursery every couple of hours. We also had a bassinet next to the bed that she would go into when I needed some room to spread out, but mostly I liked to cuddle with her.

On nights when hubby absolutely needed to get some sleep for work the next morning, I just moved to the nursery and slept in the guest bed with baby; bassinet/sidecar rolled in as well. On nights before his off-day, we were back in our bed. Worked out pretty well too. He’d help as needed and baby and I got better rest.

35

I have the opposite question: How do you manage with a toddler in your bed? I couldn’t imagine it.

Both Fang and Spike slept in a bassinet in our room for the first month or so. After that we moved them into their own room.

36

For us it was that all of us would get so much less sleep if he was in his own room than if our toddler was simply in bed with one or both of us, it was well worth it to just let him in. Plus, until a certain age (our son’s was 20 mos), you can more or less get used to it. But as they mature, they start sleeping very differently, move much more and are easier to wake. They can also keep themselves up, unlike when they’re little and can’t really help but crash and stay unconscious until they’ve gotten a minimum of sleep (of course, some kids stop doing that sooner rather than later and some don’t do it at all).

So when our son started waking at 3 a.m. every morning because he needed more space, then deciding, “hey, mom and dad are here. Must be playtime until we get into the car for daycare,” it was back to bed by himself. Until that started to happen, though, as long as he was touching one of us, he’d sleep pretty soundly, allowing us to sleep (even if it wasn’t really deeply, having him sleep on top of me and at least enjoying the benefits of being horizontal all night was much better than him waking every hour with me running in there constantly).

37

I think this depends on the kid, too. My oldest is so wiggly that I’m glad he’s never really wanted to sleep in the same bed as us. My youngest, who is 25 months and just recently started sleeping in his own bed full time, is the kind of kid that curls up in the crook of your arm and doesn’t move until you wake him up in the morning. I can definitely understand why some people eschew the family bed, but toddler does not necessarily equal nighttime pest :).

38

Here’s a recommendation from a parent of a one-year-old: Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper. Basically, it’s a collapsible bassinet that attaches to the bed with nylon straps, so there’s no chance it’ll be tipped over. One side of the bassinet drops down, so it’s like the little one is sleeping right in bed with you, and you can reach right over and soothe him/her when needed, but there’s no chance of rolling over and squishing the little rugmonkey.

Our baby slept in the co-sleeper for about 5 months, then moved to a crib in her own room. Worked out great for us.

39

Something simple like bottles. My son was adopted. I really wanted to use Playtex bottles with the disposable liners. He really wanted to use traditional Gerber nipples and bottles he was used to.

Daughter was breastfed, but I worked, so we needed bottles. She wouldn’t have a built in preference like he did, right? I had the Gerbers my son was using - no go. I had the Playtex I tried before - no go. I had the Avent bottles that at that point in time were want every 'responsible right thinking mother" used to prevent nipple confusion - no go. She had the weird rubber nipples and traditional bottles (not the same bottle he used).

40

Our kids have all slept in a bassinet at the foot of our bed. My wife has always breastfed them and we have an agreement that I’ll handle all the diaper duties (when I’m not working) to lessen the strain on her. Works for us, everyone is different of course.