Some of my girlfriends are t-shirts and sweats kind of women. Some never make an appearance, even on the tennis court, without doing their hair and makeup. Honestly, I can say that both seem to have an equal share of great, good, and crappy marriages.
The key, of course, is to find someone compatible. If you want someone who dresses up, then you should pursue that type of person.
Hey, just to point out that there are plenty of guys that think functional, “raggedy” clothes are sexy. There’s something very attractive about someone who’s “getting shit done” vs someone who’s worrying about their looks.
I’d love to have someone who can run down to the pub for a pint without making everyone wait half an hour while they do makeup and find the perfect outfit.
And shoes you can run in are sexier than heels.
There is the bell ringer for me. Your concern is not for the person, it’s about the arm candy.
All the long frank conversations in the world are not going to help her feel like she wants to look good, and can look good if it’s all about you. They might make her feel like your beauty contest is not for her.
Tris
I’m not sure if that was taken out of context, but I think the OP was referring to the effort he puts into his own appearance and upkeep compared to the effort she puts into hers. I don’t think that’s all about the arm candy, so much as it’s wanting his partner to be sort of equal, looks-wise.
At one point in my relationship with my husband, he was going through a lot of shit and had gained almost 75 pounds. Did I still love him? Of course. Was I going to leave him over it? No. Did our sex life decline? Yes, unfortunately. I don’t think me not feeling as much attraction to him when he was letting himself go and becoming a bit of a slob was terrible or superficial. It’s just something that happens when your partner can’t be bothered to do the basics.
Now, I never rode his ass or tried to make him feel bad about it, nor did I put pressure on him to lose the weight and shave and wear clean clothes. But I’d be lying if I said it that I wasn’t happy when he finally got past his slump and started getting back to his old self, looks, and otherwise. He’s been patient through different kind of slumps of mine, so it’s all good. However, we are married and the OP is not, so he’s probably better off cutting his losses than trying to get this woman to change (which never works).